u/Legitimate-Idea-2290

Generally, how many scouts do you guys produce at the beginning of the game. Usually I do two or three, but what is the most effective amount? I should note that I play on Quick game speed.

Edit: Thank you guys for your suggestions. I'm going to experiment and try some of the suggestions you provided. 🙏

I had left this place a while ago. I wanted to explore removing every bit of the reminders of what I had gone through; and for the most part, it worked.

The feelings of anger, sorrow, guilt, abandonment, they've for the most part faded into the back. I can finally breathe fresh air and not feel this burden on my shoulders. Going back and forth in my head blaming this and that.

I suppose looking at her socials, bringing up past memories, it had all tethered me in that space. Alone.

Last night, I had a shaking dream, one I wasn't expecting at all. If I'm being candid, it was bittersweet, but I think it was necessary.

In the dream, I saw the girl who was affected from this. My ex's daughter who had bonded with me for nearly three years.

We got to catch up, and my ex was there, but I didn't even look at her. I got to the girl's level and I hugged her and said I had to finally go. It wasn't dramatic.

It wasn't climactic. It was a goodbye. And she waved at me and I was finally able to go somewhere else in my dream. I never looked back at my ex.

I think that dream meant something deep in my subconscious. I was finally able to let go of the guilt, of the distress that losing that connection was causing me. In a sense, I made peace with it in the dream.

This morning I was shaken by it. I scratched my head and tried to make sense of that dream, until I finally got it. I think, I'd gotten it all along, but part of me was stubbornly holding on, that last bit of the trauma.

Here's the finality of it.

It wasn't my fault that we couldn't be a family. I did my best. We were just both affected by a greater thing. A disorder.

I used to see my ex as some evil and cruel woman, and mind you, her actions were... They were bad.

But, this space has put me somewhere better.

After all, those who suffer from BPD do just that, huh? They suffer. And there's not much we can really do except cross our fingers and hope they are strong enough to overcome their spirals, or their thoughts.

Of course, I wouldn't justify their cruelty, but I recognize what made them that way and well, I feel for them. I feel for her.

I'm finally smiling, and enjoying the peaceful life I'm rebuilding.

Well, anyway, that's all I've got to say. Thank you for listening to my silly expression.