Another day, another % of faith lost in men 😔🙏🏻
Hello dosto! Bestie ne bola i should reddit dump as my 9month long situationship/casual dating but not so casual whatever ended today…
BEAR WITH ME.
Phew. Okay. So. We met on hinge, i had a fun chatty phase so for the first time i used hinge and added 6 people on Instagram after using it for a week. This is last September. Eventually 4 of them fizzled out, kuch bana nhi khas after initial stuff. November aa gya, one of 2 remaining guys asked me out and like we hadn’t flirted once, i was just talking ki dekhte h kya hi hoga. I went out totally surprised, no expectations, and it was really good. We went on dates whole Nov, Dec, Jan.
Stayed the night w him after 2months, we had a good thing going, i was okay with casual even. He was genuinely nice, attentive, respectful, sweet, my type and we had such fun conversations which were witty AND flirty. Checked all my boxes. We would give each other tiny gifts, (got me earrings and a necklace on different occasions) i even gave him a painting i did myself w a personal message cus he celebrates Christmas.
Note: Texting was in a gap of hours, no calls, sometimes we would have conversations on text at a flow but mostly when we met. I was okay w it, and busy w my college etc.
February— he almost vanishes. Dry convos. It was weird, for more than 2 weeks this went on, i gave up on valentines day frustrated w the nonchalance and asked him if he’s not interested i would rather he just says so. He says sorry, i feel blue, drained of social battery, wanna stay at home, didn’t want to just be like u should come over etc. We had a whole conversation, he would reply after a day or so and i was like OK, i get it everyone has those i dont feel like going out phase.
We met after a month. Kinda awkward i think mostly cus i was feeling weird and had questions like maybe he doesn’t like me anymore it’s different now. Then a week later on some discussion he mentioned if i have an issue i should just tell him, ofc he likes me, i need not overthink., blah blah.
Cut to march, april, may — we met once each month, i had academic stuff, he had job stuff, schedules wouldn’t line up. We understood. But something was weird. Since march i had been feeling strongly for him, like i wanted more, but we had never discussed what we are what do we want.. i thought maybe ill go w the flow we can figure it out, we did mention once in early dates that casual dating is good, going w the flow and all. I had now been noticing these details i didn’t before.. how he smiles, how his different laughs sound, his face when he wants to kiss me but im speaking so he’s just looking at me like that, or how he moves, how sexy he sounds when he speaks in his native language (we only spoke in english), you get the picture.
I would send him those flirty posts on Instagram, we would text still in gaps but like since forever this one conversation had been continued, i secretly started wanting some initiative from him, cus ofc i was now noticing how involved he is. We were once seeing each others liked posts and he was like haww you didn’t send this to me and i was like you dont send me stuff either and then he was like i send when i see i get busy w work and when i get back at the flat i make dinner and stuff, no energy, etc, then after much discussion i realised later when you like someone, it’s not dependant on how much they give you right?
I decided i wont stop myself from sending/saying stuff i want to. I mean sure is after a point this does matter ofc. But until then, i can control how and what i wanna express, everyone has different ways to express, i might find out more since atp we are more comfortable w each other - mentally and physically. I kept thinking if i am really liking this person. For real. What does this mean? How do i ask him? What if he only wants physical? I would be on and off in denial. I was like eh. I don’t want this. I had no expectations. You get the gist.
April, we met and i almost asked him what are we. I built up and was like my friends want me to ask what is this, they’ve been asking if you’re still in hinge, blah blah, he was like right cus there’s no labels? And at that point, meri fatt gyi. I was just like yeah. He asked me do you wanna discuss? And i was like hm? Noo. If we wanted to talk about it we would have. (Fuck u anxiety) He just agreed.
Stupid me, i still didn’t realise why i chickened out. A week later i realised it is because (1) i don’t want him to go away (2) i am not truly sure what i want him to say. Am i ready for a full blown relationship? So i decided, that ill either try to be nonchalant like him, if i can’t ill tell him we shouldn’t see each other. (I kinda knew i cant be chalant for the life of me lol but i wanted to see him once before this conversation incase it goes south. I was like ill do it in person next we meet)
May, June — i had exams, last semester, ton of work, he had work as well and then just before my exams ended he was to spend half of his june in his hometown. Most of this time either i was busy, then he was like im having those low social battery phase again. He wouldn’t reply for 2days at one point. I got frustrated, i told him its ok dude talk to me when you have time, this is waaay exhausting, and he was like i like talking to you, he apologised a lot, and said i am very nice to him and he feels bad, me being angry or resentful is justified.
And honestly? Atp i wasn’t. I didn’t know where this is going. I couldn’t help but see:
I initiate any flirty conversations
I mostly carry the conversations
I express i like him
I send him those posts or reels and hes simply existing
I make an effort to make up a lie and stay over
I really reaaaaallly liked him but his inconsistency was turning me off.
By june i couldn’t give enough fucks to pretend im okay with this, i didn’t initiate, i didn’t do anything extra. I also didn’t play those games where people count the number of hours and stuff before replying. We did talk everyday now (in gap texts) but random stuff. I am a simple person, i replied him when i saw his text, no matter when he texted me, i trusted hes sincere. His energy was off as well, my cousins would jokingly say he’s seeing someone else, and i cant deny this thought hadn’t crossed my mind. (Also the last week or so had been good, we even flirted and he was like “i miss kissing you” and all that!)
We planned to meet today. I was like finally i can have that conversation and be relieved whatever may happen. And surpise surpise. Before we decided on details in the morning as per usual he says he’s been seeing someone. “A long distance, no labels, no commitment thing” that he’s still figuring out. Just a day before i genuinely had thought to myself, if he isnt double dating and still being this way, thats a much worse situation to be in. He wanted to know what we are before continuing further.
I kid you not, he said all these things in a span of thirty minutes (1) he wants a meaningful romantic connection with me (2) we should be friends; “not close all doors” (3) he likes someone else now and “what if i think of them” and that “intimacy would be an issue if we meet today” (4) “we shouldn’t end this definitively” (5) he still doesn’t know where we are going
☺️ can someone shoot me?
I was patient. I showed empathy. I tried to understand him. I didn’t nag. I didn’t pressure him to be something. I didn’t make a fuss out of things. I made efforts, i took initiative.
If you would read our conversation it sounds as if i am the one who’s made it purely physical and he needs to know his place so he can continue whatever tf he wanted w this other girl. (Who by the way is like go see other people, i am doing it too.) I wont say my communication was the best, but atleast i tried to talk. There’s only so much i can do while im already going out on a limb for what felt like almost all the time to me.
I am actually kinda relieved as well. But he was so caring, educated, like genuinely even doing well in life, and idk seemd like a lovely person. I am baffled he would rather start talking to other people than have a straight conversation. What the fuck did i even do wrong?
Also. Idk who has it worse between the both of us here💀💀💀
TL;DR: Unexpectedly fun hinge date turned into 9 months of casual dating/situationship, it was really good first couple of months, later he became inconsistent. Replied hours later, busy with work and what not. I showed empathy. He reassured me. Before I could ask today (he didn’t ask previously either) where we stood, he told me he’d started seeing someone else but still wanted me in his life. Genuinely asking: where did this go wrong?