u/Kl105

Hi all, not a vegan myself but I’m having my team of collages round for lunch over the summer holidays. They are all living in shared housing, (students/ masters and graduates) and I would like to do a home cooked meal for everyone.
I’m a fairly decent cook but rely heavily on dairy products when cooking veggie meals, this is more of a personal preference than feeling the need to add them!
Two of my colleges are vegan, one veggie and three meat eaters but I would like to cook one meal for everyone.
Potential ideas I’ve had are vegetable kebabs, jewled rice, flatbreads and dips. Squash and bay leaf pasta with salad (is there a good vegan Parmesan substitute?) but would love to have some ideas of comforting home cooked meals that are vegan and suitable for summer

Hi everyone, not sure how long this post will be so please bear with me.

Eight years ago my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer, she had multiple operations before have a mastectomy followed by chemotherapy and then radiotherapy, she got the all clear and we thought that was the end of it.

20 months ago she was unwell, sort of out of no where, we spent a week in the summer in Cornwall and we were running around on the beach and playing with her grandchildren then when she got home she thought She had a stomach bug, it lasted a few weeks and she was in work but unable to eat or drink, I live 3 hours away and would spend the days on the phone with her keeping her company but she was getting sicker, I told her to get to A&E and eventually she agreed and my sister took her in. they were unable to stop the sickness and admitted her and took a scan of her stomach, I got to the hospital that weekend and the doctor came in and said they wanted to do an MRI to see if the cancer had spread anywhere else, they didn’t know we hadn’t been told the cancer was back but when they took the stomach scan they saw lung cancer. We were so upset but knew she had beaten cancer once she could do it again. The MRI showed cancer had in fact spread, it had retuned in the breast, lungs, lymph nodes and her brain. She was put on palliative care and we were told she might not make it to Christmas. This was at KGH. She then got moved to Oxford and seen by a specialist who showed us the tumour on the brain, (at this point she was still not eating, hardly awake or able to talk) and the tumour was the size of an apple, they said the could operate and potentially give her 5 more years. She had the operation and honestly it was like she woke up and was back, it was truly amazing and I will forever be grateful for Oxford. 18months on from the operation she has had two more brain surgeries and has a scan every 3 months, she takes chemo in the form of tablets as well as other medications and the growth is always bellow 20% Which is amazing. every three months she has a scan and we get told 12 more months. This is obviously amazing news and I’m so grateful that we have this but me and my sister are struggling I suppose the word is with that happens now, of us live at home and whilst the tumours in the brain are smaller than grains of rice the lungs, breast and lyphnodes are still cancerous, mum doesn’t want is in the appointments with her, and that’s absolutely her decision but anyone that has been through this how quickly does 12 months turn to six? Or three? How long can someone live with cancer that is growing albeit slowly? Her scan this week showed necrosis around the brain, she said this was good news that its not a tumour, I agree but it doesn’t sound good? She also says she hasn’t got any side effects but talking to her is like talking to someone with early stages of dementia, she mixes up words and will stare at you intensely whilst she’s working out what the right word is, (my aunt has it) and she is incredibly tired. Her fuse is a lot shorter as well. I don’t know how much of this is being tired from the chemotherapy or is this the smaller tumours taking effect.

I have two small children and I want to make sure we are spending as much time together as possible and we are but I also want to be prepared for what comes next. My mum doesn’t want to know and I respect her decision, I want to be prepared to know how I can manage time away from work, my eldest time off school etc when the time comes.

On a side note she is also not claiming any benefits, she has cashed out one of two private pensions to keep paying for Her lifestyle, (she doesn’t do much as she can’t drive or be out of the house for too long but is booking weeks away here and there with family) and is now talking about releasing the equity in the house. She owns her home and has no mortgage but doesn’t want to look at any benifits and would rather do that, again this is ultimately all her choice but I can’t help but feel there is a better way. We came so close to loosing her I just feel like there’s things we can do now that will help later on, for example not remortgaging the house because when she does go we will have things like the funeral to pay for, (and I know how awful that sounds, she doesnt have life insurance and I am not a high enough earner to pay out for a funeral)

She wants to talk about funeral plans this summer, it’s going to be hard but I know we need to do it, is there anything anyone can recommend to help with planning? it will just be me my mum and sister.

My dad is around but they are not together, although he has been a rock throughout this for all of us, his wife is incredibly understanding and my dad is going to help mum with the will, everything 50/50.

I feel like whilst things are still positive now is the time to plan for when they are not so We can just focus on being together at the end, other than the will and funeral is there anything else to consider? In terms of final resting places her dad is buried where he grew up, her mum is nearby but they did not have a good relationship at all. She has one half brother, me (33f) and my sister (30f) are both married and but live in completely different parts of the county so the time to have these hard conversations is limited, I want to be as prepared as possible as the three of us and my children are going away in a couple of weeks and we will be talking about it all then.

I speak to my mum every single day, I have just no idea what I will do when she goes, I have no idea how my sister will cope. We hardly talk about cancer. She is the best mum in the world and my heart truly breaks for anyone who is or has gone through this.

On a lighter note something we have all found funny is whatever the tumour removed she swears blind she has never heard the song Mr Brightside by the killers, a song we have sang multiple times at full volume but she can not remember it anytime it’s played, every time we hear it we look to see her reaction and occasionally she will say oh this is a good song completely oblivious to ever hearing it before.

Thank you for reading, I think writing this all down was actually quite cathartic in itself

I’m not sure if this is the right place to post but I’m looking for any help and advice from people who have lived through it.

My son has just turned 4, he has a speech delay and says around 250 words, occasional 2-3 word sentences, like more juice please, hat gone. Even those words though I think mainly I understand him as they are not always clear. He should have been referred to SALT when he was 2 but for numerous reasons the referral, (unbeknownst to us) didn’t go through and he has now had 3 sessions of PACT, this is where I have seen the progress. He is on the waiting list for neuro to see if he has ADHD or Autism or both, for now we are assuming he has ASD As that’s how nursery and school are treating it. He starts school in September in an SRB.

I suppose what I’m asking is for peoples lived experience what if you remember do you found helped you at this age, if you had speech delay or what do you wish your parents had done? I want to help him thrive. he’s a happy little boy, loves to explore and have adventures, loves cooking and painting, he loves his baby sister and books. He has an active imagination and I wish I knew what stories he was playing out, when I play with him I narrate what’s happening but is this ruining his play and his imagination?

Sorry if this is the wrong place to post, I want to make sure I do everything I can for him to have as many opportunities to be happy as I can give him, any advice appreciated.