[File under "Dating Failure"]

I have been using the internet for so long to try to answer my questions about "Why am I the way that I am" and "What is wrong with me" and "How can I fix [insert personality problem here]" that I do not remember how I coped "pre google" (not capitalized because they are on my sht list for interfering with my phone {my life!} with a sneaky update which I was trapped into installing, that borked all my privacy settings and notification reminders and added a bunch I don't want, but I digress....)

I've gone down some rabbit holes, followed a few promising leads, realized that some pop psychology is dead wrong (and influencer contaminated) and occasionally leads to valuable insights. Found one the other day after it started to dawn on me that I don't have the heart and stomach for this 'dating thing'. Pretty sobering when you start looking at the amount of time you likely have left of your life and calculate it is not nearly long enough to tackle some problems.

So I found this article confirmed what I always suspected: that I am in no great danger of having a 'bad' death because I am childless by choice, cannot attract a mate and will likely die single, and (though not in the article) adults do not necessarily die from lack of love and touch, although infants can.

So here's the article:

Perspectives on dying single

Do you think the prospect of failing to 'couple up' and the struggle that seems to be occurring in this modern age of "apps" that "dangle 'relationship nirvana' in front of you" yet fail to produce, underpin your life struggles?

What do you think?

PS. Plug this into your search engine and see all the links that come up to very interesting articles [none of them vetted by OP]:

"being alone does not mean l'lI have a bad death"

Ever since I found and started participating in these dating subs that are specifically for older single adults who are looking for their 'someone', an idea has been in the back of my mind about why why can't I use my Reddit profile itself to find a mate? I have been looking into how profiles are set up, what features and settings are available and what others' profiles tell me about themselves. I learned early on that if I could not know something about the person behind the name then I did not want to talk to them. (In real life you have all sorts of cues to determine if there is a connection you both are wanting to explore, online all you have are images they and you convey in your words.)

I have permission from my first private contact from one of the dating subs to talk about it with the restriction that I not reveal the username (which I wouldn't do anyway, notwithstanding the rule that prohibits doxxing) and I will be very careful not to give any other specifics which may lead someone to discover who it was. For all I know there might not be a real person behind that avatar, but it takes a lot of energy to pull off a con, especially if you don't have the training and patience. I'll just assume the person was just like me, wanting to find connection to a human for what, I don't know, because it didn't get that far, maybe because I am years out of practice in the mating game. The connection did not get far off the ground before I found an awkward of way of forcing him to say "I've found someone else" because I was frustrated with how slowly things were proceeding. I wanted some physical contact in order to proceed: a picture, a video chat, a phone call at the very least but I (and I am assuming it was up to me) could not finesse that no matter how I tried.

To be continued, maybe.

I was in Wallyworld yesterday to look for an associate I had promised to make a pearl necklace for. I was wearing this t-shirt that is pretty tight, even though it's not flattering to my fat, it accentuates all the spots I hate. But I think I needn't have worried. I wear a t-shirt type bra, the cups are lightly padded and structured so no lines and seams and stuff shows, but likely makes the shirt even tighter. It was given to me by my last pet sitting client and stenciled across the front in prison-sign block lettering are the words "Likes dogs and maybe 3 people". I remember thinking how does she know me that well???

So I'm walking around and suddenly there's this little gnome of a gentleman, a bit shorter than me, bright blue eyes, sorta like Kris Kringle sans beard. He looks at me and coyly says: "Am I one of the three?" Not sure what exactly I shot back but it was said smilingly "No I don't think so but you are nice just the same" or some off the top stupid sht that often flies out of my mouth when caught off guard. I think he feigned disappointment or smth but he laughed.

So I continued walking the aisles and I saw him again and as I got near I whispered "But you're starting to grow on me" and he shot back "That's why I've been following you!" Gee, the old guy's got game! It did not occur to me until today as I was getting dressed today to go up to the store for grocs that I think he was flirting with me! My first flirt and it took me 24 hours to register it! It's been such a habit for 40 years now to ignore men and its easy because they don't normally talk to me. I can talk to them as long as I have a pertinent (not flirty ) comment to make, like "Great boots!"

So then I'm going to leave and I see I am about to walk past the Big Dog (store mgr) who I am trying to see if he is married. I'm sorta attracted but he has a big red flag flying: I think he is a churchy person and they give me a rash. As we passed I saw his eyes flit to my chest and quickly flick back, caught ya! I almost busted (ha!) out laughing right there. I usually try to avoid him so I can look at him unobserved I and never make eye contact. He is ten foot pole material, pretty sure he is married, and I am curious not interested.

This could get to be fun!

Any flirting tips you's like to pass along?

And you don't look a day over one hundred so you'll fit right in here! Come on in, we'll try hard to support you if you have any dating related problems, lots of advice given here by thoroughly vetted people ready to dish it out in spades. (/s)

The hood is quiet for the mo and I am kinda suspicious. Usually the fireworks are nearly constant by now after starting days ago, did I miss an order saying you'll be evicted it you set them off? (I remember one year the director actually issued one, he likes to swing the eviction stick A LOT. Two houses on just my small street are now empty). It will get noisier I am sure, I'll give it time then bail when it gets bad.

I am catching up on sleep and when my brain wakes up I will be inside tackling setting up the underpinnings of the sub when I don't really know sh!t from sparklers. (Do you care if I cuss now and then?) I let someone say fuck in a post the other day. I used to go to a bar in San Diego near the airport, the band had a song whose lyrics were "O shit I said fuck O fuck I said shit!" every chorus, they were hilarious. We'd go in there after square dancing, us girls in our flouncy petticoats and the boys in their cowboy hats. Occasionally they'd play a banjo/fiddle tune and we'd all go up to the front of the stage and clog dance to them playing "Rocky Top".

What are your plans for the biggo grand celebration today? Grillin', campin', dancin', throwin' horseshoes, fishin', sparklers? (You can tell I'm somewhere in the south!)

Please check in and let us know. (Double points if there's a date in there somewhere for us to critique!)

While we're waiting to see if anyone shows up to join the party, to ask questions, drop words of wisdom, or commiserate about the single life, I thought a theme along the lines of "Where am I now in this stage of life and where do I want to go next and can I figure out how to get there?" might be a good conversation starter.

It's been twice now in this last week that I've burst into tears over nothing at all and it happened again today. I don't really feel depressed but there's something going on and it came to me as I was driving out of town, with only a vague idea of where I wanted to go.

I am trying to fit myself into this tiny box of a town and it's not working. My toes are cramped and I've got that "why don't I just die and get this over with" song on repeat going on in my head. But that's not the answer, the answer is not anywhere near there. It's just not my time yet. I thought if I could couple up with someone, now THAT should do it, right?

But it takes two to make a couple and this town is not really the place for me to be looking for my "other half". It's pretty, green and peaceful but more enjoyable with someone to share it with. Otherwise, these just don't seem to be 'my people'.

I've tried chatting strangers up in these subs and in the "chat ones" and have met some very nice men who maybe want to be coupled up too but I think somehow we've 'broken them' and they are just burned out on trying anymore. I know for me, I want to be 'asked', just once is all it would take and that would get the ball rolling and we can hash the details out later. But no one asks. So maybe my guy is just not here. So where?

In the meantime, during today's drive with the tears unashamedly flowing, I got an idea. Seems like a dumb idea for a 76 year old single lady to contemplate doing, but the more I thought about it, the more it seemed like I ought to at least give it more space in my head than the whining "wah, I'm so lonely" thoughts. That Hunter Thompson quote belongs here, I'll look it up and add it later. Edit: found a bunch here:

https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/5237.Hunter_S_Thompson?page=2

take your pick. I was thinking about the one sliding into home all used up, however that goes. (Oh here it is:)

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, “Wow what a ride!"

What have you always wished you could do in your life but thought you couldn't? Mine involves travel....

Hey everyone! We're just getting started!

This is our new home for all things related to "Dating Over Seventy".

We're excited to have you join us and WE NEED YOUR HELP DECIDING WHAT WE WANT THIS COMMUNITY TO BE.

We think there is a difference between the the desires and concerns of the decades of the later years, the 60s and 70s (and beyond!) Each have unique challenges and we're here to help you talk about and surmount them and have a bit of fun doing it!

What to Post

Please post about what you would like to see in this community. We're in the development stage, and we want this to be a community that will benefit you and where you will feel at home.

Community Vibe🎉

Let's build a space where everyone feels comfortable sharing and connecting.

Thanks for being part of the relaunch of r/datingoverseventy. Together, let's make it stimulating and beneficial!

This is our new home for all things related to "Dating Over Seventy".

We're excited to have you join us and WE NEED YOUR HELP DECIDING WHAT WE WANT THIS COMMUNITY TO BE.

We think there is a natural dividing line between the desires and concerns of the 2 decades of the later years, the 60s and 70s. Both have unique challenges and we're here to help you talk about and surmount them and have a bit of fun doing it!

What to Post

Please post about what you would like to see in this community. We're in the development stage, and we want this to be a community that will benefit you and where you will feel at home.

Community Vibe Let's build a space where everyone feels comfortable sharing and connecting.

Thanks for being part of the very first wave. Together, let's make r/datingoverseventy stimulating and beneficial.

I know I sure do! I won't reveal what's on mine, except to say he should be open to the natural world in which we all live. My desires are sprinkled throughout my posts and an astute reader should know me well enough to get a first date (if he passes the distance check.) (*AND* if I were trying (cough) to get a date by meeting someone in this sub (cough).

So that leads into the issue of what's missing in modern day OLD, no friendly chatting about your interests (without the pressure to date) like what was mentioned in yesterday's post.

There *used* to be a business opportunity in there and several of us ex-POF forum members refer to it with nostalgia.

Modern day miscreants like to smear the walls with poo poo, for shock value I suppose. Costs money to moderate that away and Big Date is ever mindful of the bottom line.

I'll start: I'm interested in birds, bugs, flowers, hummies, trees, spiderwebs, spiders and snakes from a distance, you get the picture.

How about you?

Any takers? (Hat tip to the poster who saw it in a feed about "Goblintimacy".)

This is what I love about rain in my area: straight down, can leave windows (on the walls under eaves) and door open (have a porch), no 'sturm und drang' storms very often, like other places I have lived. The crazies with their booming stereos and loud mufflers don't often race around on days like this, so it's peaceful. But I crave sunshine!

Today is Book Club, I did not read the book (read it many years ago, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance") but I'm going to go and see what the others thought about it. Maybe get my steps in at Walmart later. No real worries today. Or any day actually, unless I want to scare myself thinking about stuff that hasn't happened yet....

Itching to go back to the Greenway and the Mexican restaurant that makes a great taco salad, better than the ones I used to get at T*co B*ll. I mentioned to the server (after I complimented her on the taco shell bowl), that the B*ll, which I first went to down the road, stunk. Apparently the young kids they get to work there can't be bothered doing a good job cleaning.

The longer you live the more things change. And it has stopped raining already!

What are you reading (or not!) and dining out on lately?

(Oh noes! My rain clip did not upload!)

I think cold weather is officially done here in TN and I am sifting through activity ideas that aren't too pricey now that I'm not huddled up inside trying to stay warm. (My body thermostat still has not adjusted after 30 yrs. in FL.) The local bowlerama cheep $ day is Thursdays so I put a note in my calendar to check it out. The place is a bit long in the tooth (like me!) but at least this small (52K pop) city has one.

Found a ball to fit my small hand and gave it a shot. Bowled 250 for 2 games and no gutterballs except when trying to convert a 7/10 split. Got a *lot* of splits because ball was a pound too heavy and my wrist couldn't deliver any english. No matter where I stand I always roll into the center. But I was pleased at my first games since 1994. I think I'll try for every week and check out the senior league. Barring league bowling, it's a solo activity and not much chance of meeting nice gentlemen unless I ask the lanes owner to set me up.....

Surprised at the lack of aches today, I must be fitter than I think!