u/3amcaliburrito

It's a pet peeve of mine. It doesn't bug me as much as it used to, but it still gets under my skin. I'm not mad like I used to be.

It's fresh on my mind because it happened on two separate occasions from different people. And these are people I genuinely like, I don't want to call them liars but idk a better way of wording beyond hugboxing I guess

I haven't seen my electrologist in a while & while we were talking, she mentioned she and her staff thought I was a cis lesbian for months. supposedly they were confused when they saw me use the mens room.

yeah, because so many cis women go in with male facial hair 🙄

and then later on that day I was at band practice. Apparently the last two bassists for the band were also trans women. That had come up somehow and then I mentioned like if I knew that I probably would never have auditioned + how being trans is legit one of the worst things about my life and I hate it so much. they all went on to reinforce how they thought i was just a lesbian until they saw me vent about my failed transition on socials.

yeah, because im sure they do pronoun circles for everyone they meet

I just wish people knew that they didn't have to make stuff up or handle me with kid gloves. I'm not gonna kms over ppl admitting I look like a man. it's not exactly news to me

And there's like ways to be real without being rude also. there's a huge gap between little white lies and cruelty.

like when they gender them correctly even though their gut says otherwise or when they give someone a compliment "you're so pretty today" even when they're uncanny & bizarre?

I bet they feel pretty good. it's like

>That's my good deed for the week

it's very kind and i appreciate it even if it's mostly out of pity. it's like when a preschooler shows you their coloring book and they're outside of all the lines and the colors are all wrong but you want them to be happy and feel good so you tell them

>you did such a good job!

and then you put it on the fridge. that's the equivalent of saying the nice thing in public

allies are great ❤️ tysm if any of you are lurking

have you seen that movie with Demi Moore? It's a few years old. body horror

short version - someone takes medicine to become beautiful. it seems like it's working at first. eventually they turn into a monster. a complete abomination.

it's genuinely terrifying nightmare fuel

so yah. that's my life

boo

The uncanny is the psychological experience of an event or thing that is unsettling in a way that feels oddly familiar, rather than simply mysterious

straight to the point - some of us are stuck in uncanny valley(myself included). enough of us that we turn into lolcows (wow I haven't used that in ages). there's a certain level of dimorphism people become accustomed to during their lives. Subconsciously we associate certain features with males and some with females.

Transitioning after puberty can sometimes leave you stuck with an odd collection of features that don't distinctly place you in one category. And this isn't all non-passing people I would guess. But it's enough to stick out and impact our social acceptance as a whole I think.

I'm not trying to say that if someone doesn't pass that they are uncanny and I'm not trying to imply that attraction is exclusively related to passing. and like speaking just for myself- I don't think that I have terrible features (I'd make a handsome man prob) but I think that being uncanny effectively makes me ugly to the general public

So I guess back to the original question is like what what does it take to normalize The Uncanny? Is it just widespread social exposure from people at a young age? Social acceptance increasing positive visibility?

If the kids see someone uncanny on Sesame Street and everyone normalizes it will they grow up to think that that's normal & then it's not uncanny anymore?

Maybe this phenomenon is something that will pass as people like me pass away and are replaced with people who didn't have to go through their agab puberty. maybe it won't?

Maybe nothing will change & this will be the normal for generations?

thoughts?

i'm not sure if this will be relatable, but i want to put it out there. this goes out primarily to people who were unsure if transition was the right thing. maybe you got started and things didn't go so great. maybe you sat around thinking about it, sitting on the fence & unsure about moving past a certain milestone?

I'm approaching a point in my transition where it's going to be hard to turn back. i just went in for a fingerprint & background check for my legal name change. I'm considering some surgeries. i wouldn't say it's a point of no return, but these are some pretty major steps. not like i haven't done anything so far, but this feels like a big deal.

i think one of the other reasons it feels like a big deal is because of the beef with my mother. she's transphobic asf, we don't talk anymore. this feels like the nail in the coffin. it does feel like no turning back in my relationship with either parent after this. it's uncomfortable

i'm probably going to look like a man for the rest of my life. that's just my reality. we don't all get to pass. it sucks... i've had some bad experiences, whatever. i also feel like manmoding was just as bad - if not worse. idk if going back to full on repression is feasible. maybe it's sunken cost?

i feel like i started off pretty good with a lot of momentum in my transition. things went well enough up front and i was optimistic. ever since reality set in, it's been hard to commit. like i'm not sure if this is the best move for me.

so i'm at this point where I have an immediate major milestone coming up & a few likely afterwards. i worry that i'll still feel this uncertainty afterwards. i know nobody here can predict my life & how i'll feel. i'm just curious if others have gone through similar experiences & what the other side was like. did you come out more confident/certain? did you come out feeling regret? did you feel the same?

what do you think? sorry about my rambling. i know you all hate me, but i'm just being real & hoping for some people with similar experiences to chime in.

I feel like I've kind of hit a wall lately

I've been trying to add some new stuff and work on some more difficult music and I'm struuuuggling. it's like 80-90% speed and I'm falling apart

I feel like I've done a pretty good job at finding stuff that's progressively more difficult & now I'm at this big skill gap, struggling to find things to bridge the gap. I also feel ridiculous playing along to ultimate guitar tabs at 80%

I don't know that I've ever really felt like I hit a plateau until just lately

I almost exclusively just learn songs (mostly for shows with the band) and play along with songs, I don't know if maybe I need to look into doing exercises or something? take a break and get back into theory a bit?

the pain of living the rest of my life like this is sometimes unbearable. i think the cold nothing i felt before would have been better

I don't think the sting from a failed transition will fade. I have no reason to expect it will. I think about detransitioning sometimes, but I haven't been able to get any feedback from people who detransitioned because they had a failed transition to hear if it works for anyone

all of the conversion therapy is religious too, so even if it had credibility - that would kill it

it's a chronic life long condition I guess. no cure. I bet it's nice having a successful transition. not as nice as being cis but prob much better than this

I hate my life so much. I wish my therapist had gatekept me me. fml

when you're thinking/talking about yourself?

Just curious. I do sometimes.

I was just thinking this morning about how people have to basically reprogram their minds to avoid misgendering me. they have to re-write a lifetime of gendered socialization to force themselves to call me she/her/ma'am.

Just thinking about how I have the power to make that happen is kinda cool.

I must truly be the dominant life form... the peak male body. I'm sure I've interacted with countless transphobic/maga types and they've had to fall in line. Seething because they feel obligated to 'play along' with the man faced abomination and pretend it's female.

they know if they say the wrong thing, they could lose their job or maybe they fear I'll go gamestop-hon & cause a scene. it's not so bad.

I mean, sure... being a woman would be ideal, but as a consolation prize I get to enforce the 'woke trans mind virus'.

life is good

...how weird is this?

it's 11am. I'm in bed still. my body is exhausted. this was our longest show. 3 sets, 52 songs. i didn't get to bed until 2am.

I still want to grab my gear & play... now. it just seems like a chill Saturday morning to me. I'm thinking about new songs to learn.

what do you guys do the day after a show?

Reminds me how ugly I am. Not like it's easy to forget it but It really brings it to the front of my mind.

Going out in public and watching the contrast of how society treats them compared to me. Like yeah that must be nice

I see when they walk into a room and people remember them. The attentions and compliments and I'm just this invisible Freakshow abomination tagging along

must be nice

fml

Hi hi

tldr; are you aware of any issues with using an NL2 vs an NL4 speakon? i'm having issues with my speakon connection & i'm using NL2 - considering swapping out with an NL4.

long version -

i have a darkglass microtubes x900 (new) and a dg212 cab (used). i have these conneccted with a speakon cable (new). it seemed okay the first few uses & then the audio started to cut in/out. I noticed that i could get the audio to come back on when I pushed the speakon connector (at the cab) to the side a bit. not the flexible cable/wire part, but the plastic twist-lock piece that inserts into the cab connection. i even switched the cable around to reverse the connections & the same thing happened. the issue stayed at the cab connection

i ended up sending it out for a warranty repair & they soldered and tested the speakon and it worked fine. they shipped it back, and it worked the first day, then on the weekend it started doing the same thing again.

i open up another claim & they have me ship it in. i just got it back & they said to check my cable because they couldn't reproduce the issue, but it is doing the saaaame thing.

i did a little hunting online and found a few old posts on some other forum where someone recommended getting an NL4 speakon to replace the NL2. Something about tolerance differences & how the NL2 tends to have more issues

i'm thinking of picking up one of the 4 pole NL4 cables to see if that works.

I could probably Google this and find an answer pretty quickly but I thought it might make an interesting discussion point

I was scrolling through some other form and they were talking about Mount Olive. Some people were happy that they decided to pull out of the whole the American fair thing because of the Confederate flag.

Other people started cheering on a boycott and said "Bud Light them"

It got me thinking like have there ever been boycotts more effective than Bud Light?

What motivated people more than their hatred for -me?-

I know it's hard to believe but I try to look at the positive when I can but then I have to look at things like this as well and it's really disheartening.