u/Legitimate_Bed_3137

Hi all, I met my ex recently. We have been broken up for 3 months, and he told me that he went on a date with someone else a week before we met, though, he decided not to continue with her due to incompatibilities. It was a casual date/dinner between them. For us, we did not meet to reconcile (we both agreed to not have expectations to but I think we still do, a little), just a meal between two persons who used to know and care for one another, though, I did feel that we still had unresolved sparks and love for each other.

I know he has every right to meet someone else, but part of me still feels deeply hurt by it. My thoughts are all over the place. What do you think - should we have any chance for another go, how can I forgive and forget this?

So it’s been 4 months since we broke up. I’m the dumper, but it was more of a mutual break up.

This isn’t the main theme for the post but for context, we were together for 2 years. The reason why I decided to let go of the relationship was that I often felt alone and very much secondary in my ex’s life. I was feeling like I’m constantly walking on eggshells, being unable to speak about how I feel in fears of jeopardizing the relationship. I was also going through some external stuff in my life and I was just very exhausted. I’ll leave out the rest of the details unless it’s needed for the below.

After we broke up, I texted them frequently for about a month before we completely went on NC for 2 months. They have never reached out before, but replied kindly and coldly still. I decided that I shouldn’t continue to bother them because they seemed like they were moving on fine and set the boundary that I ultimately want to respect

A month ago, I saw them outside, and I reached out after. We decided to meet up a few weeks later, and it just felt like we’re still in love while holding back, because we both know it’s not right. I’ve also been constantly setting my expectations before meeting them, and have been doing so for the past 1 week. We both agreed that it was a good time spent, but also, that we should manage our expectations. It’s been a complete silence for the last week, should I reach out to them to ask to meet again?

We broke up 7 months ago, last saw each other 3 months ago and went full no contact 2 months ago. I was the dumper, but it was more of a mutual break up - he brought up about long term incompatibilities(communication and conflict management-he is logical while I’m emotional) before I ended things a month after. We broke up even though we loved each other back then. There was no argument, just a peaceful break up.

The last time we met, I cried a lot, and it’s now blurry on how I managed to cope the first few weeks. I didn’t want to live, couldn’t eat and called anybody I know just to cry out to them while I was ‘bedridden’ - just like how many of you have gone through. I initially reached out to him once every few days and he has also replied(replies were polite, kind and short-he has also never reached before) until one day when I asked to meet, he finally drew the line that it’s best for us to not to. He has also mentioned that he’s moved on. That was when we completely stopped contact because I wanted to respect his boundary.

Since then, I’ve been trying my best to heal and move on as well. Time felt distorted, it was just moving so slowly. I too, have seemed to have lost the old me it seems, but I did learn a lot more about myself, went to exercise, focused more on my work, and thought of the relationship and him less.

However, it was my birthday yesterday. I wasn’t expecting anything from him, so when I saw his message, I was in complete disbelief, and then the tears came. I cried uncontrollably and calmed down before replying to him. He wished me a happy birthday and that he hope that everything is well. I replied with just a ‘thanks’, and the conversation ended there.

Since then, my mind started spiraling again, it’s like a progress reset. I’ve been telling myself that it’s just a kind gesture, but the thought of him not reaching out before and finally sending this - I guess it touched my heart(also the fact that he remembered). But I’m not sure where his head space is at and I don’t want to bother him. Haven’t been able to sleep since as well.

Would love to hear different perspectives on the reason for him reaching out suddenly.