u/Krissimagic

Lately I’m torn between I’m supposed to feel thankful for everything I have gone through, survived, accomplished up to this point.

But also feeling as though that isn’t much.

My trauma started in childhood so I don’t have a clear dramatic story over why I’ve been so lazy over the years.

I have deep seated grief that therapy has not been able to extract.

I want to convert that to art but I often don’t know where to begin.

I’ve put myself back in college for the 3rd time to attempt a degree in ultrasound to provide stability for my family, but it doesn’t feel like me. Science is interesting but the courses go quick and I’m receiving C ‘s & D’s.

I can’t afford to go to school full time and work less.

I’m a barista again like I was at 19, but now I’m 32(at least I’m a lead which is a glorified manager)

I love the job because of the people and the creative expression I’m allowed. But it feels like going backwards.

I’m surrounded by my boyfriend’s family who pride themselves in degrees and phD’s and money. When I hang out with them I feel significantly less. My own family can’t take care of themselves so they cannot offer guidance.

It’s up to me to figure out what to do but the burn out is real.

Any suggestions on where to begin?