u/SureFeelsGoodToMe

I love this song so much

I’m crying so bad right now… I’m starting to think I do like my body. I don’t know why I keep getting thoughts like this and why I can’t get rid of them…. If I’m going to be honest, I mostly only feel this way about my chest and nothing else. Every time I look at myself, I think I’m cute but it upsets me and I wish I didn’t like how I looked and I wish I could feel like a man and look like one. I hate how pretty I am, it doesn’t feel right, I often get surprised and scared when I look at myself either that or I just feel numb and almost “normal” but I’m upset at my body for being female. I just want to have a flat chest but I know I’m not allowed to transition at all if I feel this way, I want a deeper voice, male facial structure, and a penis too but I could never be allowed to get that…. I just have to be stuck crying everyday being envious of men and knowing that I can’t ever be a boy.
I also get deeply scared if I’m attracted to a girl I think “what if I want to be like her” even though I don’t, it’s so pathetic… I’ll never be able to be a man

I’m crying so bad right now… I’m starting to think I do like my body. I don’t know why I keep getting thoughts like this and why I can’t get rid of them…. If I’m going to be honest, I mostly only feel this way about my chest and nothing else. Every time I look at myself, I think I’m cute but it upsets me and I wish I didn’t like how I looked and I wish I could feel like a man and look like one. I hate how pretty I am, it doesn’t feel right, I often get surprised and scared when I look at myself either that or I just feel numb and almost “normal” but I’m upset at my body for being female. I just want to have a flat chest but I know I’m not allowed to transition at all if I feel this way, I want a deeper voice, male facial structure, and a penis too but I could never be allowed to get that…. I just have to be stuck crying everyday being envious of men and knowing that I can’t ever be a boy.
I also get deeply scared if I’m attracted to a girl I think “what if I want to be like her” even though I don’t, it’s so pathetic… I’ll never be able to be a man

Please be honest with me, I’m not sure of myself….

My experience with dysphoria is strange, I want to be a man desperately and I am deeply afraid of my own body and I don’t feel like being a girl is right.
At the same time, I find myself attractive and I’m scared that when I find women attractive that means I secretly want to be like/look like/or sound like them when I don’t… sometimes I feel so numb when I get these thoughts that I’m convinced I do want it when deep down I don’t. I would give anything to be a man. It’s just I don’t deserve it. I feel like I just gave myself dysphoria because I wished to be a guy, not because I really am one. I think perhaps I just need to try harder to accept I’m a girl.
I have attempted before because I thought I would never be a real man… I hate having periods, the thought of pregnancy is literal body horror…
But sometimes I stare at myself, I feel nothing, almost normal, I’m too used to it and I start to wish I hated my body more or wish I wasn’t so attractive. It starts to feel more like anger and frustration I am female and not male and I have no way to change it….i feel stuck… I sometimes think male bodies are ugly too, I want a guys face and voice and I don’t want any female parts, I just scared I find a flat chest ugly

Fire N’ Ice is a great modern glam metal band, I love album so much, I think long time fans of the genre should give them a chance

I love anything leather, animal print, band shirts, studded belts, etc. What are brands/or places to find good quality clothes like this for cheap. I don’t really care if it’s vintage or brand new as long as it looks good,I don’t seem to have much luck looking anywhere tbh.. please help 🥹

I hate writing these posts but I just never can seem to figure myself out because I seem to feel different every day, every hour, every minute, even every last second, something could change for me. I don’t know what I like or what I hate anymore. I don’t want to be a woman, I can’t stand it, I would give anything to be a man but maybe I am so wrong about myself. As I’m writing this, I hear my voice inside my head, is it even mine? Is it not? Why am I afraid I suddenly like it? Is it because I’m confident in my words? Is it because I already sound masculine enough? Is it because I’m just a woman in denial? I don’t know anymore, I don’t know myself, I never have, perhaps I don’t even know what I want. I’m trying to make myself ready to accept that. I feel as though I must be a woman and cannot be a man no matter what. I’m trying to go over my thoughts, again, one by one, counting, reviewing like I do everyday but again I have no conclusion. I’m afraid I really do want to be a woman but i do want to have that desire, I prefer to be a man or at least I wish I wanted to be one. Let’s start from the beginning, I was always what you would consider a girl as a child, feminine. I enjoyed stereotypically masculine and feminine thing’s although I liked to act like a boy more, I truly means nothing, you are not a man or a woman based on what you like. As I grew older, I found out people could be transsexual, I never thought of it as a trend, more like a slow understanding as to that’s what I wanted, but that’s different from finding out who I was. I just starting wish I had dysphoria. It was never real, I was always upset my body is female and attractive, that’s not real dysphoria for all I know.

The first real and true instance of my obsessive fears is when I fell in love with a girl my age, I’ll just call her Madalaine, she’s a really sweet girl, really, I could never blame my mental instability on her but for certain she ruined my life without realizing it. At first it was your average one sided teenage love,but then I began to think, what if I only liked how beautiful she was because I secretly wanted to be like her? I became afraid, staying female was my worst nightmare but at least then it was only her and also not myself. Then it got worse, my obsession spread to other women, people I did not love but simply found beautiful or fascinating, then it became people I did not even know.

All truth to be said I genuinely feel envy towards men but not women, for women it always came with fear. And slowly for the past few months I wonder if I really do like my body and I’ve been lying to myself for 6 years. I always found myself attractive, I could be a model if I could recognize myself in mirror. But the love for myself is too strong… I always had problems with checking if I was truly dysphoric but it’s gotten worse, I’m convinced I love my parts when in reality they bring me fear, disgust, and anger. Fear I am a woman, disgust I am female, and anger I will never truly be a man.

I am probably a faker but what is my motivation? Im not even stereotypically masculine, I love painting my nails, I want to be a fashion designer,I’m a writer, that’s not manly at all. I might be attracted to both men and women but my motivation is also not sexual, sure having a penis would be nice but I don’t want it for sexual purposes. I also never experienced any trauma. Now the next things I am going to mention, I do not truly expect to be true but I am afraid they are so just stick with me… I don’t think I have autism but I’m scared since I have sensory issues and a numb to my emotions, I secretly have it, this is probably just due to my OCD as I have no other symptoms. I’m also afraid I’m secretly insecure, I was bullied as a kid but I still love myself, I’m still pretty…. I don’t hate myself, I just wonder if I was wrong because of every story I read, maybe it’s how I am and I just don’t know… Now this one I am most afraid of, internalized misogyny, now I do not hate women, I love girls, it’s just I can’t be one and it’s made me frustrated and seeing women always reminds me of my own body, I cannot stand to see some pregnant, it makes me want to vomit. I’m also just not sure what internalized sexism means, I don’t want to be a man because how people treat women, I never even thought about that, I’m just afraid it’s so subconscious I don’t know. And if I’m not a trans man and I’m not dysphoric enough, I have no other reason to be trans, I must just hate being a woman? But why, I swear on everything and everyone I have ever had that I don’t, I just want to be a man and I don’t know why…. If I was alone would I want to be a man? Well I sure hope so, I can’t stand myself when I’m alone… if everyone magically thought i was a lady and treated me as such it sure be funny but if I looked in the mirror and saw a handsome young man, I think I’d be quite pleased. But at same time I’m afraid maybe a man’s body wouldn’t fit me, but a lady’s sure doesn’t either even if I am smoking hot, it still feels wrong, and maybe I do secretly like it but for the love of eveything, I do not want to, I want to think like a man, feel like a man, remember like a man, talk like a man, and have a body of one.

I also attempted suicide because I believed I would never truly be a man, but what if that just proves I’m a coward that can’t face the truth. I’ve harmed myself because I was afraid I liked my body. I don’t know anymore. What kind of man is so deeply attracted to himself? I know I probably have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder but that doesn’t make me a man, I’m probably a woman obsessed with compulsively checking if I want to be a man or not..

Everyone tells me to get therapy but that’s going to make a biological man, it’s not going to fix my issue… my problem is impossible

.

Radqueers hate trans men because they think all men are inherently evil or “not safe”. That’s also why they think straight trans men are lesbians, are connected to womanhood because they “experience misogyny”(which imo assuming every woman is vulnerable is what is actually sexist). They don’t see trans women as women either, often focusing on the fact they are “assigned male at birth” and dismissing their struggles but they overall try to include trans men in their bs, to them a trans man is just a another masculine woman. That’s why now there are people who claim to be “butch women” while fully transitioning into male because they are so convinced being a man is somehow oppressive to women. I also used to be friends with people who identified as non binary women. One claimed it was due to her sexual trauma, i obviously felt sorry for her, but she and her girlfriend always demeaned me as a trans man, this friend also said I was not truly trans because I had never been assaulted and most people think they are trans because they have been SAed she shown me statistics and I tried to explain trans people get assaulted a lot but that’s not why they are trans. She said I was a cis faker and didn’t understand, gen wtf. She is overall a very strange person. Both of these girls were also pretty creepy to me, insisting that “trans men are different, because they were born girls and more mature.” Or saying thinks like “this is only a interest trans men have” Like ok bro… I think they also contributed to my mental state and I didn’t even realize it, often attempting to convince me not to transition or making jokes about my body. When my parents forced me to wear bras that made my chest look bigger or made me wear skirts, they would tell me I looked cute and called me a femboy. I also knew this other girl was bi, she dated many trans men but oddly enough she did not see me as a man, claiming I would regret top surgery and often poking fun at how cute I looked. Unfortunately I learned most cis gay/bi women and men are like this. They think transitioning or not feel connected to womanhood as an ftm is some how misogynistic. Like no it isn’t and even if a guy is misogynistic he’s still a guy, he might not be a great guy but he’s still a man, they would never deny that when it comes to a cis man and they know it… they often accuse trans of having social motivations to transition too, like no I don’t have trauma or hate women, I’m just a guy and I don’t like myself to be a girl…My cis guy friend only likes “feminine people” which includes pre transition trans men, claims he isn’t a chaser but said he wouldn’t like them after they transition. For cis males like this people usually just say they are transphobic or chasers but for a girl, they are just queer Afab non binary she/they’s? I don’t get it, in reality it’s the same thing. 😭and there’s so many more I know because I live in a very liberal town where most people are lgbt and woke as shit. And remember having dysphoria as a trans man is not internalized misogyny, you don’t need to force yourself to be a woman because of social pressure. Claiming trans men are somehow sexist and need to get over themselves for having dysphoria is disgusting. Women can hate the social troubles of being a woman but it will never make them want to be a man or give them dysphoria no matter how many lies or fake stories you hear, it will never be true. If you are grossed out by your body, disgusted by it, angry at the fact you are female, you’re just a man, do not listen to these people 😭✌🏼

I’m ftm 16, I wish I could be a boy but it’s very clear I don’t deserve it. I recently been having intrusive thoughts that I do like my body and I do want to be a girl, I’m afraid they aren’t even intrusive after all. I am extremely terrified of my body and I’m surprised when I see it/I don’t feel like it belongs to me but that’s probably just because I wish I was male, not because I’m actually a guy. When I’m attracted to a girl I also get intrusive thoughts I want to look like her, I swear I don’t but what if it is true?For the past few months I’ve been forcing myself to dress more feminine,put on makeup, and force myself to be more comfortable in my body but I just can’t do it. I find myself attractive but my body just upsets and disgusts me. I also feel weird if I bind my chest, I can’t get a real binder so it doesn’t work that well but I’m scared it feels wrong/that I get reverse dysphoria, same with packing. I can’t tell if it’s because I’m overthinking or because it isn’t real but it doesn’t make me less of a faker. I’ve been stumbling across content of people who have detransitioned and I feel pressured to do the same, I never got any real support and I can’t medically transition, if I did, I would just realize I was never a real man. I realized I was “trans” when I was about 10, I just wanted to be a boy for whatever reason and I hated being a girl, I didn’t know why or fully what it means anyways, I only later figured it out. I only wished I had real dysphoria to be able to transition, that’s why I’m more frustrated and annoyed when I see my body, it’s not real dysphoria. I did genuinely feel dysphoria about the fact I couldn’t cum like a man, the fact I had a female brain structure, and getting my period, everything, I wish I hated more. I wish I had bottom dysphoria so much I started “feeling something was missing” and now I’m upset I “feel numb” but am still disgusted by my genitals… they didn’t always scare me when I looked at them, I was just annoyed at them and upset I had I this body… it was never real dysphoria… same with my other parts and voice tbh… I just wish I was more upset are grossed out by myself so I could become a man…I attempted to end my life many times because I know I will never truly be a man and that upset me so bad, now I think about it, that doesn’t do anything, it’s not like I’ll ever become one or be freed from misery so matter what I do. I’m stuck either way and I’ll always be forced to be a woman. I don’t even know why I want to be a man as someone who is faking, it’s not because I ever experienced sexual trauma, I have nothing against women, I’m not stereotypically masculine, I’m not a lesbian, I don’t have autism or adhd, I don’t hate how I look, I’m not insecure, I don’t think being a man is safer, I just wish I was a guy but I find myself too attractive to truly be one. Even if I’m “afraid of my body” that can’t be real dysphoria, no trans man is that turned on by his own body or would find himself that cute… I would want to become a man even if it made me less attractive but it’s so clear I don’t deserve it, everyone was right about me, I been pretending to be a man for 6 years. I know why no one supports me and just treats me like a woman, it’s because I clearly am one, even I wish I wasn’t, it doesn’t matter what I do or if I try to pass, I still look like a girl. Why are my other trans classmates more respected than me if I really was a real man? It’s obvious. If I was really trans, my parents would see it from early on, I was always so feminine as child, I could never be a man. I guess I just have to deal with literal body horror, being scared of pregnancy, and being severely envious of men for the rest of my life… I can’t transition, I don’t deserve it, I never will

I keep having dreams about being a girl and I’m scared I enjoy it. They often involve sexual acts or me looking my body. I woke up and genuinely started crying. I think I’m starting to feel like a girl, I can’t take it anymore, I can’t live like this. I just wish I could be a man but i can’t, no matter what I do, I’m always reminded of my body

Signs I’m faking
•I I feel weird when I wear masculine clothes,hide my chest/bind, pack. I wish I liked it, perhaps it’s because I feel guilty/it’s not actually real but this is a huge red flag and I know it. I felt more guilty about it recently.

•I sometimes just feel like a girl for no reason but I don’t enjoy it

•I’m afraid I’m starting to like how my body looks/be comfortable with it but at the same time, my body angers and upsets me and I feel like I have to be used it. I stare at myself often for many hours a day to see how I “really feel”. Sometimes I feel how I want, sometimes I don’t

•I can’t be attracted to a woman without thinking “what if you secretly want to be like that when I don’t, but then why does it keep coming back

• I edited my chest to look flatter before, it doesn’t scare me like my current body and it feels better but I’m not ecstatic about it

•I used to be more socially dysphoric but it made me feel guilty and like a faker so I conditioned myself with being ok when people misgendered me

•I feel like I wanted to have dysphoria and still do to be able to transition

•I don’t have a male brain structure, I just wish I did, I wish I could feel like a guy and be one but I’m not

• I have dreams about being a cis girl and getting fucked against my will, it makes me wonder if I’m faking my bottom dysphoria and I would like it but at the same time my genitals disgust me and I would never want to accept such a possibility even if it was true

•no one has ever saw me as a man or believed I was one, to everyone I was “too pretty to be trans”, “only people who are ugly and fat are trans” my mother would say to me. My school friends are not truly supportive, they just see trans men as confused masculine women and don’t want me to get surgery/try to make me feel ashamed of wanting to be a man, if I was really a man, why does no one believe me? I’m clearly not masculine enough. No one online believes me either, apparently I somehow just hate being a girl because of society(not true or I hope not, I have nothing against being a girl, it just doesn’t feel right to me…. I’m scared I just can’t accept I’m female because it seems like this forced comfort I don’t want but it’s clear I’m not a real guy either… it’s like I want to want being a guy rather than actually being one, but if I don’t have anything against it socially, what would be my reason? I just wish I could wake up as a man and be happy… why do I have to be forced to be female, seeing myself is genuine body horror, feeling like a girl makes me go crazy and feel depressed, being a guy feels better but I just don’t deserve it…)

•scared I’m ok with my voice sometime, still prefer a guys voice

This one is kind of in between, I attempted before because I believed I would never truly be a man, but this could also show I just can’t accept I’m not a real guy, rather than real dysphoria. I just can’t stand not being a real male and having to be a girl.

Signs im not?

•my body just feels off… i cant really explain it

•I wish i didn’t have female body functions and brain structure

•the thought of being pregnant is a nightmare, even seeing pregnant women scares me because it reminds me that my body can do that too

•I’m extremely envious of cis men, it feels genuine unlike my intrusive thoughts about feeling the same towards women

•speaking can sometimes me blank out/feel gross/guilty

•I’d rather be an ugly guy than a pretty girl

•I tried everything to be cis and it hasn’t worked

•I cry every time I get my period

•I can feel how wrong my hormones are, I can’t explain it

•crying makes me dysphoric

can’t tell if my feelings of liking my body is just ocd, if I do like it, or something else. When I look at myself I am often surprised and scared but at same time I find myself really attractive.. it kinda angers me that my body is female… i mostly only feel this about my chest and these thoughts only start popping up because I cannot access transition. Being a woman makes me upset and uncomfortable and I can’t stand to live if I am one. I really don’t want to like my body but I’m scared I do. I feel like I have to like it and I’m not allowed to be trans

Ftm 16(sorry for all the posts) I can’t stop thinking I secretly like my body or I’m envious of women when I’m not, I tried everything to stop it but the reminder is right in front of me everyday? I swear I am starting to force myself to like it but when I do, it feels horrifying and I’m scared of my own body….Im probably just a woman who wants to be a man. Being a woman makes me upset, it makes me want to attempt. Why can’t I just be a normal man, why can’t I transition? I just want to be a guy and have a male brain structure so I can stop feeling like a girl when I don’t want to be one. I only want to transition why am I not allowed to? All I get suggested is conversion therapy or I get told I just hate be a woman because of society, I don’t. I never even thought of that, I have no trauma, I’m not even stereotypically masculine, I just want to be a man or it’s going to drive me insane because I’m not one. at the same think i think I have a urge to force myself out of dysphoria because I just can’t transition and I don’t want to be trans. I’d give anything to be a biological male, even if I was treated as a woman and to everyone else I magically looked like one but to myself I would look and feel like a male. I can’t recognize myself in the mirror no matter how hard I try…. Even if I am faking, in my next life I want to be reborn as a cis man and forget this ever happened, I would do anything

Ftm 16(sorry for all the posts) I can’t stop thinking I secretly like my body or I’m envious of women when I’m not, I tried everything to stop it but the reminder is right in front of me everyday? Am I really even dysphoric or do I just wish I was? I’m scared I find myself attractive, too much for it to be natural. Im probably just a woman who wants to be a man. Being a woman makes me upset, it makes me want to attempt. Why can’t I just be a normal man, why can’t I transition? I just want to be a guy and have a male brain structure so I can stop feeling like a girl when I don’t want to be one. I only want to transition why am I not allowed to? All I get suggested is conversion therapy or I get told I just hate be a woman because of society, I don’t. I never even thought of that, I have no trauma, I’m not even stereotypically masculine, I just want to be a man or it’s going to drive me insane because I’m not one. at the same think i think I have a urge to force myself out of dysphoria because I just can’t transition and I don’t want to be trans. I’d give anything to be a biological male, even if I was treated as a woman and to everyone else I magically looked like one but to myself I would look and feel like a male. I can’t recognize myself in the mirror no matter how hard I try…. Even if I am faking, in my next life I want to be reborn as a cis man and forget this ever happened, I would do anything

I’m so obviously a faker that’s just denying it, all the signs are in my face.

-no real dysphoria about any part of me, I’m afraid I like my body sometimes as I find myself attractive, even tho it makes me uncomfortable, I sometimes just look at my body or hear myself and I feel nothing/even feeling normal, no man feels like that, no man is that attracted to women

-I’m afraid I like my voice sometimes, when I speak erratically, I don’t even notice my voice, and when I do, it’s because I’m “scared I like it” or am just disgusted I sound female, that’s not real dysphoria

-I realized I “had dysphoria” because I wanted to have it, I wish I could be a man

-cis “ocd” “intrusive” thoughts about being a girl when I see or hear one, I have to keep checking if the feeling is real because it scares me so bad, but no trans man with actual cis ocd or cis man with trans ocd seems to feel like me. What I feel is like it’s real but I just hate it and I don’t want it, not because I’m actually a guy. How could I be a straight man if I always liked boys and I’m not a real guy, I can’t even be bi, because maybe I’m just pretending it’s attraction so I can be a man

-I accepted i can’t ever be a real man and no one will accept me, most people are transphobic and think being trans is a fetish, delusion, social contagion and if they “respect you” they will still see you as less of your gender/would never date you or want to be close to you. No cis man would ever accept me, no cis woman would ever date me. I’m about to be a junior in high school, I’ve been bullied for being “trans” does it even count if I’m a faker or are they just giving me what I deserve? They don’t treat passing trans people like this, just me, i look like a faker and I know it.

-I hate binding, I’m scared I feel like something will feel like it’s missing, tbh it could be because it’s just too tight and it’s still there/not real but I’m afraid I won’t be used to being male along with having a male voice, penis, etc, I just wish that was me but I probably wouldn’t feel like me

-I don’t know why I can’t let being trans go, I don’t hate women, but it still feels self inflicted in the sense I just wish I could become male, my brain isn’t male, it probably wouldn’t want a male body, that’s never happening

-I attempted many times because I knew I will never be a cis male/man in any sense, and that one day my brain would accept being a woman, I cannot stand that thought

-I am envious of cis men but that feeling is probably fake and self inflicted too

-when I hear “you don’t need dysphoria to be trans” or “men can have female bodies it makes me think I’m faking or scared I am

-I hate the terms dick, penis, balls, a guy should like that, no?

-I have dreams about my genitals or other parts, often involving me having sex, I don’t like it but it makes me scared I do like it and I forced dysphoria on myself but contrastingly, I have dreams where I am born a cis man and I am happy

I’m not sure what to do, I’ve been trying to force myself to be a girl recently, it doesn’t work too well

I’m so obviously a faker that’s just denying it, all the signs are in my face.

-no real dysphoria about any part of me, I’m afraid I like my body sometimes as I find myself attractive, even tho it makes me uncomfortable, I sometimes just look at my body or hear myself and I feel nothing/even feeling normal, no man feels like that, no man is that attracted to women

-I’m afraid I like my voice sometimes, when I speak erratically, I don’t even notice my voice, and when I do, it’s because I’m “scared I like it” or am just disgusted I sound female, that’s not real dysphoria

-I realized I “had dysphoria” because I wanted to have it, I wish I could be a man

-cis “ocd” “intrusive” thoughts about being a girl when I see or hear one, I have to keep checking if the feeling is real because it scares me so bad, but no trans man with actual cis ocd or cis man with trans ocd seems to feel like me. What I feel is like it’s real but I just hate it and I don’t want it, not because I’m actually a guy. How could I be a straight man if I always liked boys and I’m not a real guy, I can’t even be bi, because maybe I’m just pretending it’s attraction so I can be a man

-I accepted i can’t ever be a real man and no one will accept me, most people are transphobic and think being trans is a fetish, delusion, social contagion and if they “respect you” they will still see you as less of your gender/would never date you or want to be close to you. No cis man would ever accept me, no cis woman would ever date me. I’m about to be a junior in high school, I’ve been bullied for being “trans” does it even count if I’m a faker or are they just giving me what I deserve? They don’t treat passing trans people like this, just me, i look like a faker and I know it.

-I hate binding, I’m scared I feel like something will feel like it’s missing, tbh it could be because it’s just too tight and it’s still there/not real but I’m afraid I won’t be used to being male along with having a male voice, penis, etc, I just wish that was me but I probably wouldn’t feel like me

-I don’t know why I can’t let being trans go, I don’t hate women, but it still feels self inflicted in the sense I just wish I could become male, my brain isn’t male, it probably wouldn’t want a male body, that’s never happening

-I attempted many times because I knew I will never be a cis male/man in any sense, and that one day my brain would accept being a woman, I cannot stand that thought

-I am envious of cis men but that feeling is probably fake and self inflicted too

-when I hear “you don’t need dysphoria to be trans” or “men can have female bodies it makes me think I’m faking or scared I am

-I hate the terms dick, penis, balls, a guy should like that, no?

-I have dreams about my genitals or other parts, often involving me having sex, I don’t like it but it makes me scared I do like it and I forced dysphoria on myself but contrastingly, I have dreams where I am born a cis man and I am happy

I’m not sure what to do, I’ve been trying to force myself to be a girl recently, it doesn’t work too well

I know I’ll never be a real man no matter how hard I try, everytime I feel confident/start to feel better. My thoughts come back or I have a dream at night but having my birth genitals, I’m so fucking scared of what it actually means. I don’t think I have any social reasoning to be trans as in, I don’t have any hatred for women or I just think it’s unsafe to be a woman but my dysphoria is probably socially caused because I just want to be a man.

I used to have little to no dysphoria, there are some feelings that seem to come naturally but it doesn’t seem like enough/actually true. I think i just wanted to have bottom dysphoria but I’m trying to avoid the truth because i can’t stand being female. I wonder if it’s true i do enjoy having it, despite being disgusted by it….. I don’t deserve to have a penis despite feeling something missing between my legs(the sensation is probably fake) and I find them ugly anyways, it’s not even cause I’m a straight “man” it’s because it would probably feel wrong to me and I just wish it didn’t… I want to have a penis, I want to be comfortable with it. same with having a flat chest and deep voice, I want it but I probably wouldn’t be used to it. I’m too feminine to deserve it. I also have “intrusive thoughts” about secretly wanting to be like a girl when I’m attracted to one, I don’t really feel that like I want to look like a girl, but no man thinks the way I do… if they were really intrusive, why do they keep coming back and why does it feel so strong and real.

Why am I also so attracted to myself, despite it feeling wrong? I probably just like my body and don’t want to admit it and I’m just using it as an excuse. I sometimes am scared I like my voice too and I feel gross after speaking, I hate it, why can’t I sound like a boy

I hate having female parts, why couldn’t have I been male since birth with a male brain. I attempted so many times because I’m not a real man and I would never be, I will always feel like a woman with no way out. I wish I could be male, I wish I could allow myself to transition but I just can’t. I’m just going to have to spend the rest of my life wishing I was male and staring at men i wish I could be.

Actual trans men may be truly dysphoric and their misery is more real than mine but at least they get to become men, I can’t. I don’t wish I was a man to escape misogyny or femininity but to escape my body and the feeling of being a girl so it’s harder to let go and not feel pain everyday

Afab 16, I have no other choice but to rep, at this point it doesn’t even count as repping, it’s just admitting I’ll never be a real man no matter how hard I try, I wasn’t born as a trans man or a cis man, I was born as a girl, I have a female brain structure and body no matter how hard I try to deny it. People tell me intrusive thoughts are often your true feelings you won’t admit, I think they are correct, men can have gender ocd about being a woman but no one has it like me. I can’t even look at a woman without thinking “what if I want to be like her” or testing if I do. I say I don’t, I feel like I don’t, I know I prefer to be a man but then why does it keep coming back. Every man I’m envious of, I know I’m faking it, I always wonder if their body secretly looks wrong or off to me, it probably does. No one has ever accepted me and I know why, I’m too feminine, I look like a complete joke telling people I’m a man, with my feminine voice and curvy body. Everyone that has pretended to support me has only wanted to “fix me” through sex. If I could choose, I would choose to be a cis male with normal male structure and no thoughts or feelings I was ever a girl. I don’t have any external reasons to transition because I’m not bothered by society but I admit I do wish I was “more dysphoric” so I could be a man. Now I look at my body I’m just afraid I either find myself attractive, I dissociate, or it feels like nothing but I feel disgust at the same time. I can look at cis men all day and be envious, It doesn’t change the fact I am a woman and I will always be, I don’t even deserve to bind my chest, everytime I do, I’m scared it feels wrong or I get surprised by it… despite me thinking I “want a flat chest”I don’t even deserve to get people to call me a boy

I’m ftm and I have bad thoughts I am a girl, I can’t be attracted to a woman or see one without checking if I want to be like her/being scared I do… I don’t genuinely want to be a girl and I only want to be a boy…. I always feel really scared and I don’t know what to do