First sex at 30… and it felt meaningless
A few months ago, I made this post: reddit.com/r/Adulting/comments/1q7n9kg/tomorrow_is_my_30th_birthday_and_im_a_virgin_man/
Around 3 months ago, I finally had sex with the person I referred to there as my ex-girlfriend. But honestly, the whole experience felt extremely underwhelming and meaningless.
During our first 2-3 attempts, we couldn’t even really have proper sex. I couldn’t stay hard, I lost focus, got anxious, and since she wasn’t experienced either, we just failed awkwardly every time.
Eventually, sometime around late March, we finally managed to have penetrative sex. But it still felt exactly the same: cold, empty, awkward, and completely unsatisfying. I barely felt anything emotionally or physically. Most of the time I finished too quickly before I even understood what was happening. In the cases where I didn’t finish early, I just lost interest midway, pulled away, and lost my erection.
To be completely honest, I don’t even find my ex physically attractive.
What almost everyone else experiences naturally in their teens or early 20s and associates with pleasure somehow became, for me, a source of anxiety, comparison, and feeling inferior to other people.
At this point, my conclusion is that some things really do have a right timing in life. A lot of scientific papers about late sexual debut in men also suggest long-term negative effects on sexual confidence and sexual satisfaction, and honestly I relate to that a lot.