u/Legal-Biscotti-5253

I was just thinking about all of this and it got me sad and emotional. Please don’t make fun of me or pick on me I really need help and I’m saying all of this confidentially, what I was just thinking about it and I have ruined so many friendships and lost so many people and friends and I’m really sad now that I think about it, In my elementary years I could have had so many friends and had a good childhood with friends and I could have always went out with friends but I ruined it all by either disagreements, tiny arguments, etc. but I would also like laugh or make jokes at things that may have offended them and I feel like such a fake person and such a failure and that is who I am not and that is who I do not want to be. Then in my middle school years I could have had a good amount of friends but I also messed it all up with most of my friends and then this rumor was spread by these girls saying I touched girls inappropriately when I never did that and would never ever do that and I feel like that also ruined my chances to make some new friends because most people believed it and then I’m about to go to 9th grade but I could have had so many friends and I could have been socializing a lot and having good times and making good memories and now I’m just sitting at home all the time with hardly any friends to talk to and I hardly ever get any messages ever and the few friends I have don’t text me and I feel like an absolute failure and like I ruined my younger life and I’m just such a stupid failure, and if i did keep all those friends i could have socialized more and hung out more and that could of made my social anxiety and depression not as bad as it is now. I’m scared to socialize with people I’m scared to be in public and feel like i don’t belong in public and I’m too shy to be in public and too shy and anxious to eat in public (I suffer from deipnophobia very very sadly) and too shy to talk to other people i don’t know or hardly know. I wish none of this ever happened the way it did and i wish i could have enjoyed my younger years with friends and i ruined it all. Now I’m just stuck sitting at home all day with hardly no friends and the very few ones I do have never text never call me and I’m so tired of it and I’m soo tired of living this way and I want to change it. I’m so tired of being sad and depressed and lonely and I ruined everything and I’m sorry

I was just thinking about all of this and it got me sad and emotional. Please don’t make fun of me or pick on me I really need help and I’m saying all of this confidentially, what I was just thinking about it and I have ruined so many friendships and lost so many people and friends and I’m really sad now that I think about it, In my elementary years I could have had so many friends and had a good childhood with friends and I could have always went out with friends but I ruined it all by either disagreements, tiny arguments, etc. but I would also like laugh or make jokes at things that may have offended them and I feel like such a fake person and such a failure and that is who I am not and that is who I do not want to be. Then in my middle school years I could have had a good amount of friends but I also messed it all up with most of my friends and then this rumor was spread by these girls saying I touched girls inappropriately when I never did that and would never ever do that and I feel like that also ruined my chances to make some new friends because most people believed it and then I’m about to go to 9th grade but I could have had so many friends and I could have been socializing a lot and having good times and making good memories and now I’m just sitting at home all the time with hardly any friends to talk to and I hardly ever get any messages ever and the few friends I have don’t text me and I feel like an absolute failure and like I ruined my younger life and I’m just such a stupid failure, and if i did keep all those friends i could have socialized more and hung out more and that could of made my social anxiety and depression not as bad as it is now. I’m scared to socialize with people I’m scared to be in public and feel like i don’t belong in public and I’m too shy to be in public and too shy and anxious to eat in public (I suffer from deipnophobia very very sadly) and too shy to talk to other people i don’t know or hardly know. I wish none of this ever happened the way it did and i wish i could have enjoyed my younger years with friends and i ruined it all. Now I’m just stuck sitting at home all day with hardly no friends and the very few ones I do have never text never call me and I’m so tired of it and I’m soo tired of living this way and I want to change it. I’m so tired of being sad and depressed and lonely and I ruined everything and I’m sorry

I been struggling with Deipnophobia since I was in 4th grade and I’m about to be in 9th and I really hate it but I do not know how to work on it or get rid of this social anxiety and am I the only one who struggles with this type of social anxiety and am I alone with this fear or is there other people who struggle with this social anxiety? And how can I work on it? and my friends are like why don’t you ever eat anything and I just lie and say something like I don’t know or I’m not hungry or just change the subject and they offer me food but I always deny it and even though I eat like everyone else I just can’t seem to get my mind to understand it is okay to eat in public or at school and I just fear people will judge me or say something mean and I always picture the worst case scenario like for example (eww why do you eat like that) or (no wonder why he never eats cuz he eats so ugly). and i also fear making like chewing noises when chewing in public and even though I eat normally I beat myself up and I always refuse to eat because of this anxiety and it keeps me from going to friends houses because I’m scared what if I have to eat something over there or you know, but I really want to get past this anxiety and just be able to eat in public and with friends like a normal human being should be able to. Am I alone with this anxiety and do other people have to go through this? Also (Deipnophobia is the fear of eating food with other people, especially the fear of eating in public or being judged while eating.)