Frustration w/ husband (high earners)
I recognize I’m in a very privileged situation but need to vent…
My husband grew up wealthy (country clubs, trips to Europe, live-in help) most of which came from generational wealth as his parents had very flexible/not high paying jobs. Because of this he has a very idyllic memory of his childhood with his mom making homemade meals everyday, family events, camp etc.
Meanwhile my parents absolutely scraped their way to middle class from poor, immigrant backgrounds. They both worked long hours and pushed me very hard to excel at school, activities etc. I am endlessly grateful to them as I ended up at a top tier college, graduate school and a very lucrative career. I had tons of loans which I paid off over the course of ten years.
My husband and I are in the same high pressure white collar industry but for most of the time we’ve been together I’ve been the higher earner and definitely the harder worker (we’re talking evenings, weekends etc). My husband was slowly let go from more than one job and generally hates what he does.
This was fine for a while but after we had a baby who was extremely difficult (colic, only breastfed, terrible sleeper) I knew I had to work less hours or I wouldn’t survive. I found a still high paying but less intense 9-5 job and so now see my daughter everyday and do most of the childcare on evenings, weekends etc.
Our plan was for my husband to step up more or less (after several months of barely working while slowly being fired) so he found a new higher paying job. The problem is he absolutely hates it, complains all the time, does very little with our daughter, and after 6 months is already talking about quitting. He’s in final rounds of interviews for another job he thinks he’ll like a lot more but it’s a drastic pay cut.
I’ve worked so hard for so long and not to quote Cassie from euphoria but I don’t want to be poor. If he takes this job our income combined will be significantly less than my salary alone at my previous job and we will have to give up on a lot of dreams and plans - we’ll never be able to afford a place in our HCOL city (we’re crammed in a tiny apt), my daughter will have to switch schools, less activities, I still hope to one day travel, etc.
I hate feeling so resentful but I am so angry every time I see his parents in their fancy cars and designer clothes knowing they never worked hard and are blowing through family money on retirement (they just back from Paris…) I want my daughter to have an easier time growing up than I did - I was the poor kid with bad clothes who couldn’t go to camp or on nice trips and I hated it. I feel like because my husband didn’t grow up this way he can’t understand why him taking this new job is upsetting to me.
TLDR my husband grew up wealthy hates working and wants to quit which will force me to be the breadwinner and completely demolish our combined earnings. I’m mad at him but also myself for feeling like I need money for happiness after years of working so hard and growing up with so much less.