u/Lalaland2936

If you did not catch my first post, the title is above and you can look at my profile.

Recently I tried to discuss the issues again which lead to "I'm tired so I'll text you when I'm feeling better". This answer was given this full weekend. I'd attempt to make contact and I'd receive an "I'm tired" text. And today I asked her how her day was since she told me she would talk to me at 4pm after an event finished. 6pm comes around and I still haven't heard anything so I made first contact.

This was met with "oh I'm out for dinner and seeing a movie, I'll text you later".

This broke me and I told her that I miss her and what she used to make me feel. This was met with "I'm just busy and tired recently, it's okay"... That was it. She did not attempt to discuss it or even make sure I felt alright. I immediately told her that I'm feeling undervalued and just not cared for anymore, I couldn't understand how being tired meant not atleast giving me updates about her day or talking about her day at the end of the night. Because this is her excuse for everything, I don't know whether it's just childish behavior of 'I'm sleepy, I'm not going to do anything now' or what is going on but I'm at the point that with our 1 year anniversary celebration coming at the end of this week, I don't know if I can go ahead with it.

Even when booking dinner for this week, when I told her, I was met with "ohh, wait what? I'm not sure I want to go out but it's fine we can".

TLDR: I feel like I'm back in highschool, dating emotionally unavailable girls who cannot work with their emotions.

Some context first,

I come from a background of having 4 relationships before her. She has only had 1 Long term relationship before me, but she left that person because of emotional abuse, things such as manipulation into having sex were not uncommon in that relationship.

She also comes from an extremely religious background whereas I do not. She has expressed multiple times that she was always suppressed from having any form of romantic connection with someone and even touching herself was seen as wrong.

Since about the 6 month mark, our relationship has slowly died of any intimacy, beforehand she would initiate sex atleast twice a week and I would do the same. Afterwards, it died down to myself initiating it and she would only accept my advances maybe once every two weeks on a good fortnight.

On top of this, she would never initiate a kiss or a hug, even in bed I would have to cuddle her but this would lead to her not even looking at me, pretending I'm not there almost, just watching the TV.

We have had so many discussions about this issue, and at one point after one of our conversations, she told me to seek therapy because I am too attached to having sex and the pressure on her is causing her mental distress. I did as such and my therapist told me what you all might also say which is that 'it is normal to have these urges, for your age and also because you seek physical connection with her which for most men, come partly through sexual contact'. Under recommendation of the therapist, i stopped the therapy sessions due to it being deemed unnecessary for the reason I was there.

Every time me and my partner bring up the conversation now, it feels like I'm attacking her as she claims that 'you need to understand healing is not an always up journey' but when I ask her how I can help, she doesn't respond and instead changes the subject.

I'm at a point where sex happens at the most, once in every two weeks and any form of physical intimacy is only ever initiated by me and even when I ask for her to do something, I get this awkward half hug situation where it's like she doesn't want to do it.

I'm now being driven to think that I'm unsure if I can survive with this being my life, I love her so much but the lack of physical intimacy is driving me to lose connection with her and feel unwanted.

I'm unsure what to do next and how to go about this.

I brought it up last night and was met with "I'm too tired to talk about this, I'm going to sleep" now this morning I was given a "morning" message and that was it which is extremely unusual for our regular days.

TLDR: Partner is refusing physical intimacy and keeps suggesting I stop my own desires which is making me feel undesired and distant from her.