I'm going for a fantasy fighter look. I have a helmet but it's hot out so I decided not to put it on.
I have a helmet but it was really hot out so I didn't put it on.
Sorry if this is the wrong place for this, but I'm really not sure who to talk to. I'm sorry if this is a ranty word vomit I'm also dyslexic so I apologize if it's hard to understand.
I'm a 27y.o. M
I've had problems with my body for a long time. After losing my father at 5 y.o. I found food comforting. I just wanted to eat and eat and it just rolled out of control for me, I was 115 lbs in 4th grade and went up to 285 lbs in high school sophomore year. I was often bullied by peers and I always felt gross and unwanted by anyone and everyone. I was depressed from my mom and stepfather constantly fighting and having to get a job to help support the household because we weren't well off.
I got a break when a friend of my mom who was a personal trainer offered us a huge discount to help me learn how to exercise and lose weight because my mom was worried about it. And he helped me a lot and I lost down to 210 in about a year and a half. I'm super grateful for him and helping me the way he did and I acknowledge I've been fortunate in that regard.
But then college came in. I was working 2-3 jobs and doing 19 credit hours a semester and my parents fighting got the worst it had ever been. I was stressed and eating to help my pain in my stomach and I shot back up to 235-240
Going into my adult life I kept rebounding back and forth because of depression and fights with bulimia. It feels like I've never liked myself or my body.
This latest problem is happening because I felt like I finally figured it out. I finally got to my goal weight of 175 a year ago. I was overjoyed. And I fixed some issues with the carpal tunnel in my hands so working out wasn't as miserable as it had been so I was looking forward to building muscles. And I was. I felt great. But now after a year. I'm hungry constantly. I always want food. It never satiates, my stomach always feels empty and I'm clearly gaining weight because clothes don't fit anymore. I hate how I look now at 210. I feel ugly. And I feel like no matter what I do it's never gonna be something I'll be able to keep a hold of. It's always gonna bounce back and make me more depressed.
I try and talk with my partner about it but she doesn't want to talk about my feelings regarding my weight because it stresses her out when I'm upset about it and says she doesn't notice what I'm talking about but that's ridiculous to say because 35 lbs is definitely noticeable. She often ignores me when I'm sad and she knows it's about my weight, one time even saying she doesn't see me actually trying to do anything about it. As a man I don't know what to do because no one really seems to care when I have issues with my appearance weight and body image.
It's discouraging and I feel hopeless about my body at this point.