u/Lanky-Ostrich1369

I love having sex with my partner, and I’m very attracted to him (and I know he’s attracted to me too!). I just want us to explore more and figure out what really works for both of us.

I find that I get off much more easily with clitoral stimulation, so sometimes I’ll use my vibrator while we’re having sex, or we’ll switch to kissing and touching each other while I use it. Sometimes that works really well, but I’d love to find ways for us to make sex more pleasurable and help me orgasm more consistently.

One thing I’ve noticed is that I seem to need a certain momentum to build towards an orgasm. If I’m using my vibrator during penetration, for example, and the rhythm keeps changing or getting interrupted, I find it difficult to get there. I can’t quite explain it, but I feel like I need consistency to build up to that point.

I also find that feeling desired and knowing he’s really into it makes a big difference for me.

For women who’ve figured out what works for them, how did you get there? Is it about finding the right rhythm, combining penetration with clitoral stimulation, feeling connected, or something else entirely? How do you communicate what you need without necessarily knowing how to explain it yourself?
I’d love to hear your experiences!

my partner and i have been going through a really difficult time, and yesterday i had a bit of a realisation that i can’t stop thinking about.

there have been so many disagreements (over really small things) where i’ve ended up feeling overwhelmed and upset, and i’ve always thought to myself, “i just want my partner to come to me, give me a hug, try to understand what i’m going through, validate me, and just stay with me while i’m feeling this.”

and honestly, that is a genuine need i have in a relationship. i want a partner who can comfort me and make me feel like we’re still connected even when we’re struggling.

but i realised yesterday that i’ve been communicating that need in a way that probably makes it really difficult for my partner to actually meet it.

instead of saying, “i’m really overwhelmed right now and i need some comfort. i’d really appreciate a hug when you’re able to,” i’ve often been saying things like, “i need you to hug me right now,” and then continuing to push when he isn’t able to.

and i think that’s where i’ve been going wrong. i’m taking a genuine need and turning it into something my partner has to provide immediately, and when he doesn’t, i become even more upset and push harder. i’m essentially trying to make him give me the exact response i need in that moment.

yesterday i realised that i can state my need without trying to control whether or how he meets it. i can tell him what i need, give him the opportunity to respond, and then allow him to decide whether he’s able to come towards me.

i’m still trying to figure out what the balance is between “i can’t force someone to meet my needs” and “i shouldn’t ignore my needs when they’re consistently not being met.”

has anyone else been through this? where you realised you were pushing or demanding something from your partner, changed the way you communicated your needs, and actually saw your partner start responding differently as a result? i’d really love to hear if making that change actually shifted the dynamic in your relationship.