r/honesttransgender

I've realized this might be more common than I imagined and I wanted to hear everyone's take on why that is.

I go back and forth on it myself, when interacting in general subs it feels like a piece of info that no one else should really need, but at the same time I don't like the idea of making it feel like a dark secret I have to shove away.

It's been my self-assigned gimmick to make all my posts publicly visible and under the same account, so that's been my default, but I do wonder about changing that sometimes

If you're pre-op/non-op (i.e. no phallo or meta), then how do you frame sex to yourself and your partner? How do you ensure that you feel masculine and like a man during it? Is there a lens through which receiving PIV can be viewed as male?

Hi, I’ve started to understand and accept that I might be trans—I’m about 85% sure—but I still have a lot of questions.

No one around me knows; I’ve almost never managed to talk about myself to anyone—even here, it’s still hard for me.

I’ve already bought some women’s clothes, and I really like the experience, but I’m still self-conscious about my face—I know it’s a little sad. I’m very slim, so I think I could pull it off, but I can’t imagine what my face might look like or how to make it more feminine.

Does someone have some advice ?

Meanwhile, they'll still laugh at a joke at the expense of someone's transness. Allies only want to be allies when they recieve something positive from doing such. If they tell themselves they support trans people, they still laugh at any trans person all they want cause they think theyre an ally.

I wrote this because I was hosting a 4th of July thing yesterday and as I was getting up and walking away for something, I could hear someone mutter "stupid transgender" under their breath.

Hi Everybody!

Mom texted this. More info below and background.

Message from Mom:

The picture doesn't really look like you. It took OoPS a moment to recognize you in the picture you sent yesterday.

Message to Mom:

Yeah, he hasnt seen me without the goatee I think...

So, the text above is talking about my step-dad. And, I forgot. He did see me without the goatee before I started hrt.

Background:

Im 41, started hrt may 12.

My mom is my best friend. We have always talked a lot together like, most days. We dont normally ever fight. Im her youngest.

I told my mom about 5 weeks ago or so that im transsexual. That i started an androgen blocker and shortly after learned im PAIS. I tried to keep things grounded in medical (shes a lifelong nurse). My mom didnt take it badly but did go quiet and said she needed to process. Later that day, she texted me after looking PAIS up and said, 'some men are feminine but dont have to outwardly have to transition to female'. We havent talked about it since then. I never told her I started E. *I had started E before I came out to her*.

Current Situation:

So, after she texted me, I responded, she never responded back to it.

I texted her 5 hours later, jist a general, 'did yall do anything for the 4th'. I got a 4 word response and nothing else the rest of the night.

I feel she knows im on hrt now. I think shes processing... and i think she might not be talking to me?

Question:

Am I way overthinking this?

I dont plan to do or say anything. Im gonna wait and see... but my brain runs every possible scenario and its exhausting and scary. So, im looking for some guidance or opinions on this.

Thank you and i love you all!

♡🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵♡

💖 Bunni Doll 💖

♡🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵♡

*(Transsexual Woman, Intersex PAIS, HRT 5/12/2026)*

I swear some people just want an excuse to say a slur, and when called out on it they get to pull the “well I’m part of the group so I can reclaim it” card. That doesn’t mean you need to be saying it 24/7 in any given situation, much less to call OTHER trans people that slur when you don’t know if they’re comfortable with that, just because you’re trans too.

A piece of advice for people newly coming out: please do not become obsessed with saying slurs. It’s simply crude and attention seeking. You’re not impressing anyone because you’ve unlocked a new slur, and you’ll regret it later down the line.

I don’t think there has been any research to this topic, so I’m more asking for personal experience and what you possible heard from other trans women.

I have always been aware of short-term complications that may need to be fixed soon after with a second surgery. But yesterday I watched a video from Mathilda Hogberg, where she said she suddenly got a complication with peeing years after the initial surgery. Is this a common thing? Maybe I was naive, but I didn’t expect such stories…

My wife and I have been together for 6 years. I’ve always known I want at least one child in my life, and it’s something that matters a lot to me.
The thing I’m struggling with is clarity around where my wife stands on it. Whenever I bring it up, she’ll say she does want kids, but other times she’ll say she doesn’t. At one point, the timeline was “after I finish RN school and then maybe two years after that.”
She finished school about 2 years ago and has been working as an RN since then, so we’ve kind of passed that original timeline. But the conversation still feels unclear. Sometimes it sounds like it’s still something she wants in the future, and other times it feels like she’s not really interested in it at all.
What’s confusing me most is the difference in energy. I think about it a lot and feel pretty sure about wanting a kid. But when I bring it up, it doesn’t seem like something she’s excited to talk about or plan for in the same way.
I’m not trying to pressure her into anything, I just feel stuck not knowing if we actually want the same future anymore, or if we’ve just been avoiding a more direct conversation

Can anyone else relate to this? I’m bisexual and transsexual (nonbinary technically, but I’ve binarily transitioned via estrogen, progesterone, and bottom surgery since my teens/early adulthood. I pass as a woman but just choose to present more androgynously).

I’m really only sexually and romantically attracted to cis men and, to a slightly lesser extent, to cis women. People find it strange and even a bit problematic or hypocritical that I wouldn’t date another trans person. Obviously, all the partners I’ve dated have been open-minded towards dating trans people so they can’t really relate to my position on this. Neither can most of my friends.

Is this tendency truly problematic? Can anyone else relate to this? I have a multitude of reasons as to why I wouldn’t date another trans person, but to me, none of that is truly relevant.

I’d actually argue it’s more transphobic to expect someone to be open to dating other trans people simply because they’re trans themselves. We can’t really help our preferences or attraction. However, I guess I’m just curious about the takes of others on this topic.

Every time I feel people treat me like a feminine guy / woman "with an asterisk". I feel like I'll never belong. Like if it was easier for a black person to integrate in Japan than it would be for a trans woman to integrate the women's spaces...

Am I bound to ONLY be in the LGBTQ community? Is it really THAT hopeless? I don't pass. Still misgendered 2 years hrt and 6 months post FFS, so I've kinda given up hope in ever passing. If I don't pass years after hrt and months post ffs - I don't think I ever will...

But still... Transphobes keep telling us "not to show it off, just integrate / blend in"... And I am TRYING to, it just feels genuinely impossible...

Ngl, my dysphoria (albeit present) would be 10 times less severe had I not been treated like a "crossdressing man".

Got asked by a client yesterday what my pronouns are; I pretended not to hear the question. The whole point of doing this is so you assume correctly, and 99.9% of the time people are correct, it's these well-intentioned allies who make me feel clocked. They make me wish we could go back to people not knowing we exist or like we're a myth. Sometimes I wonder if living in a progressive place actually makes passing more difficult.

I know why I get asked: it's cause of my stupid fucking voice that's technically passable but like not really.

As long as we behave like mainstream society's women we get a lot of priviledge enforced upon us, which is a surprising outcome, in the end, and i'm not sure if these results would be possible without transumbrella-related groups going completely overly overboard overall, because right now we're getting accepted because we're not hostile while a given group is.

In the meantime, anybody who goes around saying they're women with emphasized man traits along with a pronoun introduction and badge pins will just get one outcome, transphobia accusations aside: "What will it be, SIR?". I should mention once again that female-behaving boy-looking males are getting the female treatment pushed onto them, and we have no say in this... Society is embracing their enemies' enemies, and the transumbrella has made that reality, with all its Gender Abolition motivation, along with enbies, therians and attack helicopters, as well as no explanation as to what kind of pornography will turn a stargendered person on.

Since i can't get sir'ed all the time, and most of the time i'm treated like a woman in spite of being too tall to be considered i'm a woman... I don't care, and society seems okay with actually encouraging me to look more feminine, as long as i don't behave like a sex addict in dresses, looking for orgies to partake in. I mean, i feel like my love for aesthetics has gotten me to look attractive to the point where i have to make an effort for people not to look at me with lust, instead of being required to behave in a given way to be attractive and desired... And i love getting things organized, i'm more concerned with getting my house looking welcoming and pretty rather than wasting my time joining the never-ending internet keyboard fights against some undefined oppression.

You pay for what you get, i guess, in the end. Trans people will fight against oppression and thus get oppressed, while mainstream society is more and more welcoming towards people who act like women and hate beards, to the point where mainstream society is rejecting me as a boy, although i look like one, and treats me like a woman, related female priviledge and misogyny along.

Why, in the end? Because i don't look like somebody applying to the RuPaul's Drag Race cast, and i speak like a woman due to years of practicing, instead of talking with a fully gay nasal voice. That's the only explanation i could formulate.

It's six am here, i have to get my hair and makeup right, i'm late. I'm always late. Oh, well. In the meantime, i also think that a given group infamous for its hostility will try to cover this outcome to their actions, but as i said, i'm too busy to care, and society favours me due to their actions to the point where the position their group demanded as their own is getting pushed on me instead, and i have no say in this whatsoever.

It's not longer about "Delenda (Trans)Cartago" or whatever... It's just about behaving like a roman woman when in rome, i guess.

First, let me be clear: this is only my personal experience, and most of it probably doesn’t apply broadly.

That said, I was surprised to discover that many men who are attracted to transwomen are genuinely into what’s often called “girl cock.” The very body part I sometimes wish I didn’t have is exactly what turns these men on —and I don’t mean fetishists or creeps. For the most part, they’re regular guys who actually want to settle down with a transwoman.

Still, it makes me wonder: if I get bottom surgery, will these same men lose interest in me?

Everywhere I go on Reddit there's so many trans women compared to the amount of trans men, and on top of that it looks like over 85% of detransitioners are AFAB.

Could this actually mean something, maybe that living as female is just better?

This is for all the people sharing their photo, bragging their progress and showing how good their transition went.

When we challenge their pov, telling them it's mostly luck and they should be glad for it , they always says it due to hard work and courage and yadda yadda and so dismiss what's you say

It was hard work if they're below 6 feet and in a female range?

It was hard work if they already have a female frame since the beginning?

It was hard work if their hair were already good?

The genetic and Hrt working wonderfully to them? Sure it's hard work and they did merit the result

The truth is, hard work exist, some people work hard to get what they have but in no case they could work harder than any other of us. Result is based on luck, if you don't have one of the things I say upthere, you can work hard, you will never get what you want

It's the same thing like everything in society in general . NOBODY desserve where they are. They just get lucky and be rewarded at the end. With hard work or not.

It tired me when lucky passing gals (or girl) tell us to work harder and be better and please seek therapy while they brag about their success and tell us how hard it was like the nepo genetics baby they are.

Life is not fair, transition is not fair so just be humble and live your life, stop giving false hope and maskeraiding help with bragging

That's all, give me the downvote now

So many trans related videos and even though you might think that the person is trans, but could also not be.

Then they open their mouth and make it clear they are a estrogenated man in a dress.

Literally just a bit of voice training could help so much yet so many trans women avoid it like its plague and then they cry when people call them sir even though they were a dress, as if gender is stored in gendered clothing...

Positivity feels like a trap

So I’m transitioning. Wauw, feels wild to say it. As of yet I’ve had, I think, each of the types of positive reactions you’d hope for.

1. “Nice. Proud of you. Don’t care. But like in a loving way.” - best friend
2. “I’m so happy for you, I always knew I was lesbian. We’re gonna make it.” - Girlfriend
3. “Cool. Nah it’s like not a thing necessary to celebrate because capitalism will make it suck for us.” - Trans friends
4. “But in reality we’re all non-binary.” - my mom

Now I’m aware these are wonky positives but they seem so prevalent in the community mythos of what coming out could be.

Then I had the weird double negatives:

“While I’m happy for you, I can’t tell you anything about long term support, as I suspect new administration could be just as bad. We’re a very diverse community, our central goal as a firm is to be a safe space for all kinds of workers, but I can’t tell you it is safe.” - HR manager under rights to privacy.

All of this was like… fine? The last one was a test as I do intend to quit cuz HR is right. There’s some definite transphobia at work. Not that they know about me.

But the one that makes me tje most scared is that I’m doing ok. Like emotionally I’m pretty tough. I’ve had so much shit thrown at me, that I think I fucked up with my doctors.
Brief additional story time:

I live in a wonderfully supportive country so I could actually get to meet with a doctor for a consult. A specialist. That’s the actual dream.

And yet what became so clear was that she was fishing for impossibility. Paradoxically hoping dysphoria would be a life threatening disease in me, while also being happy to see I wasn’t depressed.

I basically had to make a happy piece of news about self love and acceptance into sounding like terminal cancer that I was OK with. Somehow that felt more like liberal talking points than just saying I should DIY.
I know that I’m lucky to even receive such care.

But I’m 26, coming up on 27. And the wait times are years plus. I didn’t have time to resolve these issues earlier and I RN, as I should be getting ready for another day of performance as a “very male receptionist” at a fancy hotel this shit just feels like a positivity trap.

Literally what the fuxk do I have to manifest here???

Like seriously... Sometimes it seems that all it does is make our voices stereotypically "female" in a sense that they sound more like "drag-like" / stereotypical trans woman's voice... I cannot believe you can actually train your voice to sound female...

And I'd understand if it's just me... But my friends have the same problem. We sound like drags / "gay-ish" men on high pitch. Resonance control feels impossible sometimes😭😭😭

At this point I'm saving for the surgery. Because I feel like VFS is the only thing that has a CHANCE of helping... But even that's not a guarantee...

Speech pathologists I have seen so far were absolutely useless. You can't claim "resonance isn't important, it's the pitch that's the problem". Like... No??? Idk what I'm doing wrong ;-;

I(22mtf) USUALLY get gendered correctly by customers at work, both strangers and regular shoppers. I'll get gendered correctly like 85-90% but I still get misgendered occasionally, usually by older folks. It feels like it ruins every other time I'm gendered correctly, as if it was only done to not be rude. I can't tell if strangers are only using the correct pronouns to not hurt my feelings rather than them genuinely seeing me as a woman. And it seems like its the latter.

It doesn't matter how "ma'ams" or "shes" I'm called in a day if someone else calls me "sir" or "he", cause than it all just feels like a big fat lie.

Cisgenders gave me body dysmorphia as a kid that I still struggle with today. They say horribly transphobic things everywhere I go. I see cisgenders and normal people as equals (physically, spiritually, etc.) in reality but there is a socially-enforced difference that will make me always see people who haven't transitioned as inferior in a way, because they ruined my life in a lot of ways and many actively try to make my life harder. I think I would have far less empathy than I do now if I weren't born transsexual, which also makes me grateful for my experiences in a way. Especially now that I don't have dysphoria it's easy for me to look back on my life and be glad I can use my past to be more understanding of people different from me.

There are a lot of cisgender people that are nice. I tell dates that I transitioned because I don't want a partner to be transphobic, and all of them have been very accepting. They are sometimes nicer than how the average trans man acts towards me lol. But I still don't trust them by default and never will, so I will never be able to mentally blend in and see myself as a regular member of society. Am I a normal person physically and socially? Yeah. But I am not a cisgender and wouldn't want to be one at this point in my life.