I need to find a cute purse that fits my fat laptop. I have a large cloth tote bag but I need my bag to be durable for the winter cause I commute on public transport in the winter. What is cute, durable, affordable and aesthetically pleasing?
I never really had a personal Instagram account in grade school. I graduated high school recently and made a new Instagram account where I have my small circle of friends I have around 20 followers. I guess I am trying to figure out if that is considered strange to have? Like I see people with an average of 200 mutuals being normal. I guess I just feel strange, like I have always been shy and so I don't really have many people I know. I don't talk to many people other than my siblings. My siblings are sort of my friends they are my built in friend group, but honestly I feel sort of alien even with them because they have lots of friends and Instagram followers. I just feel so behind and like socially inept. I don't understand small talk and when I do try it I feel like everyone thinks I am just being a loser idk. I also speak really quietly and somehow mumble despite me feeling like I am speaking at a loud enough tone. I don't speak clearly and I feel insecure. I guess I have always felt like the accommodating, shy girl. Because since I am quiet I try to still be kind and well not rude. Like sure I'm shy and would rather disassociate in the corner than strike up a conversation with people but when people do try to talk to me I get happy and I talk back obviously and I try my best to be kind. I don't hate people, in fact I think it is because of my isolated, sheltered, controlling up bringing that made this way. Since I can remember since kindergarten I have been shy and reserved. I don't hate people I just feel like it is hard to connect to people because of how socially strange I am. I feel like I am such a deep person? Or I at least appreciate deep conversation but I don't understand how to guide a conversation. I can reply to people's question and I can ask questions back but I don't know how to let it flow. I also just feel so cringe for trying and it is like I don't think other people are cringe for trying because I am the weird one for not trying but I just get in my head and everything feels like I am just taking up space and like I don't understand how to show up in life correctly. I don't know how to be what people want me to be. At the same time I don't know how to be myself socially because I am different in so many ways. I just feel like I cannot just be myself. Because I don't know who I am. I don't understand how I am supposed to show up in the world. I feel like everyone has someone closer to them that they'd rather talk too. Even with my siblings I talk about more deep things and I don't mean it in a way that I am better than anyone because I enjoy talking about deep things blah, I just mean I appreciate it and it feels so relieving when other people talk about things deeply because then I don't feel alone. I feel like society expects me to be surface level and so I stop there and be surface level because I also understand that small talk is something to be appreciated, and well I do appreciate it! I appreciate small talk a lot, I think it's cute. but I hate performing. I would rather just withdraw than partake in meaningless talk, but it isn't meaningless right because even small talks means something. I know I am the problem. I don't know how to be a little bit of something. I am either the entire fucking storm or not here at all. People close to me tell me that I am a crybaby and feel too much and that things aren't as deep as I make it out to seem. My sibling tells me that my crying is annoying. I agree crying is annoying, it's annoying being someone who has to feel shit so deeply. I don't mean this is in an OMG I AM AN EMPATH!! THE WORLD JUST DOESN'T UNDERSTAND ME!! I don't mean it like that, I mean that the way I feel deeply and I feel everything is so tiring and I just want to be more normal you know.