How does chronic pain shape your sex life and the rest of your day?
I'm trying to find people who actually understand this, because nobody around me does — not friends, not doctors, not physios. I've been brushed off for years.
Quick context: my hips are the worst of it. Straddle positions cramp almost instantly. After missionary I have to bring my legs together so slowly it feels like something inside the joint is going to tear. Sex sets me off for a day or two, sometimes longer. The fatigue means I often can't even when I want to. I have a wonderful partner and I feel awful about it. I used to have a high drive and now I get anxiety before sex because I'm scared of the pain after. Stretching makes it worse. Every "just try this position" suggestion assumes a body that works differently than mine.
If any of this sounds like you, I'd really love to hear:
- What does a normal day look like pain-wise, and how does that shape what's even possible at night?
- What have you actually tried — positions, props, pillows, timing, meds, aftercare — and what was real help vs. what was a waste?
- What do you believe about your body and sex now that you didn't believe a few years ago?
- What does your partner do that genuinely helps, and what did you have to teach them?
- How long is your recovery — minutes, hours, days, a week?
- How do you handle the emotional side — the grief, the guilt, the fear before, the flare after?
- Has any professional ever actually helped, or did you figure it all out yourself?
Answer any or all. One sentence is fine. Be as graphic or messy as you want — that's the stuff I need. I'm tired of polished advice that doesn't fit real bodies.