u/Legitimate_Drop3862

Im a senior in highschool and im friends with this guy who is a sophomore, we all of a sudden got like really close for a few months and im a very reserved person, I find it very hard to open up to even my own mother, but over the few months we talked I trusted him very easily, I couldnt tell you why, I just trusted him. I opened upto him about my sexual assult experienes and my sister getting raped by a random man when she was 4, how those situations impacted the way I see the world. He'd respond by saying "Yea after hearing that I can't even blame you for feeling hostile towards men." When I told him about my sa for context, It happened when I was alone and I couldn’t call my mom because my phone had died, he expressed feeling really bad and the next day he bought me a charger and gave it to me, I thought that way very sweet, he said he had almost "discovered emopathy" because he always knew that sa was bad, but hearing that it happened to someone he knew felt more real i guess? Idk. He told me he cried over it. Anyways, he then opened up about his porn addiction and he said he quit after he heard my sa story because he felt that bad, he then asked me if I ever "noticed him staring at my boobs* I said no and he admitted that he used to stare at girls boobs, but he stopped when he quit porn. That was all a few months ago.
Yesterday, he told me something much worse. He had a locked note in his notes app and I wouldnt jokingly try to steal his phone to read it but he was very opposed to it. Yesterday on call, he just asked me if I wanted to read it and I said yes. He opened the note and said “i used to jerk off to you."I was so confused couldnt even believe it. He said he had a google drive of 20+ girls including me of pictures he would jerk off to, I screenshared my camera roll and he screenshotted it and zoomed on this selfie of me with a full coverage shirt on and showed me, there was also a picture I took of my cleavage to show my tanline that he zoomed in on, knowing that I was showing vulnerable parts of myself and trusting him then he turns around and does that really hurt me. Its also really weird considering our age gap, im 17 and hes 15, ive always just thought of him as my friend.

The note was expressing how much he regrets it and how he thinks its disgusting, but it was also questionable because It said disgusting things like The only time I was actually attracted to her was when I thought she had big boobs" then on call he said "its so crazy I did that because your boobs arent even that big" "Your boobs didnt even look that good." Or “you should be happy i was just calling u hot” Like WTF??! Who says that? Even tho it was a joke, i dont feel like hes taking it that seriously if hes joking about it. I feel really torn, I dont know if I should stop being his friend, i dont wanna be dramatic but it rly weirded me out

I’m an upcoming senior and I want to join cross country, I like doing hard things and I’m willing to put in the work. But it feels like that won’t cut it.

I’ve heard people running like 8 miles for practice, the furthest I’ve ran is 2km at a 7:30:km pace I do plan to train the rest of August before practice starts but I’m still worried there’s no way I’ll be able to run 8 miles by the end of it.

I only started training mid July because I tore my ankle tendon which really set me back. Should I just not join?

I’ve been doing this 9 week running program called c25k, it’s basically just intervals of running and walking.

I’m doing all the running at a pace of 4mph, and it’s so hard, I see some people saying they WALK at a pace of 5mph and run at 9mph LITERALLY HOW?!

I mean are they just lying? Literally how is it possible to walk 5mph, are these people just giants? I’m so confused and I can’t tell if I’m just too short (I’m 5’3) or if I’m too unfit

I met this girl in 7th grade, let’s call her Emma, me and Emma are now juniors and I still considered her my best friend up until like a week ago.

For proper context I can take this back to freshman year, I had no classes with Emma and I had all my classes with my other friend, let’s call her Molly. Me and Molly become very close and talk a lot in school and I naturally drift away from Emma. (Keep in mind freshman year I had an eating disorder and it made it very hard for me to keep up with any friendships I had)

One day I was sitting in class and these 3 girls were telling me that Emma is very upset with me and she was crying. I suspected smth was up so I texted her. No response, I talked to her in real life and she expressed that she feels like I don’t want to be in this friendship as much as she does because I wouldn’t text first or initiate much I said I didn’t have any issues and she just said “oh we can just go back to normal” I found it odd cuz I tried to text her first but there was no response, I carried on anyways. After we made up she mentioned that while she was mad at me, she talked shit behind my back and apologized for it, it made me feel deeply upset that my best friend would do that instead of just telling me the problem, but I said it’s fine and carried on.

Later freshman year she did the same thing saying that I don’t put any effort into our friendship and she told me to unfollow a girl on instagram (a girl she didn’t like but I was friends with) again, I put aside my feelings or what felt right to me and I just unfollowed her.

Sophomore year Molly moves away and I only see Emma at lunch, that’s it, a 30 minute lunch period 2-3 times a week.

Junior year I also have lunch with her and she always goes to the library for lunch, a couple of times I would say I’m gonna come to the library but I just wouldn’t show up or would forget to go, after that we had class together she looked really mad when I walked in and I asked her if she was mad and she said she would rather just text me about it, I said ok and over text she said she was NOT crying because of me, but because of family issues, but she did also say that she misses me because my efforts are less than hers, again, the same as freshman year. Again, I say sorry and move on.

Recently, I was walking to sit with her at lunch and when I walked up she looked really mad, I asked her if something was wrong and she said “yea I’m mad cuz u take so long to get here and I took the time to find us a table) i immediately apologise and say I wouldn’t do it again, I didn’t know it bothered her, no response. That was my immediate reaction but In my head I’m thinking what is this girl talking about? Lunch starts at 10:45 and I went to the bathroom before lunch, I arrived at 10:48. She had to sit alone for 3 minuets… I can’t even take a piss anymore?

Then April break happens, I texted her asking to hangout and she said she was too busy, I said ok with a few follow up texts but I got no response. Then after April break, me and Emma’s mutual friend, Kayla, tells me Emma was talking bad about me, she told her about me being 3 minuets late to lunch and she said “oh she was wearing a push-up bra the other day I hate when girls wear push-up bras” I was so shocked to hear that. My heart was broken, I asked Emma about it and she awkwardly laughs and says “sorry idk what to say this is really awkward” wow. She’s just laughing in my face about it, then I mentioned how she ghosted me the entire April break, she said it was because I am a “bad friend” and she’s tired of telling me.

Me and her talk for like an hour, both of us cried and she told me everything that bothers her about me, she said she hates that I always make sarcastic jokes and everything I do. There’s a lot I could’ve mentioned to her, but again, I’m putting my feelings aside for her. We make up and go back to normal.

Btw, my dad recently had a life threatening stroke and had to get brain surgery, my mom is always with him and I had to stay at my aunts house because I just don’t have any parents to take care of me. I didn’t bring a bra with me, so I had to wear my aunts bra, I’m a 16 year old girl and she’s a grown woman, so yea her bra wasn’t a good fit on me and It looked weird in school. The fact that Emma would judge me for that really broke my heart and it was never really addressed.

Prom comes around and I go with Emma and our group of friends. We have a good time but once at the night I made a joke calling her ugly or smth, later she texts me about it and says it hurt her feelings (I was a lil confused cuz we’ve made those jokes before but idk) so I just said sorry and we moved on.

After all that, I became extremely self conscious around Emma, what I wear, or say, so I text her asking if she even wants to be my friend anymore, she said she does and said “sorry for making u feel like I didn’t” then she brings up the ugly joke I made and how I made a joke about her not having her drivers permit…. Wtf? Ever since I’ve become a junior the jokes about getting ur license or getting a job have been nonstop. It’s so harmless. I was so confused. She said I “do it on purpose to humiliate her in front of other people” excuse me?😭 keep in mind she’s 17 with no permit like sue me idk. Despite all that, I apologise, but I get no response and the next day my other friends from prom tell me Emma told them about the ugly joke.

Wow… so she’s STILL talking about me to other people? I’m so tired of trying to please her, I’m literally apologising for nothing and she doesn’t even appreciate it. What’s the point? Why am I putting aside my feelings for her? Genuinely if she said that to anyone else they wouldn’t have done the same, I have no ego and I’m willing to apologize even for a stupid permit joke, but she still doesn’t appreciate me or thinks I’m a bad friend?!

Keep in mind Emma has done a lot to me, she’s been shit talking me, she gets very jealous when I have other friends, she mentioned that she was very jealous of how close me and molly we’re freshman year, she made me move away from a lunch table full of my friends just because she was jealous that I wasn’t only talking to her, I was showing her the guy that I talk to who happened to be black and she says “why are u with the hoodlums” or she calls random black kids “young n words” (mind u she’s not black), she makes racist or nasty comments about ALL of my friends, it’s so rude.

I’m tempted to just start telling everyone about her wrongdoings because mine are so minor compared to her (imo) but I don’t wanna stoop to her level, she’s tried texting me but I was just very dry or gave no response.

Do you guys think im worse than her? I mean both of us have done bad things but mine seem so minor compared to hers