u/Kiwawiva

I wouldn’t say i’m a fan of hers, but I have been playing her videos and podcasts as background noise for about two years. Something I have noticed is that at times she is quite self aware. She can point out her weaknesses and even suggest what needs to be done to better herself. But the thing is, she never changes. Here are some examples that come to mind:

- Acknowledges how she has a shopping addiction, has too many things she doesn’t use and needs to cut back on the overconsumption. Next video “Huge luxury unboxing”.

- Talks about a bad gambling trip, where she spent way too much money and has to become more responsible. Next episode talks about a upcoming trip to Vegas and needing to hit the slots.

- Says she needs to stop getting so many procedures, since it isn’t helping with her body dysmorphia and isn’t setting a good example for young girls. She had a short phase where she was actually embracing her natural beauty, she didn’t wear extensions and wasn’t bleaching her hair as much. But now she has gone back and “flipped her lip to the moon”.

- Voices how she needs to stop vaping, even takes steps to quit. To my knowledge she is back to vaping as usual and isn’t working on stopping the habit.

There are definitely many many more examples as such. Idk, something always irks me about people, who never seem to do as they say.

I’ve never met anyone who has been in a similar situation and I just want to find someone who relates.

To start off, we were not poor nor struggling financially. Quite opposite of that, my parents made well over the countries average salary and we lived in the most expensive building in the capital city. Despite that, our fridge and pantry were always empty. To this day I don’t understand why.

This led me to be underweight, which was pointed out by doctors, the school nurse and relatives but my parents didn’t care at all. I remember in first grade I didn’t gain a single kilogram the whole year even though I was growing taller, at 140cm my weight stayed the same at 24kg. I was always hungry and nauseous. I missed many many swim practices and school days because I didn’t have the energy to even stand up. My brother also had to end his swimming career due to training at very high intensity but not having food to fuel properly.

No-one ever checked on me if I had eaten. The only time food was actually made was when my parents wanted to eat. Otherwise I had to fend for myself, which would be understandable if I was like 9, but this started when I was 4. When I told them I was hungry they told me to quit throwing a tantrum.

The highlights of my days were whenever I’d visit a friend and I was offered something to eat there. To this day having a full fridge and pantry seems foreign to me.

Is there anyone who happens to have gone through a similar experience?