u/Legitimate-Oven4611

I recently found out that my partner, whom I’ve been with for almost 6 years, is actually 5 years older than me. I always believed he was only 1 year older because that’s what he told me when we first met in college. He'll turn 29 and i am 24

I found out accidentally through his family recently during his sister’s wedding. Apparently, some of his close friends and family obviously knew his real age, but I was unaware the entire time. I did ask a few times throughout the relationship but was never given a direct answer

For context:

• We started talking when I was around 17 and he was around 22 (but said he was a year older).
• He joined college late due to reasons I haven't asked, i am not ready to talk yet.
• Other than this issue, he has been a loving, supportive, emotionally available partner.

What’s bothering me is:

1. The fact that it continued for almost 6 years.
2. That there were many emotionally vulnerable moments where he could have but still didn’t tell me.
3. The way this has affected my sense of equality in the relationship. Since finding out the real age gap, I sometimes worry that I’ll start holding back my own opinions or automatically seeing him as “knowing better,” which wasn’t how I viewed our relationship before.

Now I feel more conscious of differences in maturity, lifestyle preferences, timelines for marriage, etc.

Part of me feels like:

• maybe this was fear/insecurity on his part,
• maybe people sometimes avoid difficult truths too long,
• and maybe this can still be worked through.

Another part of me feels:

• trust has shifted permanently,
• I may never see the relationship the same way,
• and I’m unsure whether I’m genuinely comfortable with the age gap itself.

I’m not looking for “leave him immediately” or “forgive him immediately” type answers. I have no idea what to do.

I recently found out that my partner, whom I’ve been with for almost 6 years, is actually 5 years older than me. I always believed he was only 1 year older because that’s what he told me when we first met in college. He'll turn 29 and i am 24

I found out accidentally through his family recently during his sister’s wedding. Apparently, some of his close friends and family obviously knew his real age, but I was unaware the entire time. I did ask a few times throughout the relationship but was never given a direct answer.
(and yes i did not check id's because for me a relationship is based on trust and no he never corrected me on birthdays or anything, any questions regd. age were avoided or directed elsewhere)

For context:

• We started talking when I was around 17 and he was around 22 (but said he was a year older).
• He joined college late due to reasons I haven't asked, i am not ready to talk yet.
• Other than this issue, he has been a loving, supportive, emotionally available partner.

What’s bothering me is:

1. The fact that it continued for almost 6 years.
2. That there were many emotionally vulnerable moments where he could have but still didn’t tell me.
3. The way this has affected my sense of equality in the relationship. Since finding out the real age gap, I sometimes worry that I’ll start holding back my own opinions or automatically seeing him as “knowing better,” which wasn’t how I viewed our relationship before.

Now I feel more conscious of differences in maturity, lifestyle preferences, timelines for marriage, etc.

I have a really imp exam coming up at the end of the month and have been avoiding any talk.

When i found out i asked why he lied and he said as he joined college late he wanted to fit in and not be an outlier. I haven't yet asked the entire background of that but even so he could have told me then. In the end as i was in no mood to talk, he just said to forgive him if it was possible.

I will have a talk with him but only after my exam but till then i have no idea how to process this.

Part of me feels like maybe this can still be worked through. He is and also has the most amazing family (that's really imp for me) and tbh he really helped me avoid situations (the decisions which you immaturely make when you're young) that would have put me in a really bad position and all.
But despite all that hiding his age has me questioning everything.

Another part of me feels:

• trust has shifted permanently,
• I may never see the relationship the same way,
• and I’m unsure whether I’m genuinely comfortable with the age gap itself.

I’m not looking for “leave him immediately” or “forgive him immediately” type answers. I have no idea what to do.