u/Kitty_Overlord

Recently, I've seen a Reddit post about about how men tend to be more depressed after a breakup than women because they tend to put the emotional regulation on their partner only more often than women, who tend to have more community around them.

And then, some Redditors commented basically in the lines that "Yea, and when these men are depressed, guess who they harm the most? Women."

This made me think that maybe in order to make everyone's life better, we should try to actually solve both men and women grievances together.

I think that while some complaints you see on this sub are exaggerated, based on anecdotes, or just over generalized, I think there are still many real underlying grievances.

Men can struggle more with loneliness, social isolation, rejection, lack of community, and unrealistic expectation around masculinity,

And women might have to deal with more harassment, safety concerns, unwanted advances, sexualization, and other problems.

These are all real issues that exist simutaneously.

I think acknowledging one doesn't invalidate the other. And I don't think we gain anything by turning these problems into "Men are worse" or "Women are worse".

A lonely man doens't become less lonely because someone tell him woman have it worse, or its his fault, or whatever.

And woman who doesn't feel safe won't feel safer because someone tells him to go public place, or that men have problems too.

We aren't competing on a victimhood ranked ladder and I think it's a damaging tendency to respond to someone's grievance by humiliating them for having it.

If a guy is saying he is struggling with dating, saying "your personality is the problem" does not help and only increase the grievance he has.

If a woman says she is afraid of men, calling them misandrist doesn't erase their beliefs and only reinforce it.

Back to the topic of that specific Reddit post, men do face higher depression post-breakup, and yes, they statistically harm women after breakups more often. Obviously, that doesn't excuse abuse or mean men shouldn't be held responsible for their actions.

But just telling depressed men they are dangerous and toxic doesn't solve the problem neither. If we actually want fewer women to be harmed, shouldn't we also ask why some men become so isolated and emotionally dependent on one partner in the first place?

I think we can hold people accountable for harmful behavior while also trying to prevent the conditions that make them behave that way more likely.

So ya, I think if we want a world where both genders stop developping grievances toward each other , I think we should work together and look at the underlying root causes of these behaviors.

Men's problems don't cancel out women's problems. Women's problems don't cancel out men's problems. We can acknowledge both and actually try to solve them.

EDIT: What I meant with my example is that while men (in this example) are undeniably responsible for their actions, and they shouldn't harm others (incl. women) because they are depressed, just telling them "It's bad to harm others" without trying to solving the underlying root causes doesn't actually make it safer for women.

We can say all we want about the perfect moral actions to do, but reality is that people aren't perfect :(

While I think there are many reasons why dating are harder nowadays (such as Dating app and how people have wayyy more choices than before, or social media, etc.), I think one of the biggest change over the past decade is that young men and women increasingly hold different views on topics that directly affect dating and LTR.

I think this divergence affects more than political preferences too, they are beliefs about gender roles, marriage, careers, finances, children, emotional labour, etc.

For example, I think one may want a traditional gender role relationship while the other expects a fully egalitarian relationship.

One may prioritize career over family, while another want children relatively early. Some see marriage as an important life goal, while others see it as optional or undesirable.

While I think none of these positions are inherently right or wrong, I think they still make people fundamentally incompatible.

I think this is also not just on an individual level, as in several countries, surveys suggest that young women are becoming more progressive, while young men are becoming relatively more conservative. What causes this remain debatable, but I think the end result is that young men and women may increasingly disagree on issues that directly affect long-term relationship.

I do no want to and I am not arguing here that either men or women are the problem. I do no want to discuss whether or not conservatism or feminism is the problem, as I think this is a much deeper debate.

My point is simply that if the average beliefs of men and women are drifting apart, then the pool of people who are genuinely compatible shrinks.

To me, this seems like a structural explanation for why dating can feel harder nowadays, you may meet plenty of attractive, kind people, but still discover that your values don't align in ways that matter for building a life together 😿

I've been reading this Sub for a week now and I'm curious if anyone else sees it this way.

There are often discussions about Red Pill worldview vs Blue Pill worldview, but I wonder if part of the RP appeal is the fact it gives people a stronger sense of individual agency.

My argument is that its biggest strength isn't necessarily its explanation of dating, but the kind of agency it offers.

For example, imagine someone who faces constant rejection in dating,

If the response is that society should move toward a more egalitarian gender norms, and that dating culture should change, these are good long-term goals. However, they don't necessarily help that person to become more successful in the near future.

By contrast, more RP leaning advice such as:

- improve your fitness, go to gym

- improve your social skills

- be more confident and take more initiative

would give someone concrete actions that they can take immediately, regardless of whether the broader philosophy behind that advice is correct.

Whether or not these changes ultimately lead to dating success remain uncertain, but the individual still retain the benefits of self-improvement regardless of the outcome.

By contrast, many discussions that criticize RP focus on changing broader social norms around gender and dating. I think while these are worthwhile goals, they depend on collective action and often take much more time. To someone facing rejection today who is asking what they can do now, telling them to adhere to something that might bring changes to society decades from now is often not so appealing.

I am not arguing that one worldview is ethically superior, but just that RP is psychologically compelling because it packages self-improvement into a coherent framework centered on personal agency, whereas many Blue Pill discussions tend to spend more time discussing about social norms that might bring uncertain long-term social changes.

Hey everyone 🥺🐟

I’ve been trying to process a breakup and I guess I wanted some Pisces/Aqua Moon insight because I genuinely don’t know what to make of this anymore. She is 28F and I am 26M (Scorpio/Libra Moon/Cap Rising)

My ex is a Pisces Sun + Aquarius Moon. We dated around 8 months. and the relationship became increasingly low bandwidth over time:

• only 3 dates total
• no calls/FaceTime
• mostly asynchronous texting
• she would often withdraw for days/week when overwhelmed, then come back apologizing

What confuses me is that she still seemed emotionally invested almost until the end:

• affectionate texts/hearts/memes
• talking about future stuff (kids, house, partner dynamics)
• she herself suggested meeting IRL more because she knew she kept delaying/finding excuses
• she apologized multiple times for distancing

Then the breakup happened over what felt like an extremely low-pressure invite 😭

I basically said:
“Hey~ if you have the energy, wanna grab ice cream / hot chocolate after my shift Saturday? Otherwise no worries 💜”

And she responded:
“I can’t provide the level of attention you’re asking for.”

I was honestly shocked because from my perspective… the relationship already required very little from her structurally. I replied gently saying I understood and that she should take the time/space she needs.

Then the next day she blocked me on Messenger + Discord (even though we hadn’t used Discord in months), but oddly left Steam open.

I’m not asking anyone to psychoanalyze her harshly or call her toxic. I genuinely don’t think she’s evil. If anything, I feel sad because it felt like she cared, but also became overwhelmed by the emotional reality of the relationship.

So I guess my question is:
Do Pisces Sun / Aqua Moon people ever revisit connections they withdrew from out of overwhelm/fear/burnout?

Or when they disappear/block like this, is it usually truly over?

I’m trying to move forward either way. I just can’t shake the feeling that this didn’t end from lack of feeling, but from emotional contradiction and avoidance 😿

Thank you all for your kind replies~