u/Lady_Anxiety

Ever since I hit my head I feel like I’m not capable of feeling anymore.
Not the way I used to.

I used to feel it as a scale. Content to ecstatic, sad to depressed, irritated to livid with a LOT of space in between to experience all of different kinds of emotions. From content, to happy, to joyous, to excited, etc.

Now I feel like I only feel the extremes. I’m either neutral or depressed, neutral or livid, neutral or exhausted. Almost never happy. Neutral is my new “happy” because nothing bad is happening so I must be in a good mood.

Even right now when I can tell this is something that should bother me I just sort of feel like I’m experiencing irritation through the lense of someone that’s pretending to know what irritation is. I’m neutral or I cry. That’s really my only two emotions now. Neutral or crying,

I wish I could feel happy the way I used to. I’m neutral or I’m laughing, really. And laughing is so temporary. It’s hard for me to express my emotions too. I can tell I’m supposed to feel something and I’m kind of feeling it but I have to try and put up a little act for people. Is this just me?

I worry my tag isn’t really accurate since I have no proper diagnosis yet, but I really feel like I need support.

It all starts after I get out of an abusive relationship, and start developing seizures from it. I really thought I was faking. I thought it was just me being a compulsive liar and wanting attention. I ignored it and I collapsed at work and had a seizure. I hit my head right against the concrete floor.

I remember being conscious in the ambulance, and joking, thinking nothing happened. Then in the hospital delusion, paranoia, crying, fear, shaking and pain.
And then I was fine. They started me on keppra and it only made it worse with more violent seizures that had my whole body shaking like a gran mal, more delusion and anger and anxiety

Now I’m off keppra and have been for weeks. I still feel kind of like a shell. I can’t go back to work just yet, I’m only two months in and I still feel pretty much the exact same as I felt in the beginning. I’m still confused, I still forget, I get distracted, I feel like I can’t form new memories, I struggle with my words, by the end of the day I’m exhausted and fatigued and can’t walk, I’m nauseous and weak, and worst of all I don’t even know if it’s all in my head yet.

I can’t wait another month for the results. I feel like everything is falling apart around me and it might not even be real. I can’t stand the idea of being home all the time anymore I just want to go back to doing my 9-5 that I kind of hated and feeling useful.

I want the results to mean I’m not faking but I don’t want them to mean it’s real at the same time.

And the endless depression- the way people talk to me, especially my psychiatrist as if it’s all in my head - I actually feel crazy. I feel like no one actually truly understands how I see the world now. It’s all new and terrifying.

Does it ever stop being scary?

Pretty self explanatory… how does one go about living normally back in your OR after reality shifting?? It doesn’t make sense to me.. I haven’t done it YET, but I’ve always wondered how people continue to go about their days as if they didn’t just.. yk.. SHIFT
Like is it not as big of a deal for yall as it as for the people who have already done it?

I’ve been thinking about this for a while, but there’s so much differentiating information- how is someone supposed to detach from their results, the affirmations, everything and ALSO work on limiting beliefs, affirm, etc?

Does it not ACTUALLY matter if you PERSONALLY work on any of it as long as you are detached completely? I heard a sub maker say the best way is to listen to the subs while you sleep and forget about them during the day, but everyone also says to constantly try to fix limiting beliefs and stuff. I don’t know if this makes sense but my question is just which is ACTUALLY important: detaching or thinking about it?

I really want to perma-shift. I have a picture for a perfect life out there made for me and I want it but it’s so hard not feeling like I’m leaving my family behind in my OR even though I know they also are going to be there-

My dad has told me that doing psychedelics has made him Astro project and see multiple versions of himself which is awesome and definitely reaffirmed my belief in shifting (I tried back in 2019 for about two years but I kinda gave up when I only got some signs but couldn’t push through completely) and now my biggest limit is just FOMO and feeling like im abandoning everyone-

I guess my real question is did/does anyone else experience the FOMO and how did you push through it?

About a month ago I had a concussion due to a seizure (the seizures are also new) and ever since then I’ve been walking weird, having bad focus issues, having weird new speech patterns and have just been noticeably different but I didn’t think it was much.

I saw a neurologist today, and he did some basic tests on me but was super quick with them and the tests confused me. Like he would quickly change from test to test, he made me point at which hand he was wiggling his finger at and made me walk and after he saw how I reacted he immediately helped me start walking around his office and offered step stools for me when I got on and off the exam table.

After the test he wrote notes for the rest of the time and then ordered an EEG, muscle test, MRI, and memory test to be done. Is this normal procedure or does this mean I have reason to be concerned. Do all neurologists usually ask for these tests even if they have no reason to be concerned? Sorry if this sounds dumb, I’m just curious and I can’t remember much of the time I spent waiting