u/DifficultSession51

Seeing women out in public, on TV, etc makes me want to be a girl and have the ability to look as good as them. Even when I'm with others (almost nobody irl knows I'm trans including my friends and family), I'm randomly zoning out imagining being a girl and I get very upset when I realize that I'm probably never going to pass or genuinely be seen as a woman by anyone.

I'm not sure what to do anymore.

I have friends I need to support, family I need to be there for (they don't even ask for much), work and a career I need to advance. But 100% of my bandwidth is being taken up by the trans bs, it's always at least going on somewhere in the back of my mind.

It directly affects my mood and if I don't feel great about being trans or about transition then I get depressed and sometimes freak out. It's almost scary how much influence it has.

I'm supposed to be in my prime, finding a partner, getting married, furthering my career and becoming successful, etc. Instead I'm preoccupied about whether I should continue transition and often can't even focus well on other stuff. And even when that's not an issue, from a practical point of view if I openly present as trans it also limits so many of my opportunities in every aspect of life.

For context I'm "HRTrepping" not out to anyone irl and still look like a complete man and present as one

I had a beard for many years, recently shaved it a couple weeks ago. I get the stubble again within hours. I have to keep shaving it literally EVERY day, it never stops. That's just one example of things making me realize I'm always going to be a man no matter what I do. I spent so long questioning if I should transition, and I always knew I'd probably fuck up the transition process, but now it's clear no matter what choices or actions I take I'll never truly be a woman. I'll have to fight every aspect of my body every single day, there will be no relief, and I'm not even mentioning all the parts of my body that physically can't be changed (bone structure, feet size, voice, etc). I'm also doing HRT but idk if I'm even doing the dosing right, which is an example of how no matter how much I try I'll still fuck so many parts of transition up (just like basically everything else in my life) which further contributes to the fact that I'll never be a girl.

It's pretty clear my only option is to kms, I don't think this is going to work. Sometimes when I think about this (which is almost always unless I'm actively busy or distracted by something) I get the urge to just stab something into myself or bash my head against something

I'm currently in the US.

I've seen some videos of people discussing countries/regions where you can live a regular middle class life on ~$1k/month and it got me thinking about the minimum required amount of money for retirement.

If I live a typical middle class lifestyle:

-Sensible 1 bedroom or studio apartment in the suburbs of tier 1 cities or tier 2 cities (not beachfront or tourist areas) with typical utilities (water, trash, electricity, internet)

-Roughly 1500-2000 calories of food a day

-Normal health insurance

-No kids or dependents

-Going out for nightlife once or twice a week

-Using public transportation or relatively cheap vehicles like mopeds

Are there actual places where this type of lifestyle would cost $1k or less a month? Would it be realistic to move to these places with $200k in savings and no income? The countries I've heard about are southeast Asian ones like Vietnam, Cambodia, smaller cities in Malaysia and other places like Albania. I'm also looking for a trans friendly place, or at least a region where trans people aren't actively persecuted.

Does anyone has any experience or advice relating to this? Is this just an unrealistic pipe dream? If $200k isn't enough, how much would be needed?

Edit: To be clear, my goal is not necessarily to stop working immediately. The reason I'm curious about this is because I'm looking for a realistic path to retirement. I'm open to options where I work abroad as well

I've seen some videos of people discussing countries/regions where you can live a regular middle class life on ~$1k/month and it got me thinking about the minimum required amount of money for retirement.

If I live a typical middle class lifestyle:

-Sensible 1 bedroom or studio apartment in the suburbs of tier 1 cities or tier 2 cities (not beachfront or tourist areas) with typical utilities (water, trash, electricity, internet)

-Roughly 1500-2000 calories of food a day

-Normal health insurance

-No kids or dependents

-Going out for nightlife once or twice a week

-Using public transportation or relatively cheap vehicles like mopeds

And another requirement is that it should be trans friendly in the sense that I'm not at risk of being attacked or legally prosecuted for being trans

What would be the minimum amount of money required to retire with a lifestyle like this? What countries could offer these things at the lowest costs of living? If $200k isn't enough, how much would be needed?

I'm also open to working abroad, however I know getting work visas can be a challenge. If possible I would also get remote work but unfortunately remote jobs are rare now, especially ones that'd let you work from another country. I've also considered something like freelance work but I don't think I could consider that reliable income.

Also I'm probably not going to live to an old age (or what would traditionally be considered retirement age), so that is not a factor for me

AMAB I've had a gender transformation fetish and fantasies of being a woman for as long as I can remember. About 7 years ago I learned what being trans is and became obsessed with it, I then learned about AGP around the same time and studied Blanchard. I kept debating whether I was trans or not, and even started taking estradiol but I stopped after a few months and concluded I'm not really trans I just have AGP aka a fetish, and changing your literal identity because of a sexual preference or a fetish is degenerate at best. I am not the type of person to be an exhibitionist and expose people to my fetishistic fantasies to satisfy myself.

So I basically repressed it for 7 years and kept it in the bedroom, sometimes it was ok other times I would become way more obsessed with gender identity and wanting to be a woman. At the end of last year I had another one of these phases, and after a few months of deliberation I started HRT. I was working on accepting myself as trans and acknowledging AGP as an outdated, transphobic concept. But I've been told that's wrong and there's a chance I really do just have AGP. And if someone really just has AGP then transitioning is the most perverted thing they could do. The fact I started taking estrogen because of some sexual desire is disgusting in itself, I've even started having breast growth already so fuck me I guess.

Things I've tried:

I've already been to numerous psychiatrists, and I've been in therapy for the better part of a decade it hasn't helped.

I've never been in a long term relationship and I'm a virgin, I tried to change that last year but dating went horribly.

I've tried keeping it in the bedroom and giving myself outlets through gender transformation porn, but clearly it's not enough.

Currently it seems my main option is suicide. I assume everyone would agree.

Edit: Disappointed at how some people think transitioning due to AGP is acceptable

I'm AMAB and 2 months into HRT, but still not out to anyone (except one friend) irl and completely male presenting. The consequences/side effects of transitioning are a big deal to me because outside of gender issues I mostly have a decent life (at least for now), and I don't want the other parts of my life (friendships, relation with family, career, etc) to be ruined by transition.

As part of that I was wondering how being openly trans and presenting as a woman (in my case) impacts things like travel and immigration. I'm really into traveling and want to visit a lot of countries, including ones that are considered "conservative". I also currently live in the US but the political situation here is deteriorating so I've been seriously considering moving to another country, probably Canada, Australia or somewhere in Europe depending on a lot of factors.

I imagine that being trans would cause major issues when traveling, especially to non-western countries. I would also think that being trans would be considered a detriment when applying for any kind of visa or permanent residency anywhere, especially considering it could introduce new challenges in terms of identification, gender markers mismatching, etc.

However I don't actually know the impacts. Does anyone have experience with travel, or attempted immigrating while being out as trans? What issues did you face? Where they severe enough to actually force travel or immigration plans to be cancelled?

It's no secret that over 90% of tech work will be automated and outsourced away by the end of this decade as AI models, infrastructure, workflow integration, etc continues to improve at a near exponential rate and as tech companies continue to expand offices and presence in developing countries (like India, Latin America, etc).

The only remaining roles will be the senior positions. However I only graduated from college 3 years ago, with 2 years in backend and 1 year in cybersecurity, I won't be able to get enough experience to be considered for senior roles before the market is eliminated.

So I'm thinking my only choice is to switch careers. Unfortunately I was already misled once into choosing to pursue tech (not sure if you remember the report that came out about a decade ago which stated that even if 100% of college students were CS majors it still wouldn't be enough to meet demand), and I want to avoid making the same mistake again.

I'm looking into careers that have:

1. A liveable wage
2. Safety from AI/outsourcing
3. A decent job market

I was considering careers related to patient care like nursing, but it seems getting entry level positions for that are becoming very competitive as well.

Are there are others in a similar situation, and what other fields you are considering switching to? Is there anyone who's already gone through this process, and if so what field have you switched to and what challenges have you faced so far?

I graduated 3 years ago with a bachelor's degree in Cognitive Science, and I've been working in tech since. I was originally in fullstack for about 2 years, but then got an opportunity in cybersecurity and switched as I could see that AI is already capable of doing 80% of fullstack work, and outsourcing will eliminate any remaining job market.

However I'm not getting solid experiences or learning opportunity at my cybersecurity role. I've also been reading the news and it's clear that new AI models like Claude Mythos can do cybersecurity work like compliance, penetration testing, etc much better than any human. While tech will still need senior employees my issue is that I will be unable to establish myself as a senior in the field with solid experience before outsourcing and AI completely takes over. Even now it's next to impossible for me to find another cybersecurity role due to my lack of work experience.

As a result I was considering going into the medical field, as it seems to offer the most job security against AI/outsourcing, and it has demand in many countries across the world. I've been researching veterinarian jobs and nursing, however the additional schooling required (especially for veterinarians) is very long and expensive.

Does anyone have recommendations on what path one could take to enter the medical field? I also know medicine is very broad and encompasses lots of specializations, but which specific roles would be ideal for someone like myself who's already in their late 20s and trying to minimize the time and costs required to switch?