r/Leadership

Hi people, I need some tips on how to deal with a toxic team member.

He’s part of the reason why the old team lead left on his own terms, since she saw no moving forward with him. I am new team lead for now and had my first conflict with the guy. I’m working in the public sector so not really any power for the team lead to do any thing but deal with him.

He’s quite manipulative, tries to influence the opinion on others and tries to Rallye people against anything that he doesn’t find “right” in his view. Flips things in arguments and makes himself the victim, classic gaslighting etc. Any type of rules or deadlines he sees as controlling pressure, pulls the exhaustion card and turns old favors against you.

On paper he’s got no power, but he’s consciously toxic trying to divide, trying to manipulate people’s opinions and turn them against others.

Any tips on how to deal with people like that in the daily? My strategy for now is to give him as little ammunition as possible, to just interact professionally when it’s about work and to keep him busy with tasks.

Any tips or experience are helpful, in all sorts of directions!

Thanks

How do I get over the imposter syndrome over leading a team with people way older than me? Also, any tips for new leaders?

Hi, I work at a factory and am in charge of the maintenance department. I got promoted to a leadership position two months ago and my team is full of people atleast a decade older than me. That itself isn't a big deal except that ive worked with this team since I was 20, so they still remember me when I was practically a kid lol. Now, I'm having trouble training our less experienced members because theyre older than me and I dont want them to think im questioning their intelligence/ seem like a knowitall 20 something year old. I dont have any insecurity about my job because ive proven multiple times that im an experienced technician. It's the communication im having trouble with lol. Id really appreciate any tips or resources for a new leader. Thank you in advance

A lot of teams were told AI would remove repetitive work and give people more time back.

What I keep seeing instead is people doing the old work plus reviewing AI output, learning new tools, and being expected to move faster because AI exists.

For leaders who have rolled it out successfully, what work did you actually remove from people's plates instead of just adding AI on top?

He said that a leader who cannot be led may become a dictator, while a leader who cannot lead may become a follower without direction. So the point is; when you are in-between that is when you are truly a leader, or should a leader skew towards leading than being led?

Sometimes new hires don't realize this until way later why it actually was told to you.

I recently accepted my first Director-level role and will be starting in a couple of weeks.

I’m really excited about the opportunity, but I also want to be intentional about how I approach the transition. I’ve been in leadership positions before, but this feels like a significant step up in terms of responsibility and expectations.

For those of you who have moved into your first Director/Head-of role:

What do you wish you knew before you started?

What should I focus on during the first few months? What mistakes should I avoid? And what helped you make the transition from being a strong individual contributor/manager to actually thinking and operating like a senior leader?

I’d especially love to hear from people who remember what it was like to be in their first Director role.

What would you tell your past self before starting?

I coached basketball for years and now work with corporate teams. If I could teach leaders only one habit to build trust and collaboration, it would be sharing more specific thanks.

Here’s how I learned it. A player of mine came off the court after a strong stretch, and I gave him a quick “Good job.” He didn’t react at all. No nod, no eye contact, nothing. I remember being a little annoyed that he didn’t seem to appreciate the appreciation.

Later it hit me that the problem wasn’t him. My praise was so vague he had nothing to hold onto. “Good job” could have meant his defense, his hustle, or that I was just being polite. He had no idea what to repeat. 

Vague praise can only inspire vague effort.

So now as a workplace culture speaker, I share a simple recognition formula with leaders – and it is the cheapest way you can build morale and collaboration on your team:

1 What they did. “You stayed late Tuesday to walk Marcus through the new system.”

2 Who it helped. “He shipped his first project on his own the next day.”

3 What it says about them. “That’s the kind of teammate people want next to them.”

It takes less than 30 seconds... Action, Impact, Identity. 

It teaches the team what good looks like, and rewards behavior you want repeated. And team collaboration usually grows when people see that helping gets noticed, not because they were told to collaborate.

Try it this week with someone on your team - pick one person who does quiet quality work, and thank them using those three parts.

Think about your own experience... what’s the best piece of specific recognition you ever received, and how did it affect your performance afterward?

CS folks are burning out - it's come up here more than a couple times this past week, and I think it's bigger than the posts show (especially post COVID).

I've led CS at three early-stage startups and experienced it on every team: not enough time, budget, or people, unclear definition in scope of service, and a list of tasks / asks that only grew.

My first move each time was defining our scope of services, redefining customer tiers, and breaking down the bottlenecks in CS workflows and the customer journey. It helped, but it was triage, not a fix. I also did whatever it took as an advocate for the customer (which can be a lot of white glove in pre-product-market fit). The workload didn't shrink, we just got honest about what we were letting slide.

What I wished I had done more often was sit down with leadership and have a difficult conversation: we can't do all of this well, here is what we're going to deprioritize. I waited too long because I didn't want to look like we couldn't handle it.

So what's actually worked for anyone here? And if you've had that conversation with leadership, how did it go?

CS folks are burning out - it's come up here more than a couple times this past week, and I think it's bigger than the posts show (especially post COVID).

I've led CS at three early-stage startups and experienced it on every team: not enough time, budget, or people, unclear definition in scope of service, and a list of tasks / asks that only grew.

My first move each time was defining our scope of services, redefining customer tiers, and breaking down the bottlenecks in CS workflows and the customer journey. It helped, but it was triage, not a fix. I also did whatever it took as an advocate for the customer (which can be a lot of white glove in pre-product-market fit). The workload didn't shrink, we just got honest about what we were letting slide.

What I wished I had done more often was sit down with leadership and have a difficult conversation: we can't do all of this well, here is what we're going to deprioritize. I waited too long because I didn't want to look like we couldn't handle it.

So what's actually worked for anyone here? And if you've had that conversation with leadership, how did it go?

In a few weeks, I’ll reach my one-year mark as a first-time supervisor. I inherited a team of three long-tenured employees. Two have been in the department for 10+ years. The third has been with the company on/off for 20+ years (in our department for two).

Because our company policies change frequently, she and I share an office and spent much of this past year learning new processes together. Part of her role is managing the department inbox, handling policy questions and clarification requests. All the answers are accessible on our department page, and I’m always available if she truly needs guidance.

The issue is that she has developed a habit of asking me to review her drafted replies for anything beyond a basic FAQ. At least once a day, she reads a drafted email out loud to ask if it’s okay.

Her drafts are always solid, and I rarely have edits. Every time, I validate her work, point out what she did well, and remind her that she knows the material.

Despite this positive feedback, the habit continues.
It’s becoming mentally draining while I’m trying to focus on other high-priority problem-solving. I want to empower her to trust her judgment and gain peace of mind, but I’m not sure how to transition out of this review loop.

I’ve even suggested she run her responses through AI to get a better feel of anything else she could have included or clarified, but she refuses. No judgement, I respect the decision, but I can’t get her to move away from wanting my eyes on these emails.

Any advice on how to build her confidence and set gentle boundaries here?

I'm a new(2years on the Team-Newest among peers) Executive at a F500. My peer lost an employee to a competitor, and ended up needing a backfill. My boss recommended my direct report, a Manager to take that role, so I had to backfill.

Went through interviews and landed on 2 candidates, with a 3rd currently reporting to my boss on a x-functional project. The 3rd did poorly in interviews when I shared this, my boss still thought I should consider this guy.

Despite this I decided to go with my preferred candidate. Good thing HR partner was on panel and recommended going with panel Grading.

Now I'm concerned/worried I committed career limiting move.

How can I roll this into a show of Leadership and conviction versus not playing Team.

Has anyone ever used any of these executive job search services where you pay them $10,000 to $15,000 to find your next role?

If so, does anyone have a success story or a recommendation?

I'm a director about three months into a new job. Our business unit has lost revenue for four years. The company recently laid off several people and changed the sales commission structure. Leadership is also new: my VP and the head of the unit are both about five months in.

My analysis of my area found broken processes and inaccurate reporting after multiple reorgs, plus industry headwinds. I think it takes 6 to 12 months to rebuild the infrastructure before a real turnaround. Revenue is behind last year, and my function drives about 10% of it and we're also behind.

I raised this on a recent one-on-one call, including the areas I want to diagnose further and what we would do to improve it. My VP seemed anxious and could not even listen to the "what we would do" part. She moved quickly to a different goal that I'd understood to belong to another team and almost started pointing finger at me. This isn't the first time she's moved off a conversation about declining revenue. She also did have a habit of blaming the team even on staff that are much junior.

I'm worried that she wants good news only and not reality/challenges/areas we needed support. I believe the first 3 to 5 months are the right time to surface problems, since we're all new. If I only talk about activity, I'd still be accountable for revenue at year end.

Given this is the environment and leadership style I'm dealing with, I feel like they don't like "reality" or "bad news." so I'm going to change my approach to focus on "progress" only, but I'm worried when the year-end report comes out, I'd be questioned "why didn't you raise the issues earlier?" How do I balance this? What's your experience in handling an anxious upper management and business unit that's just not winning?

I'm a principal consultant with a background in data and analytics, CRM, strategy and operations. I built and led a team before before moving into a strategy role where I found myself running programmes, which is beyond my expected accountabilities. I'm about to move to a new company in a senior manager / engagement-lead role where I own the problem, the client relationship and a portfolio.

I've been the swiss army knife who gets handed any ambiguous brief, so I ended up leading and doing at the same time. In my experience those are two different altitudes and they don't work together. The work got done, but only because I carried it, which isn't a model that scales.

The feedback I keep getting from mentors and managers going into this new role is consistent: the thinking and communication are there, but the risk is that I don't yet act like a senior manager. I absorb ambiguity and gaps myself instead of escalating, re-staffing or re-scoping.

I also have less experience running several projects at once and owning margin and scope properly.

If you've made this jump:

• What behaviours separated the people who made it from the ones who stayed in the doing, and what did you stop doing early on?
• How did you learn when to step in and when to stay out?
• Beyond agreeing objectives with your manager, what did you align on in the first month that mattered most: with your team, other leads, finance, clients?

This is a really exciting opportunity, and I'm treating the nervousness as a sign of the growth to come. I'd like to go in as prepared I can to and make the best possible start.

I had two people leave after really bad feedback conversations. Both were remote, and both got labeled “too sensitive” afterward.

I listened back to the calls and, yeah, I could see why they went badly. One person got blindsided with serious performance concerns during a normal 1:1. The other got a bunch of criticism with almost no concrete examples.

Since then I’ve told my managers to give people a heads up when the conversation is going to be serious, bring actual examples, and tell them what needs to change. Nothing revolutionary, but the conversations got a lot less tense.

One thing that surprised me was how differently people react to the same delivery. We had a session where some of the team talked through their working styles, and I used the coached career test as part of that because I wanted managers to think more about how different people take in feedback. It helped make the point that “I said it clearly” doesn’t always mean the other person actually heard it the way you intended.

The biggest change was after the call. Managers now send a short recap of what was discussed and what happens next. No giant email, just enough that nobody has to sit there wondering what the hell that conversation actually meant.

Remote feedback can get weird because there’s no hallway conversation afterward. Someone can close their laptop after a rough call and sit with it for the rest of the day.

I wish I’d changed this stuff before those two people left.

I never really expected this, but becoming a manager changed me more outside of work than inside.

First, I became much more calm. When you manage a team, you can't react to everything immediately. If someone make a mistake, shouting or being stressed doesn't help anybody. So I learned to take a breath before I answer. Now I do the same at home, and it works really well.

I also learned to listen better. Before, I was often listening just to reply. Now I try to understand what the person really want to say, and the real problem behind it. My partner noticed the difference quickly.

Compromise was a big one too. In a team, not everybody can be happy with every decision, so you need to find something that works for most of the people. At home it's the same. I don't need to "win" every discussion anymore.

Another thing is pedagogy. Explaining things simply, with patience, without making the other person feel stupid. It's useful at work, but also with family and friends.

And finally time management. When you have a team, a lot of meetings and priorities, you can't procrastinate or you lose control very fast. So I got better at planning, deciding what is important, and just starting the task. I procrastinate much less now, even for boring stuff at home like paperwork or DIY.

Of course I'm not perfect and I still have bad days. But I really feel I'm a better partner today than before I was a manager.

Do you have the same experience ? Did the management skills help you outside of work too ?

I’m on the fence about starting my own leadership coaching/advisory company. I specialize in cyber risk & security. 30 yrs in industry, MS, and MLS in cybersecurity. My team (and marriage) were eliminated in July and I’ve been looking for work. It’s rough out there. My goal prior to the RIF was to train to be a coach & get ICF certification. I’m not sure if now is the time to make the jump.

Helpful comments only. Anything negative or judgmental will be ignored.