u/Terrible_Change_9558

As the title say. I'm 6'1,trans female (sorry) with all that insinuate with no breast, wear size 13 female (or Eu 45) and don't really have female body (photo on profile if you're curious).

Maybe I ask too much but what advice would you give to me in my situation? I honestly don't know what to do and I give me a lot of dread recently.

Thanks.

And I talk above 5'10 tall

Let's be honest

We're fucked are we?

I mean, since the beginning of my transition, my height ALWAYS.FUCKING.CLOCK.ME.

People are gentle, sure but they know, oh they know you're trans, you can look whatever you want, you can add makeup or whatever, they know.

And the worst part, IT WILL NEVER CHANGE

We're condemn, we're in the worst side of the worst side of the trans who can transition because most of the time, we will be the townpole of all the misogyny, transmisogy and sheer hatred

We're so fucked

"you will see a lot of girl like you outside" they say

Well I go outside today, going to the mall, seing all the woman being thin or at least well endowed, smaller than me always .

Seing all the outfit, nothing working for me, nothing fitting me.

Feeling how wrong I look compared to them, even to my friend who were trans.

It was so so so painful

It's so unfair....

All is in the title.

Like, it's been 31 months on HRT now, it's summer. Everybody is hot except me and the frustration of forced myself to boymod because I just look ridiculous in fem summer clothes is making me crazy.

Like how do you want me to wear a dress when I'm too tall, no boobs, no fem curves, huge feet and calves absolutely ridiculous because way too big.

It's a joke if I try and I really don't need that

But I'm curious.

People who surely have the same situation than me, how do you do thrive despite getting nothing feminine to show? Do you hide yourself? Do you just assume and make it work?

I'm pretty sure I already know the answer but I'm curious

Thanks you

All is in the title so let's get to the detail

Got my first years with estrogel. Scrotal every day. Got first "change" after six month with nipple more pointy but then, nothing else. Still don't worry too much because it was the beginning

The T level were pretty low, estro devastating this so I didn't take anti androgen right now. My estro level at this time were high, like ~600 pg/ml, doctor says it was high but fine and again, don't feel any problem with it

One year later, I get to proge. Boofing always at night. Still continue estrogel without anti androgen. Feel no change in perticular but level were wonky with sometime going above 800 pg/ml, sometimes something like under 200 pg/ml. Strong suspicion of false result but I was dedicate to make it right and despite all my effort, I still have these number

Still no notifying change so far. Measurement were the same than before, no boobs, no nipple growth. Nothing. I began to worry about it a bit seing people getting a lot of change after one year (on internet but also IRL)

By November, I decided to stop estrogel because the level were instable and going full DIY with enanthate injection weekly, but also an another turnaround of my regiment (who were already transfem related) with supplement like pueraria, fenugreek and vitamins.

So since the beginning of the years, I'm with injection,T is 0,485 mol/L (UPDATE: Now 0.548 nmol/L) , estro was above 300 hundred for a time but decided to reduce between 200 and 300 (last analysis put me at 211 pg/ml), Shbg is 46 nmol/L for those wondering

No evolution so far, no boobs and tits or anything noticeable (little lactation tho but it was fenugreek and it was one night) Stopped phytoestrogens (fenu, pruearia) since may to see if that will altered the effect and added two week ago bicalutamide (25 mg/day). I lose nipple sensibility but also no more seminal liquid when I do my stuff since recently (but before I added the anti androgens)

Feel really desesparate and let down. I'm already in a hard place for my everyday passing but without any evolution or proof it work, I feel betrayed and really bitter about all of this

So now I'm asking. What did I do wrong? What should I do next?

Ps: the number for my testosterone and my shbg are kinda old, like beginning of the years old if you want to know, don't know if that change anything

This is for all the people sharing their photo, bragging their progress and showing how good their transition went.

When we challenge their pov, telling them it's mostly luck and they should be glad for it , they always says it due to hard work and courage and yadda yadda and so dismiss what's you say

It was hard work if they're below 6 feet and in a female range?

It was hard work if they already have a female frame since the beginning?

It was hard work if their hair were already good?

The genetic and Hrt working wonderfully to them? Sure it's hard work and they did merit the result

The truth is, hard work exist, some people work hard to get what they have but in no case they could work harder than any other of us. Result is based on luck, if you don't have one of the things I say upthere, you can work hard, you will never get what you want

It's the same thing like everything in society in general . NOBODY desserve where they are. They just get lucky and be rewarded at the end. With hard work or not.

It tired me when lucky passing gals (or girl) tell us to work harder and be better and please seek therapy while they brag about their success and tell us how hard it was like the nepo genetics baby they are.

Life is not fair, transition is not fair so just be humble and live your life, stop giving false hope and maskeraiding help with bragging

That's all, give me the downvote now

Real question. It been 30 month, slowly going to my third years. Doing a lot of things like checking my oestro level, my T, taking supplement, progesterone, anti androgen , doing eyebrow trimming, learning make up, wearing girl outfit, working my voice, getting a therapy, you name it

And so far nothing like no change from Hrt or clear passing (people don't gender me or gender me as mister or ma'am but clearly acknowledging my situation).I get rewarded by nothing, no boobs, no fat distribution etc

So I wonder, at which point I give up? Like what the moment I should say to myself "stop trying and go down"

Not talking about stopping Hrt necessarily but maybe just give up my dream to be seen as a woman because it hurt me more than it give me hope right now.

Should I wait three years? Five? Ten? Continue to hope while seeing others getting what they want or simply assuming the fact I will be in the shit tier?

I honestly don't know

Ps: maybe you seen this text on other sub, it's normal I just remind myself this sub exist and feel it was more relevant to post here that's all

Thanks you

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Real question. It been 30 month, slowly going to my third years. Doing a lot of things like checking my oestro level, my T, taking supplement, progesterone, anti androgen , doing eyebrow trimming, learning make up, wearing girl outfit, working my voice, getting a therapy, you name it

And so far nothing like no change from Hrt or clear passing (people don't gender me or gender me as mister or ma'am but clearly acknowledging my situation).I get rewarded by nothing, no boobs, no fat distribution etc

So I wonder, at which point I give up? Like what the moment I should say to myself "stop trying and go down"

Not talking about stopping Hrt necessarily but maybe just give up my dream to be seen as a woman because it hurt me more than it give me hope right now.

Should I wait three years? Five? Ten? Continue to hope while seeing others getting what they want or simply assuming the fact I will be in the shit tier?

I honestly don't know

It's hot and EVERYBODY is hot and everybody wear cool stuff like robe. Denim short, cute top and other things we wear in summer

Except me because I'm ashamed of my ogrish body and don't want to ridiculize other by being this Trans gal without tits or any female attribute wearing fem outfit like transvestite (nothing against them, not what I want to be tho)

I goddamn hate summer, I can't hide my body anymore and force to suffer the heat while being goddamn envious of any cis or Trans passing near me

It's a bad season and it's excruciating

No changes, more pressure, never stop comparing to others who have obviously better transition than me or at least change. Forced to FFS while I'm sure my height will still clock me. Look ugly, be ugly.

Get desperate slowly.

Happy pride month tho

That's all, it's been 28 month and got nothing so far

I need them to balance my body and my body don't want to give me that

Please give me boobs

Asking for a friend (who is myself)