u/Legitimate_Award5580

i only thank you bc it all turned out ok. we all did our best and that’s what matters. well, atleast i did. can’t speak for anyone else at all. all of the games lying and manipulation were hilarious. especially because you all thought it was foreign to me. gimme a break. nobody clearly paid any attention at all ^which is what made it soooo hard to not do it

but if it didn’t end up ok i wouldn’t have said thank you.

and u would never see these. so ill be honest, i wouldn’t expect to hear from me anytime soon tbh

sooo…

don’t think about it too much. really. just know im glad i atleast felt like i had a friend in you when all of it was going on. that’s why i went and did it for you, instead of letting her. and gave you the receipt.

bc the truth is… she was boppin the whole time & no one noticed but me ahhhh :p but thts what all of you get for being so naive lmfao

peace out looozersss

(^not to my person. )

alright i’m finally done for today. now I can finally breathe. how was your day?

i hope it was great.

i thought about you alll day

allllll day.

and now i’m ready to open up.

so let’s give it a gaurer

but the place is mess .

I remember when I layed on your chest I thought wow, that’s a really fast heartbeat. I listened to it carefully. In our silence. In the uncertainty of the fleeting moment.

I let it sing to me. I took it in. Because I knew it was something that I might only get to hear once.

I thought to myself, well of course this persons heart is working over time. Because of how you carried yourself. The way you spoke to me. The way you looked at me. It just had so much life.

So much energy, so much depth. You cradled me and saw me for who I am. At my most vulnerable.

But with you it wasn’t a routine. A ritual. It wasn’t an obligation. With you I felt protected, I felt cared for. With you,

it gave me life.

And i want u to know that it’s no big deal really. I mean you helped me atleast get to this point. Where ive realized my worth a bit more and am practicing only keeping people in my life who can give me what i deserve. as the bare minimum atleast.

So that’s not something i take lightly tbh. And i really do appreciate you helping me realize that.

But u must understand that our paths crossing was just a stepping stone.

I promise i’ll do better for myself. And I really do think that I found someone. I mean he’s not perfect but trust me he’s better than anyone, anything, anybody i’ve ever had.

And that’s a win for me.

And i promise i won’t let him trap me. I won’t let him sweet talk me into living a life that i know that i don’t want. But I still know that to a certain degree I do want to submit to him, I want him to take control, the wheel…

He’s the captain now.

The pilot.

he’s the one. and i’m not gonna apologize about it because he deserves to be loved out loud, just as i want to be.

so don’t try and come back now bc the door is closed and i really do mean that in the nicest way :(

• fawnie

hey

so i’ve just been stewing for the last couple of days since the day that u can say i broke my silence.

there is a lot that holds me back from opening up. and i want you to know it’s not your fault or anything it’s just because of some things ive been through.

i want to embrace every single part of you. i mean i already do and even then in a way i keep you to myself because you’re that special to me. so i don’t want people to know too much so they can’t ruin it.

i’m sensitive. and it’s not a weakness it’s just a trait. i feel deeply, i am strong but i am also fragile at the same time.

and tbh i just don’t think your family (perhaps even your friends idk?) would be too fond of me, it’s an unfortunate truth that i do understand. truly. i understand the complexity and depth of these situations because it’s the path that i’ve been walking on eggshells on for my entire life.

and so, i just want to put that out there that’s why i can feel so distant. while still being there. and i hate that about myself truly. i’ve been trying to enjoy life more without worrying abt things i can’t control but i too feel like i deserve to have a sense of pride for my accomplishments, my life, and the people i choose to surround myself with. and i can only hope they’d feel the same about me.

so yeah. i’m sorry if u took that behavior some other way. because it just simply wasn’t communicated. i knew or atleast thought that this (which i am still thinking about what i want it to be?) would be fleeting so i didn’t feel the need to over explain myself. didn’t want to push you away.

more of a rant than a letter but i still just need to get it out.

i hate how much i ignored what i always knew was true. because honestly i always listened to you, valued your insight, and tbh u were someone i almost thought i could confide in but you know we couldn’t cross the line.

ngl im kinda upset with how things ended especially with what i discovered abt you around halloween -_- yea that rlly pmo

and pushed me away.

but its all good. i hope she just knows how lucky she is to have someone like you and i hope that she sees what i see in you. or saw in you. idk. but yea i wont deny ive been feeling like i could use your help alot more lately but, again.

you know how it is.

eyeroll

-me

this isn’t a goodbye, it’s a see you later.

just to think about all of this. and maybe i’ll reach out.

because i care. and because i love you and ikyk that.

if you can; don’t go out of your way but if you honestly and truly can just give me some space, let me figure some things out and then maybe your knock would receive an answer.

so just wait please and don’t make me go crazy. seriously.