u/Lazuli_Moonlight

I hate that I have to get a job because I'm socially anxious can't even reply to my younger sister cuz too anxious and on top of that I "look like a pedophile" doesn't help I' a tall brown trans woman

I can't from night and day learn to take care of myself even if I am trying and tbh it all feels so lonely and it's like I'm doing efforts to transitiom so my life can get worse and even worse as time goes on and world keeps hating trans people and brown people more

Doesn't help I'm one of those losers who dropped out of uni so I'm a failure I have no skills I literally just wasted years being depressed and repressing being trans and staring at videogame icons and never playing anything and just rotting away I can't even say Ik how to live anymore

Ik I sound like I'm making excuses and it's not like I don't want to get better and am not already at my own pace making steps but it feels so little too late and it does feel lonely and tiring and so on

I don't have a job, failed my studies and so on but at least managed to somehow get some appointments on my own to see a doctor but also I still don't know how to pass don't have the courage to talk about anything trans to my sister even if I already came out and have social anxiety
In a way kind of had to force myself to start trying to get E so at least I'm doing something rather than wasting time because I know it won't change anything overnight and I already wasted too much time. I just still feel scared because being trans in itself is scary especially when you start being visible.
I can't even shower or shave regularly I'm way too malebrained