u/LessDog1

I (36F) have been estranged from my twin sister (36F), her husband (37M), and my mother since January after a conflict involving my brother-in-law contacting/inviting my ex behind my back. When I expressed discomfort with it, things escalated badly and communication broke down.

Since then, there’s been very little effort from my family to repair things, and I’ve felt unsupported by both my mother and sister throughout the situation.

Now my sister is due to give birth next week, and my mother says I should still drive 2 hours to babysit my nieces while she’s in labor. I’m conflicted because I love my nieces and worry this estrangement could become permanent if I don’t help, but at the same time I feel hurt that I’m being expected to show up for people who haven’t treated me or my fiancé kindly for months.

Would I be making a mistake by declining to help, or is it reasonable to maintain distance until the larger conflict is addressed?

I feel incredibly alone and I’m heartbroken at becoming the scapegoat. I’m terrified of this conflict becoming permanent but I’m waiting for an apology that I’ll never get.

TL;DR: I’ve been estranged from my sister, mother, and brother-in-law for 5 months after a conflict my BIL started, and now they expect me to babysit during my sister’s labor despite making little effort to repair the relationship.

I (36F) previously posted about some family drama that left me so hurt and confused.

Recap: My twin sister, her husband- let’s call him Alex (37M), my fiancé (40) and I were at my mother’s. Alex casually mentioned that he had invited my ex (who he had no prior friendship with) for plans. I was incredibly disrespected by this, as was my fiance. My twin sister- who I have a complicated relationship with - acted like she had no idea who I was. The whole thing came out of nowhere, I was mostly in shock and trying not to freak out that evening or cause a scene as we had all just arrived. The plans were canceled. I reached out to Alex the next day to let him know I’m not okay with my family reaching out to any ex of mine. It turned into him attacking me, threatening me, and promising to estrange me from my family.

This happened in January, and I haven’t spoken to my family since. I have tried reaching out. My mother is inherently selfish and a little dumb. Alex has been feeding her nonsense I guess? Since then, she has celebrated holidays without me, she has lied to me, she hasn’t done anything to defend me or protect me, she’s been convinced it’s totally normal that he called my ex and did nothing when Alex ripped me a new one for reasons that aren’t clear. My mother has even made major financial decisions that hurt me and benefit him. He has her ear now.

My sister is due to give birth to their third child next week. My mom reached out last week and told me it’s not okay that I’m not going to babysit my nieces while she’s giving birth.

I know if I don’t go, they will hold onto this forever and use it against me. I’m heartbroken because I easily see a 5 month estrangement becoming 5 years. However, I don’t think I’m wrong for having a boundary about an ex. I don’t think it’s a reasonable expectation that I drop everything and drive 2 hours for people that act maliciously towards me or my fiance for no reason.

TL;DR: My sisters husband is a jerk, I’ve been estranged from my family because of him since January. Despite not talking to me since then, my mother and sister think it’s wrong of me not to go help babysit while she gives birth.