In no world should I ever not be able to confirm my choice for a default burger just because I didn’t select whether or not I wanted bacon.
In no world should I ever not be able to confirm my SODA because I didn’t select whether or not I wanted passion fruit boba added (in soda???)
I’m officially old-head status
I feel like I’m on a bit of a bell curve/rollercoaster.
When I was much younger and was given a big responsibility, I was terrified. It was new to me. I had no idea how to execute or delegate or manage.
Once I gained a little experience and reputation, big responsibility was almost an immensely flattering compliment and I’d charge into it head-on; definitely sometimes being over-confident.
After years and years of that, I’m back to being terrified, just slightly less than when I was young. Things can go and have went wrong, even with the best intentions. People have expectations that I will not meet. Pitfalls lie around every corner.
That being said, I can still take on big responsibility, but there’s always this feel of dread, and it sabotages my demeanor. I feel like if I’m not dedicating 150% of my focus and energy towards it, and anything goes wrong, it’s on me and I fucked up. So I put my head down, basically turn into a miserable person, and treat the situation like life or death.
I look at my leadership sometimes and I admire how they handle “big responsibility”. Do they still feel fear? Do they think about the pitfalls and feel that dreaded feeling?
I know this post was vague; I’m hoping people can just relate to the feeling enough. If too vague, I’ll delete it.