u/Legitimate_Ad1110

Alright.. so. My boyfriend and I were on and off for a year and a half before we made an official split for 7 months. Before we split, he introduced me to his close homegirl. We went to the same highschool so I was already familiar with her and we got along pretty well, and this was during the time when our relationship was kind of rocky.

Long story short, me and the girl became acquainted, and we had hung out about two times. Around the time of the breakup, me and his homegirl went to my friends house together, where we all talked about guys and stuff. I did bring up some guys, none of whom I'd had sex with, but I remember that she was encouraging me to fuck someone else and get some "new dck".

I had also heard some things from my bf (and her) that made me wary of her. Like for example, my bf told me that one day when she had came over, she was laying in his bed and trying to make advancements towards him. Only to later find out (this year) that she shared that moment with her groupchat and all her friends wanted her to fuck my man!! And she also called my ex a "pretty boy" right in front of my face. She's also pretty male centered and talks about guys a lot. So, with all that said, we didn't associate with eachother for long. Especially after the breakup.

7 months later, me and my bf find our way back to eachother. This time with a new foundation. He then tells me something that was weighing on his mind the whole time we were apart;

She told him that I had sex with someone else during one of our on/off periods, and then went back to him.

and who she heard it from?

me.

Like what the fuck? I never said that! Ever! She even gave him a name, a date as to when I told her, specific, believable details. He didn't believe her though because she's so male centered.. but I'm furious.

I want to call her and tell her that I heard through the grapevine that she said I had sex with someone else while I was with my boyfriend.. I want to ask her where she heard it from. I have people who KNOW that I didn't touch anyone within a few months of our breakup, even the friend that we were with would hop on a phone call and tell her real quick that it never happened. I have no idea where she drew that conclusion. I want to make her feel stupid, embarass her, make her feel like a liar. Not just for lying on my name, but for placing a huge obstacle on our already strained relationship. I don't really care how big I have to blow up the situation.

I don't care how much that bitch swears up and down she heard something from me, plus I would never tell her anything. But the shit is driving me crazy even though my BF doesn't believe it.

When my boyfriend and I first got together, we were each others second body. Our first being our first relationships. We were together for a few months, on and off, because I always found myself uncertain. Something wasn’t really working, and I was tired of pulling him back and forth, hurting him, because he truly is the most amazing boy. We just didn’t see eye to eye on what a relationship was supposed to look like. I broke up with him, and he really didn’t want me to leave, but I insisted. I didn’t even trust myself with his heart anymore as I had already felt like I was dragging out the relationship since I was in a dilemma. I loved him with all my heart, but I also knew that I wasn’t fully happy.

Before we broke up, we did discuss the possibility of getting back together, but not guaranteed. I definitely did state that we would have to grow. Once we broke up I left him alone completely, it hurt, but I wanted to respect him healing. Honestly I did not think we’d ever get back together, I thought he’d move on.

I’d never really explored with sexual partners before since I spent all my time dating being in completely monogamous relationships. I’m 18, I was curious, but not desperate. Around the 4th or 5th month of us breaking up, I met a guy. He took me on dates, had charisma, and overall was pretty charming. We had sex, it was terrible. Terrible. Terrible. And then on top of that we ended up not working out.

A few months after that, my ex text me again. Long story short we ended up hanging out more and I fell in love with him all over again. But this time he really has changed a lot. He told me he did a lot of reflecting about things that used to frustrate me when we were together, and how he’s grown overall. He’s still his goofy self, the one that I love, but I can tell he’s much more aware of how he behaves, how he can come off as insensitive, etc etc. I had frustrations in the past, but I never stopped loving him, and I felt in my heart that instead of trying to heal him from hurting him before, we rebuild a new and better relationship. I’m thinking this time, I’m gonna be more patient, more understanding, more willing to communicate. I genuinely fell harder the second time around than the first, I felt so much more certainty.

On the third day of us talking again, he told me a rumor that his friend told him while we were broken up, and it was that I had sex with someone right after one of our breakups, and then went back to him. It wasn’t true, but hearing him express his hurt when he heard it genuinely broke my heart. He said, “I’m happy it’s not true, but when I first heard it I was crushed. I was thinking I put in so much effort just for you to drop it off to some guy you don’t even know like that.”

I’m not sure if he believes that or not, but he for sure knows I had sex with someone else because I made a tiktok about terrible sex with someone. It sounds insensitive but I didn’t think we’d get back together. Now that I’m around him, he’s still affectionate, we still joke and laugh, we still have sex, but I know quietly he wants to ask me what I did while we broke up. But I also think he doesn’t want to know. I keep telling myself “maybe he’ll forget about it because he doesn’t know for sure.” but.. he knows. He’s never said anything to me about it, but he knows.

On tiktok, lastnight he reposted a Fortnite reference video with the caption “Opened chests don’t glow”.. and it made me feel like shit. I feel like no matter what I do I always end up hurting him, even if I’m just doing me. I’ve read Reddit posts of men saying they never look at the woman the same, or that the pain never goes away.

I feel stupid for seeing him so clearly after I had talked to other people and even slept with someone, but it wasn’t because of that. It was because he genuinely changed. The internet is really harsh! I see a lot of people saying that women in that predicament had to fuck other people to see his worth and it’s just not true. But the fact that all I’ve done is hurt him, and he’s been so loving hurts.

I would treat him so right going forward. I feel like the break developed our characters on both sides, and we’re growing into eachother. I wanted to have a conversation with him about how we can make our relationship stronger and not fall the way it did before, but first I feel like I need to have a convo with him about the person that I had sex with. I don’t want him sitting in uncertainty. I’ll tell him honestly, and let him make the decision as to whether or not he wants to stay with me in front of my face. But even if he decides to stay, will he ever even love me the same? And will I ever feel like i’m not being scrutinized? How do I even heal?

TLDR: I broke up with my ex for 7 months because he wasn’t really showing up as the man I needed. I told him we probably need different people. (Which broke his heart, bad.) I didn’t think we’d get back together, so I lived my life as normal and had sex with one other person. Me and my ex ended up talking again, and he knows for sure that I had sex with at least one other person. I’m sure our relationship would thrive this time, I have so much that I want to do differently, but I think that he sees me through a different lens now. It sucks because I feel like everything I do hurts him no matter what or when.