r/wasian

it's a rare mix but the schools so big maybe someone here is (im middle eastern and asian)

I’m 1/4 Japanese — my dad is half. I have three siblings—two look (imo) half Asian, one looks
“ethnically ambiguous” and people are always asking her where she is from/what her ancestry is, and then I am blonde, green eyes, and very Western features.

I think the fact that my siblings look so different from me is actually where most of my complicated feelings about being mixed come from. We have the same Japanese side of the family, but looking at us, you would never guess that I’m the one who is probably the most invested in it. My grandma lives in Japan, I stay in contact with her, and earlier this year I stayed with her for a month and met all of my relatives in Osaka.

Sometimes I wonder if I overcompensate because that part of me isn’t visible (I cannot be the only one whose done this) Most of my closest friends happen to be Asian, I bring up my Japanese family probably more than I need to, and I know my friends sometimes get annoyed by how often I mention it. I think there’s a part of me that wants people to know because otherwise they simply wouldn’t. One of my
Asian friends really likes to make fun of white people and I always happen to be the one she goes after, which is fine I get over it.. doesn’t mean that some of those things don’t hurt. The problem for me with it though is that she NEVER says those things to my sister and they are just as close. And some my white friends from childhood (all of whom I am no longer speaking too) hated the fact that I associated with my Japanese side.. like HATED it. They always asked me why I’m trying to be different.

…So I’m always like.. okay so really I’m not accepted by either so maybe I should just shut up and accept the fact that I am white, never bring up my Japanese side of the family, and just “be white” because sometimes I truly believe that people will find that more acceptable then trying to relate to a side that I have no physical similarities with. Am I just trying to be different than your average white person of European decent living in the US? Why am I so hyper-fixated on proving to people that I am not just “just white” even though from the outside, I am “just white”.

At the same time, I know looking white means my experience is fundamentally different from my dad and my siblings and friends who look/are Asian. I know it’s insane that I am almost jealous they have those experiences, but it comes from the fact that they all have these shared experiences and I have absolutely no way to relate, that is why I overcompensate.

I guess that’s the part of mixed identity I struggle with, my siblings and I can share the exact same family and ancestry while being perceived completely differently. I sometimes feel like I have to verbally establish a connection that is automatically recognized in them. I know appearance doesn’t determine my relationship with my own family, but I’d be lying if I said looking so different from my siblings hasn’t affected how I think about my identity. I feel so pathetic, really I get it, but who doesn’t want to feel connected with their family especially with their siblings? I know this is something I need to just get over and I’ve tried but I just can’t and I really don’t think I ever will.

*note: if you are just going to tell me to not care about other people’s opinions and find new friends, that’s just not the advice I need rn 😭😭 🙏🏻