u/Kuutamokissa

I hardly ever post these days, and will likely delete this later. However, some comments today just brought home how differently those I know and feel close to approach(ed) treatment as compared to what I mostly see here.

There was no "Am I trans?"

The question was "Can I truly make it across the sex divide and find normalcy?"

There was no questioning—other than whether one's quality of life could improve. We never wanted to be transsexual, and never "identified" as the opposite sex. Nor did we "identify" as trans.

Sure, I knew I did not fit in as a male. I was never a member of their circles, and was thought weird when I did attend. Women did not mind the weirdness, though, and I knew I could survive because I could always say I was born that way.

However, should I fail at crossing over and end up trans... even that would not work. It would be seen as a choice.

Thus, I had to look at my starting point. I knew strangers tended to think I was female, and even some cousins mixed me up with my sisters. That was encouraging.

However, everyone on the internet spoke of transwomen and being trans, and of "the community" and other such things that implied one would be forever set apart. That discouraged me. A lot.

What helped was getting found by a lovely lady who had completed treatment over fifty years ago. She just went abroad to get surgery, and after recovering went on to find work, excel at it, marry several times (only one husband knew of her past) and live a normal, fulfilling life that had nothing whatsoever to do with "trans."

She was proof that what I needed was possible.

One can just leave the past behind and eschew the transosphere. It offers nothing that can beat assimilation into society at large—and ending up a permanent resident only narrows one's world view.

I only remain in these spaces to repeat that every now and then.
What matters is the end result.

Posted on behalf of an elder who herself no longer has a reddit account

I wrote this because of the murder of Juniper Blessing. First, I want to talk about the past a little to give some context. I transitioned a long time ago, mid 70's, and also in Seattle, and I had to deal with Ted Bundy, arguably the worst serial killer in US history, who not only lived in the U-District where I lived, but was also active around that time. The detectives who worked on the case once estimated that he killed perhaps as many as 300 women over the years. I actually used to walk by his apartment on a regular basis, I just didn't know it at the time. I only found that out after he was executed in 1989.

Back then, the fear was palpable. The Seattle Times and P.I. put the pictures of all the missing women on the front page of the newspaper almost every day. I think it reached almost 20 pics at one point, taking up most of page 1. I'll never forget two: Denise Naslund and Janice Ott who he killed within a few hours of each other. I had hair very much like Denise, and Bundy tended to pick women with long, straight hair. 

No one knew why all these women went missing. I was terrified, since transitioning and dealing with the threats women face on a daily basis was new to me. On the news broadcasts, there were vague references to a guy named Ted, but even with that, Bundy wasn't caught until years later. He would move on when he thought the area was getting too hot for him. 

He had a rage against women, and he was smart, cold and calculating. His weapon of choice was a crowbar because it was instantly accessible and left very little evidence that could be traced back to him. He would approach unsuspecting women in public places, usually with his arm in a fake cast, or on crutches, and ask for their help in getting a suitcase, skis or other objects in/out of his car. 

Of course, not wanting to appear like an asshole they would agree, even to the point of getting into his car to help him when they got to his house, which he always said was just a short distance away. Once in the car, he would immediately disable them with the crowbar, then drive to a location in the woods to act out his fantasies.

The reason I'm relating all this is that I see many comments in response to Juniper's murder that say: "Arm yourselves," but that advice is not going to help you against this sort of killer, who mainly operates by gaining your confidence first, then striking without warning. I fell for this very thing in 1986, even though I thought I was immune. 

A guy knocked on my door and when I opened it, he greeted me very courteously, saying that he was looking for such-and-such person, I can't remember who, and was very apologetic for disturbing me. I thought nothing of it at the time, but in reality, I had just been targeted. A week later while emptying my garbage one night, I left my door ajar, not thinking of the danger. When I returned, that same guy was waiting for me in the bathroom. He had obviously been waiting for the entire week, when I would be gone mere seconds and he could slip into my apartment undetected. 

If I had fled my apartment immediately I could've saved myself, but I didn't. His presence shocked me so much I froze and let him get too close. I won't go into anymore detail except to say that he was so very powerful, and being a small person, I didn't stand a chance. I barely survived and suffered serious injuries that took a very long time to heal. I've never recovered emotionally, and that's why Juniper's attack is affecting me so deeply.

My apartment back then was on 15th NE, three blocks north of the campus, only a 15 minute walk from Juniper's location. That location used to be a lumber yard many years ago. I know the area intimately, having lived in the U-District for 30 years until moving in 2004, and that makes it all the more upsetting. It just brings it all back for me.

One of the problems with the U-District and other places like that is that it concentrates many people in a small place: 35,000 students and faculty back in the 70's and 80's, and that attracts sociopaths and psychopaths like Bundy and this killer who prey on them. It makes us easy targets and they have a wide range of choices and opportunities. I don't know what the solution is because everyone should be entitled to an education and there's no other way to serve those students. And it's impossible to eliminate psychopaths like Bundy because they're continually created by society.

I obviously didn't know Juniper since I'm almost 77 now, but I've seen her pictures and heard her beautiful voice. I wish I had known her. What a lovely young woman she was, and she had so much potential, so much to offer the world. I'm really sick over this.

It's still very early and we don't know all the facts yet, but I have to say that I agree with many of the cis women who have commented about her murder on other subs. This was violence against women in general, and it's been going on for a long, long time. The difference with us as trans women is that while growing up, our mothers didn't teach us about safety and all the perils of living as a woman. We had to find that out for ourselves through trial and error, hopefully before the worst happened. I was lucky, I guess, because I survived and learned my lesson. Juniper did not survive, and now the world is worse off.

Like I said above, these killers have a rage within them that cannot be contained and it will eventually spill out. He targeted the first woman he found, even though it may have been days before. They are cold and calculating, just like Bundy, and just like my attacker who targeted me. At that point, I had been stealth for 9 years and no one knew. I was just another woman to him, therefore I was a target for his rage.

I truly hope that the Seattle trans and LGBT communities are able to recover from this and continue on with their lives. That's what Juniper would have wanted. It'll take some doing...I know because I've been there. But it is possible to continue on while still keeping her in your hearts, and I think that by doing that everyone can also remain safe, and that's the most important thing. 

Please be careful and be aware of your surroundings at all times. Your best defense is to flee immediately at the first sign of danger. These guys are much too powerful and skilled to fight alone, and their rage only increases their aggressiveness. They've done this before, perhaps many times, and they know exactly what to do. You don't. Just run. This is not like being assaulted on the street. This is deliberate, cold-blooded murder.