u/Klinicalyill

The Male Loneliness epidemic is a multifaceted issue that has been difficult to break down and correct. I could probably discuss several social shifts and technology factors but for now I wanted to ask about one of the common rebukes to the issue:

“It’s self inflicted”

This response mostly posits that men are at fault because we are “emotionally stunted” and don’t make deep and meaningful emotional connections with other men due to patriarchal beliefs that men should be stoic, or that it is “unmanly” to express ourselves. While there is some truth to that in regard to those specific individuals who fall into the manosphere feedback loop, my anecdotal experience suggests this isn’t the case.

I have never had another man react negatively to or otherwise dismiss my emotional displays or discussions regarding my feelings or general emotional state IRL. On the contrary, the only time I’ve ever been told to “man up” or experienced a negative reaction has been by women who seem to still hold on to those aforementioned patriarchal beliefs despite their otherwise more progressive beliefs. It’s made me curious if I’ve just been lucky in my encounters with other guys, or if this is a common experience.

What have your experiences been regarding emotional openness with other men IRL?

At this point I’ve had about 6 therapists that I just haven’t felt like could help me. I’m bordering on therapy may just not be for me.

But I’ve recently been made aware that therapists have specializations or different therapy styles but I don’t understand them well enough to pick one that may actually help.

Part of the problem is, I know what I *should* be doing, I mostly just struggle with making myself do it, because I don’t particularly enjoy being alive in the first place. And that’s with taking medication for depression/anxiety.

For example, i know if I go to the gym consistently I’ll likely feel better/more energetic/etc in the long run. But when my brain says “why the fuck would you do that? Being alive sucks, living longer just means more suck.” It’s challenging to force myself to go. What’s worse, I don’t actually enjoy any part of the gym experience, I’ve never experienced the therapeutic, cathartic or meditative feelings people report during or after going to the gym. If I’m on a bad mood when I go, I’m still in a bad mood when I leave. So I’m very literally forcing myself to do something I don’t enjoy because it *should* help improve my life, if not my mood.

Even something as simple as “try to think more positively” tends to fail because my brain knows what I’m doing. I can’t seem to “trick it” or “re-wire it”. I can find the silver lining or reframe the problem in a positive light every time I catch myself thinking negatively, but, my brain just goes “yeah sure, but it’s still shit though.”
Or, to use an analogy, I can “stop to smell the roses” but I’m also always smelling the shit beneath it too.

I’m not sure if that write up even helps, but if there is a type of therapy you think would help so I can focus my search, I would appreciate it.

Been playing a ton of Grounded over the last several months, fantastic game, lots of fun, but I’m on NG+3 at this point and have pretty much done all there is to do.

So i find myself in this weird space where when I get time to game, all I want to do is play grounded, but also feeling burnt out on the game.

What do you ladies and gents do when you find yourself struggling with this particular dilemma?