u/Large-Return5332

Hello everyone, I could really use some support.

My husbands mother is a raging abusive covert narcissist. My father was also a narcissist but he was more grandiose and I had never seen her subtype of narcissism before. First she befriended me, I saw her as a nervous insecure older woman nervous about aging and feeling very othered and me being pretty confident, having lost my mother whom I dearly loved I felt protective of her. I truly felt she was one of my best friends. I soon discovered that she had launched a smear campaign behind my back to my husband.

Many of the milestones that are important to a couple were secretly sabotaged by her— we made plans to move, to increase our income and purchase a home. He had a great career and made great money.

He began shifting his career to meet our higher goal and I got hard at work on my portion of our plan and then things just kind of fell apart and I couldn’t understand why. He kept saying that he was worried about our financial security, that he was working too many hours and suggesting delays in our plans. Next thing you know he quits his job, his plans stalled and we are in a horrible financial situation. I later discovered that his mother had been planting seeds about how hard it was to work at his job. He was working in an environment that really suited his strengths and making crazy money.

He could have very well bought the business in a year or two and be set for life. Long story short, in our relationship all roads have led back to her. It has really bothered me to feel so set up and so sabotaged by my partner via his mother. She mocked my work and career to everyone in the family including him, she kept telling him I was using him for money and that I would begin an affair and every progress in my career became proof that I was unfaithful.

I finally decided to move on my own and get on with my plans on my own. He ended up moving with me. Her abuse towards him worsened, taking away control of investment accounts and properties that gave us both a sense of security. Long story short he’s going to therapy but rebuilding financially is rough.

He has habits like pathologically lying about stupid seemingly innocent things that cause major chaos.
Like telling me he’s paid the rent. I ask him if he’s sent a confirmation of the transfer and he says yes, next thing I know eviction is being served because he “didn’t know his transfer didn’t go through” and he lied about double checking. It’s repeated patterns like this that really make me fed up, I’m trying to support him but I’m traumatized too, I need support too, I am also scared and vulnerable and stressed. I keep steeling myself to make things work and create safety for us and I feel constantly sabotaged by him and how he’s managing his healing process. Sometimes I also feel like he uses his trauma as an enabler to be immature and irresponsible snd harm me without taking responsibility.

There are other things but I’m keeping it short not to overwhelm. Has anyone successfully healed from having a narc parent in this way? How much of this is his responsibility and how much of this is a result of his abuse? I keep trying to be patient but I’m being harmed by the endless unnecessary stressors he brings into my life and I’m feeling really really angry about it. It’s one thing that she’s abusive and has really harmed us both but the lying and the impulsivity and the behaviors that really harm me are infuriating me. We can’t afford any more sessions this month ao talking through things will really help.

Thank you in advance.

Hello everyone, I could really use some support.

My husbands mother is a raging abusive covert narcissist. My father was also a narcissist but he was more grandiose and I had never seen her subtype of narcissism before. First she befriended me, I saw her as a nervous insecure older woman nervous about aging and feeling very othered and me being pretty confident, having lost my mother whom I dearly loved I felt protective of her. I truly felt she was one of my best friends. I soon discovered that she had launched a smear campaign behind my back to my husband.

Many of the milestones that are important to a couple were secretly sabotaged by her— we made plans to move, to increase our income and purchase a home. He had a great career and made great money.

He began shifting his career to meet our higher goal and I got hard at work on my portion of our plan and then things just kind of fell apart and I couldn’t understand why. He kept saying that he was worried about our financial security, that he was working too many hours and suggesting delays in our plans. Next thing you know he quits his job, his plans stalled and we are in a horrible financial situation. I later discovered that his mother had been planting seeds about how hard it was to work at his job. He was working in an environment that really suited his strengths and making crazy money.

He could have very well bought the business in a year or two and be set for life. Long story short, in our relationship all roads have led back to her. It has really bothered me to feel so set up and so sabotaged by my partner via his mother. She mocked my work and career to everyone in the family including him, she kept telling him I was using him for money and that I would begin an affair and every progress in my career became proof that I was unfaithful.

I finally decided to move on my own and get on with my plans on my own. He ended up moving with me. Her abuse towards him worsened, taking away control of investment accounts and properties that gave us both a sense of security. Long story short he’s going to therapy but rebuilding financially is rough.

He has habits like pathologically lying about stupid seemingly innocent things that cause major chaos.
Like telling me he’s paid the rent. I ask him if he’s sent a confirmation of the transfer and he says yes, next thing I know eviction is being served because he “didn’t know his transfer didn’t go through” and he lied about double checking. It’s repeated patterns like this that really make me fed up, I’m trying to support him but I’m traumatized too, I need support too, I am also scared and vulnerable and stressed. I keep steeling myself to make things work and create safety for us and I feel constantly sabotaged by him and how he’s managing his healing process. Sometimes I also feel like he uses his trauma as an enabler to be immature and irresponsible snd harm me without taking responsibility.

There are other things but I’m keeping it short not to overwhelm. Has anyone successfully healed from having a narc parent in this way? How much of this is his responsibility and how much of this is a result of his abuse? I keep trying to be patient but I’m being harmed by the endless unnecessary stressors he brings into my life and I’m feeling really really angry about it. It’s one thing that she’s abusive and has really harmed us both but the lying and the impulsivity and the behaviors that really harm me are infuriating me. We can’t afford any more sessions this month ao talking through things will really help.

Thank you in advance.