r/Leadership

I'm 20 years old and I've been working at the same restaurant for about 3 years. I worked my way up and now I run the restaurant during my shifts. Overall, I think I do a good job with the operations side of things, but my biggest weakness is communication.

The owner recently told me that I come across as very blunt and sometimes even aggressive, especially during a rush. The thing is... I don't even realize I'm doing it. In my head I'm just trying to keep everyone moving and get food out quickly. Apparently my tone can make people want to do the opposite of what I'm asking, which isn't what I want.

Because I'm only 20, I already feel like I have to work harder to earn people's respect, especially from coworkers who are older than me. I don't want to be the "bossy young manager." I want people to respect me because I'm a good leader.

One thing my boss had me do was pick three leadership qualities to focus on.

I chose:
-Respect
-Communication
-Empathy

I'm also realizing I struggle with letting go of control. I like knowing what's going on and being involved in everything because I want the restaurant to run well. I know I need to trust my employees (and I 100% do, they’re amazing) and delegate instead of feeling like I have to be involved in every task. If I'm honest, it's hard not feeling needed sometimes, and I think that's something I need to work on as a leader.

For those of you who manage teams (especially in restaurants or other fast-paced jobs), what helped you improve your communication? Are there habits, phrases, or mental tricks you use to stay calm and respectful during a rush without losing efficiency?

I'd also love to hear if anyone else was naturally blunt and managed to change it. Since I don't notice it in the moment, I'm not really sure where to start.

Any advice is appreciated.

Whether it is a leadership book, a healthcare book, a business book, a biography, or even a self-help book, which book has had the most profound effect on the way you have become a leader or your leadership philosophy?

What did you learn from that book?

Would you recommend that book to others?

Do you know of any book that should be read by every healthcare leader?

Trying too hard. Many people think looking professional means acting overly formal, but confidence, respect, and clear communication usually make a much better impression. I'm curious if this has changed over the years. What do you think?

not naming vendorsust curious what caused the mismatch. was it bad onboarding, weak support, missing integrations, uncle. jar scope, or something the sales process didn’t reveal?

I’m a reasonably new leader (~ 1 year in post). I’m responsible for driving improvements in performance in a team of 12 which involves coaching cycles, running professional development, launching initiatives in line with company priorities and also all of the other additional admin that comes with being a leader.

At the same time, I still work a significant amount of hours in the same role as my team and because I am a leader I invest a lot of time into refining my practice and making sure I am doing an excellent job to set an example.

Trying to find the balance between these two things is really difficult. Around 3/4 of my working hours are accounted for so that I have to be working my ‘shop floor’ role during which I cannot get anything done as it requires 100% of my attention, and then the other 1/4 is my own time to direct which I can choose to spend either on my leadership responsibilities or on planning and organising my own workload (which is high because the role itself requires a significant amount of work).

I feel like I’m having to constantly decide between being an excellent leader or being an excellent employee which I don’t want to do - I want to be excellent at both because I don’t see how I can be a good leader if I’m not excelling in my own work. This means I’m working 12+ hour days on the regular and also often have to do work at weekends too.

Any tips from anyone else who works in a demanding, high workload field and had to strike a balance between managing that alongside being an effective leader? Is it just a given that you will be working an insane amount of hours in your early years as a leader?

those in senior leadership roles; thoughts on being the “go to person” for every situation at work because people know you know the answers to 99% of things & that you will assist them when they ask?.

flex? or ?

I am a newish supervisor to a team of five who, under previous leadership, had not been held accountable for anything in about ten years. I received multiple complaints recently about the communication skills (or lack thereof) of one of these direct reports. This individual has plans to retire in the next few years, has been a supervisor before, has a reputation for being difficult and stubborn, and has said to me straight up that they are challenging me on everything because "that's what you do when there is new leadership."

As a first time supervisor I went to my own leadership for advice on how to handle the situation, as I thought two formal complaints (coupled with my own similar negative experience and the negative experiences of others on the team related to her communication) should be formally addressed, but I did not think it would be appropriate to go straight to a verbal warning with HR. I wanted to give her an opportunity to turn things around without putting anything officially in her file.

We have the conversation, and she is immediately defensive, visibly angry, places blame elsewhere, but ultimately cools off enough to thank me for my honesty and says she will make a genuine effort to improve her communication. I send a followup email after the meeting to recap my recommendations and start the paper trail in case I need it, but hoping I don't.

She sends a slack message the next day asking if I always send recap emails (she knows I do not) to which I explain no, not always, but for this special discussion about a broader goal to improve communication, I felt it appropriate to recap with an email so we are both aware of the expectations moving forward and to ensure mutual understanding. She did not respond.

Remember how I said she has stated she is purposefully challenging me on everything? Well since this conversation things have gotten even worse. She is working late without prior approval (required in our company), being passive aggressive in our group chat, nitpicking everything I say publicly, not reading or responding to my slack messages for over 24 hours, intentionally not involving her team members in conversations they should be a part of, and at the end of the day, sends me an email *telling me* (not requesting approval) that she will be logging out early on Monday because she worked late today. Flexing hours is fine but again, with prior approval, and I didn't think it should need to be said that if you are on the late shift monday (last one there!) that you could login late that day, but not arbitrarily leave early!

I am struggling to maintain my cool and to not overreact to the childishness. She has decades on me and obviously knows exactly what she is doing, so I'm trying not to feed into it. But I also don't want to be a doormat. How do I decide what to correct her on vs what to let slide, knowing she is already feeling sensitive about the performance management conversation we already had? Ultimately she is an adult and should behave as such, and technically I could address every little thing she is doing that are in varying degrees of unprofessional or even insubordinate, but I also don't see myself as that person. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt and hope she cools off in time, but am I just being naive?

I would love to know how others have handled similar situations. We do highly specialized professional work, and we work remotely.

I'm a 16 year old boy (student) who's determined to build a successful future.

I'd love to hear from people who are 25+ about the biggest mistakes young people should avoid and the habits, skills, or decisions that should youths do to be better and for a bold future.

If you could go back and give your 16-year-old self advice, what would it be?

Drop your best insights, life lessons, and "elite knowledge" here

Hi all,

I’m an executive assistant to a senior director, let’s call him Abe. I often inform my boss of things going on I think he needs to know about. People at the company know this, and so I’m often a sounding board for gossip, rumors, and legitimate problems that need intervention. I provide advice about how to proceed, bringing it up to my boss myself if needed.

I’ve heard numerous complaints about a particular direct report of Abe, let’s call him Bob. Personal experience confirms Bob is brash, egotistical, and overly self confident. He’ll protect his image at all costs and makes decisions that have dubious payoff. I’ve heard from his direct reports that he’ll yell and berate people, especially women.

The problem is Bob and Abe are good personal friends. I’m nervous about bringing this up to Abe because I don’t think anything will change, Bob is protected- but I feel a sense of duty to do it, because Bobs direct reports feel scared to go over his head because of his friendship with Abe. Abe is not like Bob at all. Very approachable, open door, friendly.

Any advice?

The situation -

I was a well-liked and high-performing IC at a tech company and was being prepped for a leadership position. I faced unique challenges - was the youngest person on the team, had been there the least amount of time, and was the only woman.

We hired someone for me to lead. The only other person on the team with my specific role. Unfortunately she was a low performer (work not as advertised). I tried to train her, give her resources and guidelines, but being held accountable frustrated her and she took advantage of the he-said-she-said situation.

We ended up firing her but not without an HR investigation because my leadership didn’t initially believe me about her behavior. I ended up developing PTSD from it and quitting shortly after.

I am a hard worker, detail-oriented, and a people person. I also have teaching experience in higher education, which I loved.

I had high potential but I don’t think people-oriented leadership has any place in the dog-eat-dog tech world. Wondering where I fit.

hello,

been in my Director role for 4 months now, its been interesting to say the least…

hotel industry to be exact.

seeking advice,

i find myself doing majority of the tasks & when i am off work, operations does not run the same as to when i am at work..

i am going to start delegating tasks,

Anyone in the hotel industry?

what’s tasks do you delegate to your team?

A while ago, I thought being a good leader meant staying involved in everything. Every decision came to me, every problem landed on my desk, and I wanted to review everything before it moved forward.

It felt responsible... until things started slowing down because everyone was waiting on me.

The hardest lesson I've learned is that leadership isn't about being needed for everything. It's about building enough trust and clarity that things keep moving even when you're not involved.

Has anyone else had a moment where you realized you were accidentally holding the team back?

I'm interested to hear if/when you've noticed your leadership style wasn't working or was a detriment to those around you. I think it shows a lot of integrity and character when leaders are able to notice these things about themselves and correct their behavior, especially since they're not the ones who are usually in a position where they're forced to change. They're often in positions where others have to conform to them. What was the impact you saw?

This is more in the sense of a career type of leadership, though I suppose it doesn't necessarily have to be.

Has anyone experienced the guilt of outgrowing people? As I have grown as a leader, my standards changed, my vision is sharper, and the pace I'm willing to move increased. Some people who were once aligned with me (employees, partners, even friends) aren’t anymore. Not because they failed, but because the direction changed. It feels like this created a hard tension between loyalty and responsibility.

Do you hold on to the relationship because of history, or make the difficult call to move on because the organization demands it? I think this is one of the loneliest parts of leadership. Have you experienced it?

I’m a senior leader coaching a frontline supervisor who has struggled with communication, team engagement, and building trust with her staff. Several employees have expressed concerns about her communication style over the past year, and one employee recently left after alleging a toxic work environment due to this supervisor.

I’ve invested a significant amount of time coaching her. She consistently tells me she wants more trust, autonomy, and support. She claims she just has a difficult team but hers also has the highest turnover and no matter how many new employees she brings in, she claims none are a good fit.

The challenge is that my coaching doesn’t seem to be landing the way I intend.

For example, I recently asked her to create a department Teams chat to encourage transparency and collaboration across multiple workgroups. She initially resisted because she believed her staff wouldn’t use it, but they’ve actually been communicating well.

One employee recently posted a question about a workflow issue that could have affected patient care. The message wasn’t inflammatory or personal, it was simply asking whether follow-up had occurred on several patient cases. Instead of publicly acknowledging the concern, the supervisor handled it privately and later asked another employee to edit or remove her response in the chat. I was concerned that her asking employees to remove communication undermines the transparency and psychological safety we’re trying to build.

When I asked the supervisor to investigate what happened and to let me know (did the follow up on those patient cases occur or not), she initially refused, saying I didn’t need to be involved and that she would “own” it (despite this being a recurring problem causing patients to have to be rescheduled). I explained that ownership and keeping me informed are not mutually exclusive, but she became frustrated and ended the conversation abruptly.

This isn’t an isolated incident. A recurring pattern is that when I coach her, she seems to hear, “You don’t trust me,” even when my intent is to help her develop as a leader. She often becomes defensive, explains why her actions were reasonable, or interprets my involvement as taking ownership away from her.

I’m starting to wonder if we’re operating from fundamentally different definitions of leadership. I view autonomy as leading independently while keeping your manager appropriately informed and modeling transparency with your team. She seems to view autonomy as handling issues independently with minimal to no oversight.

I’m genuinely trying to help her succeed, not micromanage her. I’m reaching a point where I’m not seeing change despite months of coaching.

Have you coached someone who consistently interprets guidance as a lack of trust?
Is there a different approach I should be taking to help her grasp my intent?
At what point do you recognize that the issue is no longer a coaching problem but a performance or fit problem?

Leadership isn't only about making decisions. Often, it's the small everyday behaviors that shape how people see and trust a leader.

In your experience, what's one habit that earns respect without needing to be pointed out?

I have no idea what the likelihood of this being worth anything or not! Has anyone received company equity as part of their compensation package?

I work at a small-medium start up that is now in the scaling phase. Approx 300 employees, operating in 5 states. I am a Director of Ops. Healthcare consulting and risk stratification. Currently turning a profit, orig PE/JC. They provide a very unique business model and no one else is doing it this way (that I have been able to find.)

I was given what the annual report says should be around $445k but I understand it’s not guaranteed to be worth anything. Vest over 3 years.

Anyone been in a similar situation? Did the shares ever become worth something? How did that look for you and what went right/wrong?

EDIT: From the comments:
My company isn’t public, and is still in the hands of founding leadership (backed by PE/JV to the tune of $100m) I did not pay anything for these shares. When I was promoted into Director, I got awarded those shares as part of my compensation. I don’t have to pay anything for them, it’s not an option. I just have them so not paying taxes on them because no value yet. These shares are 66% time based vesting and vest 2x per year, to end in 3 years. The other 33% are performance based and vest on the same schedule.

However the business is doing very well. It’s a service that no one else really does and it works. I think there is a possibility to scale up big enough to sell.

I’m a new manager (2 years) reporting to an executive. My boss received feedback from a person I was on a call with where “I was too direct and not a team player”. Some of the questions I asked were: “what was the purpose of the meeting, why were we invited, and takeaways for my team.”

My boss has always thought highly of me and I don’t want to disappoint them. I would like to learn from this and be better. Just curious if anyone has any tips to be less blunt. Thank you in advance!

I have the knowledge and the presence I've been told, it's been made clear to me that I'm someone headed for senior leadership, but I feel some things are going to make it a little more difficult of a transition.

1. I need to learn to delegate better, as a career specialist, I know the work, I know what needs to be done, but I find it harder to be clear what I need from others so that I can lead while they deliver on the work. Sometimes my asks land awkwardly, I feel some guilt in a sense, maybe a lack of confidence that this should be something that lands with me and handing off that responsibility is somehow the wrong thing. If that makes sense. Not being able to delegate effectively I feel is tying me down to work that others should be doing, how can I get better at delegating? Freeing myself up to be at more strategic/leadership level?

2. I need to deliver my knowledge more effectively. I see many mistakes, misunderstandings and bad approaches to the work that need good feedback and coaching/guidance, which is what I'm expected to do, but I feel the more the time or detail I spend on it, it's not taken seriously, or it doesn't land. Maybe this is similar to point 1, but im feeling sometimes as if I'm giving feedback upwards but it should feel lateral.

It looks like I'll ultimately end up in senior leadership in the next 12-18mos, but to deliver the best I can I feel like I need to free myself up from the day to day workload and position myself at a higher, more strategic level, any tips for making this transition?

A few different times in my career, I've been encouraged to take on leadership roles. In every case, after the first few months of OOH SHINY, I find myself overwhelmed and wanting to refocus on the things I enjoy and am good at, rather than putting on an act for the good of the organization.

The first time it happened, the role had a natural term of 1 year and I just pushed through. The second time, my direct supervisor turned out to be a micromanager and a bully and I requested a transfer after seven months, which was back to an IC position I was very happy with. Now I'm at a different org, about one year into a C-suite role that looks amazing on paper and is exhausting in reality. There's nothing specific I can point to that's wrong, just a persistent sense that I am not in the right place, and I feel it in my body. When I took the role, I negotiated to maintain 1 day/week of IC-type work (in order to stay grounded in this very niche area) and the way I feel at the end of those days is such a stark contrast to the other days when I have to go lie down for several hours just to get up the energy to make dinner.

This feels like more than just the usual imposter syndrome. Are there personality types that just don't make good leaders? Are there ways to build up whatever skills I'm lacking? I have a few sessions coming up with an executive coach, which I think might help, and I want to make the best use of her time.