He Said His Wife Was Asexual… and I Believed Him
I’m 22, and I met this guy almost two years ago on a dating app. At first, I wasn’t really attracted to him romantically, but talking to him felt easy and comforting. He was incredibly kind, attentive, and genuine in a way that stood out to me. I could always see the effort he put in, and I appreciated it even though I wasn’t emotionally invested at the time. We met a few times, made out once, and then gradually drifted apart. Around that period, I was dealing with my grandfather’s death and emotionally shut down from almost everyone in my life. He assumed I had ghosted him, and while I felt a little guilty,
I wasn’t deeply affected because I didn’t have strong feelings for him then. A few days later, he texted me saying he really liked me and wanted to support me however he could. But he also said he couldn’t do a long-term relationship for “many reasons,” and then revealed that he had lied about his age. I ignored the message because it already felt strange to me. Then, after a few more days, he confessed that he was actually married. He told me his wife was asexual and that they didn’t have a physical relationship. At that point, I genuinely thought he was just another creep trying to manipulate me, so I ignored him again.
Eventually, though, he told me he didn’t expect anything from me except my presence and friendship. Since he wasn’t pressuring me, I agreed to stay friends. Somewhere along the way, I started developing feelings for him. I truly felt loved by him in a way I never had before. He cared for me deeply, made me feel special, and emotionally safe. It honestly felt like a dream at times. But I also knew I was crossing my own moral boundaries. Despite that, we eventually got into a casual relationship and became physically intimate multiple times. Since I knew I’d probably get married in the next few years anyway, I tried convincing myself not to think too much about the future. In the beginning, he was always available constant texts, video calls, emotional support, attention. But over time, that changed.
Now he seems distant, avoids conversations, and ignores me more often. And because of that distance, I’ve started questioning everything he told me. Was he lying about his wife being asexual? Was he lying about other parts of his identity too? Did he really love me, or was I just emotionally convenient for him? I know he has done things for me that no other guy ever has, which is why this is so hard for me to process. I also know expecting a married man to fully be with me is unfair and morally complicated.
But emotionally, I’m already deeply attached, and I don’t know how to get out of this situation anymore. Should I stay and accept things as they are? Or is this relationship damaging me more than I want to admit?