So I love yazoo vanilla milkshakes and I bought some the other day but they taste like damn baby milk powder not vanilla and it's really pissing me off.
They must have changed something but it doesn't say they have on the bottle.
The strawberry and banana taste the same as always but they aren't my fave ones.
Now, before you judge me… it wasn’t the SOUND that woke me up. I heard the bellowing, obviously, but that wasn’t the problem.
THE SMELL. 😭
I don’t know how long after the fart it took to reach me, but when it did, it was like someone had opened the gates of hell directly underneath my duvet.
I’m talking ROTTEN GARBAGE. POOP. SOMETHING HAD DIED.
I genuinely thought this man had shit the bed.
I was SO convinced he’d shit himself that I was lying there in absolute disbelief, thinking, surely not… surely this man has not just casually shat the bed and gone straight back to sleep. 😭
Meanwhile, I’m fighting for my life.
Nauseous. Horrified. Questioning every decision that had led me to this moment.
I even started trying to investigate the situation because I needed answers. Was there actually shit in the bed?! Had I just been silently gassed in my sleep?!
NO.
It was JUST A FART.
A FART.
But this wasn’t a normal fart. This was a biological incident. A Category 5 bottom emergency. ☣️💀
And the worst part?
This man was lying there completely oblivious, manhood in hand, SNORING like absolutely nothing was wrong.
SIR.
THERE HAS BEEN A CHEMICAL ATTACK.
WAKE UP. 😭😭😭
I genuinely considered hitting him with my pillow and telling him he was sleeping outside because I could NOT breathe in there.
And the smell just lingered.
It wasn’t even disappearing. It was hanging around the bedroom like a blanket of smoke.
I couldn’t get back to sleep for ages because every time I thought it had gone, I’d get another whiff and immediately remember that I was sharing a bed with the human equivalent of a blocked sewage pipe.
I have never been so personally offended by another person’s arsehole in my entire life. 😂💀