u/Lani202

I’m 1/4 Japanese — my dad is half. I have three siblings—two look (imo) half Asian, one looks
“ethnically ambiguous” and people are always asking her where she is from/what her ancestry is, and then I am blonde, green eyes, and very Western features.

I think the fact that my siblings look so different from me is actually where most of my complicated feelings about being mixed come from. We have the same Japanese side of the family, but looking at us, you would never guess that I’m the one who is probably the most invested in it. My grandma lives in Japan, I stay in contact with her, and earlier this year I stayed with her for a month and met all of my relatives in Osaka.

Sometimes I wonder if I overcompensate because that part of me isn’t visible (I cannot be the only one whose done this) Most of my closest friends happen to be Asian, I bring up my Japanese family probably more than I need to, and I know my friends sometimes get annoyed by how often I mention it. I think there’s a part of me that wants people to know because otherwise they simply wouldn’t. One of my
Asian friends really likes to make fun of white people and I always happen to be the one she goes after, which is fine I get over it.. doesn’t mean that some of those things don’t hurt. The problem for me with it though is that she NEVER says those things to my sister and they are just as close. And some my white friends from childhood (all of whom I am no longer speaking too) hated the fact that I associated with my Japanese side.. like HATED it. They always asked me why I’m trying to be different.

…So I’m always like.. okay so really I’m not accepted by either so maybe I should just shut up and accept the fact that I am white, never bring up my Japanese side of the family, and just “be white” because sometimes I truly believe that people will find that more acceptable then trying to relate to a side that I have no physical similarities with. Am I just trying to be different than your average white person of European decent living in the US? Why am I so hyper-fixated on proving to people that I am not just “just white” even though from the outside, I am “just white”.

At the same time, I know looking white means my experience is fundamentally different from my dad and my siblings and friends who look/are Asian. I know it’s insane that I am almost jealous they have those experiences, but it comes from the fact that they all have these shared experiences and I have absolutely no way to relate, that is why I overcompensate.

I guess that’s the part of mixed identity I struggle with, my siblings and I can share the exact same family and ancestry while being perceived completely differently. I sometimes feel like I have to verbally establish a connection that is automatically recognized in them. I know appearance doesn’t determine my relationship with my own family, but I’d be lying if I said looking so different from my siblings hasn’t affected how I think about my identity. I feel so pathetic, really I get it, but who doesn’t want to feel connected with their family especially with their siblings? I know this is something I need to just get over and I’ve tried but I just can’t and I really don’t think I ever will.

*note: if you are just going to tell me to not care about other people’s opinions and find new friends, that’s just not the advice I need rn 😭😭 🙏🏻

I am going to Munich for a conference from Sept 3-Sept 13 then have free rein until Sept 20th. I’m on a tight budget but am willing to stay in hostels and travel cheap. Flights will be covered by airline points.

I was considering spending 2 nights in Vienna and then going to Grindelwald (all by train) and flying out of Zurich.

OR

I can go to Grindelwald instead of Vienna and then go to London on the 16th. I would also try and go to Scotland before flying out on the 20th. If I go to London I would stay with my mom and she would cover accommodations.

I am 22 and just graduated so this trip isn’t a good financial decision but I want to do it before I start my full time position. Also it would be my first time traveling alone internationally. My goal for this trip would be to go to beautiful places but not blow my wallet. I really would like to go to Grindelwald. I’m from the US so since my company is paying for my flight to and from home, I want to make the most of it.

I can mix and match things but would appreciate any suggestions. I’m terrible at making decisions like these on my own and my mom will kill me if I ask her one more time 😭😭 (btw I’m aware Switzerland is expensive)

I am 1/4 Japanese (dad is 1/2) and it is causing me an identity crisis. I wouldn’t be having this problem if all my siblings and I looked alike but I am pale with pink skin, blonde, and green eyes (I am white)… my siblings on the other hand all have dark brown hair, brown/green eyes, beautiful olive/tanned skin, and as my grandma (Japanese) says they all have “her blood”.

Currently in Japan right now staying with my grandma and one of my siblings and all I get to hear is how my sister looks so “oriental” and Japanese. It just hurts. It doesn’t help that my sister is size 00 and I’m a 6 so throw on top of that her basically calling me a chud today when I literally eat the same amount as my sister all the time.

I want to all add that I have studied Japanese and can speak and read pretty well - my siblings literally know nothing. I am the navigator and translator here. I know it’s me trying to make up for what I lack in looks. I get the white privilege everyone talks about and unfortunately my siblings have all experienced racism because people can tell they aren’t just white. I’m just tired of the constant comparison between us by our family and people being shocked that we are siblings at this point I’d rather just be fully white. I’m sick of it and it makes me so angry. My siblings would also never have had an interest in seeing our grandma and going to Japan if I hadn’t pushed them to go.

Also note, I did a DNA test and I’m 25% Japanese and my sister is 34% idk about my other siblings but I think they are more than her tbh. Yes, I understand I am still 75% white so it makes sense that I’m white. I’ve heard it more times than I can count.

Anyone else look nothing like their siblings or have similar experiences?

I just graduated today and am seeing now the true colors of some of my “friends” I’ve had all of college. I was the mom of our group and literally cooked and fed everyone all the time (my choice I know) but I was the only one who graduated they are all a year below me.. it’s summer now and most of them are home or internship and I noticed as soon as I graduated , it was like within hours , they aren’t interested in anything I had to say. I invested so much into these friendships and I know they are my friends and I shouldn’t expect anything in return but I really feel used and left out alone to dry :(

I have so many regrets and truly hate some of these girls now. I am seeing how mean they are - I knew before but I wanted to keep peace in our group. Now I’m moving home with my mom for 6 months and I’m sad to be leaving these friends because I made my life revolve around them.. I was just never a priority for them. I’m sad and I have no friends in my hometown. Has anyone else experienced this with their friends from college? Graduation also sucked bc none of my friends graduated with me lol 😀

High school mindset really never goes away - I still think I have some of it.