u/KittyKatLover5346

Hello! Tysm for opening my post and taking the time to read it

I’m 51 🔁 and for years now I haven’t had any friends, I might be being a little bold by posting this but here I am.

Ive been alone for a long time and I know I’m not the only one, i honestly just want some human interaction so if your looking for someone to chat with or maybe even be friends I’m totally open, here are some of my interests!

Shows:
South Park
Bobs burgers
Kitchen Nightmares
Tabatha’s Salon Takeover
Cartoon Network shows
MLP
TADC
The Apothecary Diaries (only anime I’m watching rn but I love all anime that isn’t overly sexualized)
TLC
Paternity Court

YouTubers:
Daz
Off the hook
FunkyFrogBait
LDshadowlady
Smallishbeans
EWU/EWU bodycam
KallMeKris
Layze
Duncanyounot
Safiya Nygaard
Brad Mondo
ExtinctZoo
Film Cooper
Kurtis Conner

Music:
K-pop
Pop
Classic rock

Video games:
Roblox (Adopt me)
Stardew Vally
Mario kart
Animal crossing
Papas games
Minecraft
Just dance

Hobby’s:
Crochet 🧶
Art 🖼️ (digital and traditional)
Bracelet making
Makeup
Weaving
Fashion
Health and exercise (sometimes)
Writing

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Facts about me:
I’m Genderfae
Sexuality is unknown (lol)
I want to be a cosmetologist! Specifically doing hair
I do online school
In public I’m very shy but I wanna try to meet new people
I have agoraphobia 😅
I’m a vegetarian (PTSD reasons)
I love cats and my favorite animal is an ant eater and a ribbon eel!

Not having friends at my age is really hard. I know a lot of people my age are very social and are out there making memories, but I’m usually just in my house playing video games or doing schoolwork. I know that it’s really healthy to have relationships with other people outside of your family, but it’s really hard to talk to new people. I know people have it a lot harder than I do, my heart goes out to all of them, I know what it’s like to feel completely alone and I wish it wasn’t like that. I don’t wanna be alone forever, but I’m scared that if I try to make friends or be in a relationship, I’ll only end up more alone than ever after they eventually leave to me. It feels so unlikely that somebody would even wanna talk to me. I guess I tend to constantly degrade myself so that I don’t feel as bad when people don’t interact with me. I guess I feel like it’s valid. Anytime I’ve tried to make friends in the past they either mistreat me or end up ghosting me. I feel like I have so much love to give but nobody that wants it. even going to therapy doesn’t seem like it’s really helping. Of course it feels nice to tell somebody how you’re feeling, but even then I don’t always tell my therapist everything. I wish I wasn’t so scared of everything. I wish that I kept trying harder and maybe I wouldn’t feel so upset about this. at this point, I’m not quite sure what to do. Sometimes it feels better to be all alone than the risk of getting hurt by somebody over and over. I just wanna be happy and content with what I have right now but sometimes I still feel upset about the fact that I feel alone.

It’s gone to the point that I’ve made separate accounts on the new games to pretend to be somebody else to play the game with myself imagining that they were my friend. I just really want somebody to talk to to hang out with somebody my age who understands what it’s like. somebody that will not make fun of me or judge me, somebody that I can text about things going on in my life. I just see my brother and his friends and I can’t help him feel so jealous of how happy they are. of course I’m happy for my brother but I feel so envious. I can’t tell if that’s selfish or if I’m just going crazy at this point. I’ve always had a really hard time understanding how to react in certain situations so I apologize if I’m overreacting or if I sound ridiculous. Or if this sounds self pittying 😭

But Ty to anyone who read this