u/Legitimate_Dirt_1536

I’m just a little sad. I know a lot of people here can relate. It feels weird not to contact her today. Thankfully I’m home with my little family today and we’re having nice quality Sunday time together :)

It wasn’t nasty or anything, mostly just a bid to reconnect…but no accountability and more so picking apart my message and explaining how my hurt feelings hurt her. I’m going back and forth between gaslighting myself to feel like I’m overreacting/maybe she’s right to reminding myself that this happens every time I bring up my feelings. My being hurt is hurtful to everyone else and I’m expected to brush it aside and move on, even though I have tried to have these conversations with them time and time again and it always goes the same way. My feelings are nothing but an inconvenience to them. I’m tired of the dynamic of no one being held accountable and having to pretend like nothing is wrong when it doesn’t actually get resolved, you just get told you’re overreacting with no apologies and everyone moves forward. Trying to meet the guilt and second guessing with love and grace and patience because I deserve better than that.

It’s been a long time coming and we haven’t really been in contact for a while already, but I sent my final message and blocked them the other night. So many years of being undermined and misunderstood. I have other relatives on social media who spent time with immediate family and posted about it, which was kinda triggering to see. Makes me feel really sad and disappointed that everyone gets to have a “normal” relationship with each other except for me (except any “normal” relationship would require me to pretend like I’m not hurt by their actions and move on for the sake of everyone else’s comfort). Idk. When does it stop feeling so shitty?

I often hear students (mostly boys) teasing each other and asking things like, “what are you, gay?” typically it’s in a playful way between friends, but the undertone is…not kind. Usually I just give them a look that tells them to stop being inappropriate and they get the memo, but other times I’ll intervene by saying, “And what if he was?” I did this today and the kid who said it got flustered yet promptly stopped making gay jokes. Like truly pls explain to me, what if he was? Quickly ?!

They also know that I, myself, am queer (I have shown pictures of my fiancé and me with our kids when doing my about me spiel), so when I do intervene, they seem to realize the weight of what they’re saying and correct themselves which is appreciated. I teach high school for reference.

What is your approach in these kinds of situations?

ETA: For the record I’m not walking into class saying “Hi kids, I’m gay!” for those who want to be weird about this. It’s not inappropriate to share a photo of my family with my students at the beginning of the year to introduce myself/my life/my hobbies - straight teachers do it all the time, so what’s the difference? 🤨 You wanna say you don’t recall one teacher who shared their sexual orientation with you but they did the moment they talked about their husband or wife…and the gay ones very likely were forced to keep their identity secret for their safety. Miss me with that bs because you are loud and wrong. Thank you.