u/Library_Surfer97

My manager has been talking about his church a lot lately. I don't mean just here and there, I mean like almost everyday. I feel like he's trying to recruit some of us. Really, it's getting to the point where some of us at my store feel like we're gonna be fired if we don't go to it. One associate reported it on behalf of the store, but, come to find out, one of our HR people attends the same church, as does our asset prevention guy. This is honestly starting to feel like a cult type of thing. Our to go person came from another store and she said her deli manager was also in this church when she heard our store manager talking about it.

TLDR: Our manager talks non-stop about his church, and we're starting to feel like our jobs are threatened if we speak up about it.

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My OCD (I'm diagnosed by a psychiatrist as having Severe OCD) has me following weird impulses. One of these I'm going to explain with some detail.

I've had OCD to a point most of my life, however I went through a traumatic event when I was 12 years old. I was sexually assaulted by my older sister and her boyfriend. Obviously, this event caused me both physical and mental harm. I began washing my hands more than I already did. My mom counted several times to tell my therapist, at one point I washed my hands over 50 times in 3 hours. My hands would be raw, red and cracking.

Around this time, I started going through Puberty and (NSFW tag for a reason) started doing something we all do at some point. I would wash my hands vigorously afterwards. I felt like I was repeating the event that happened to me.

Flash forward several years, I discover my sexuality and feel guilt about it. I ask the questions like: Was it my fault? Did I want it to happen because I was gay? Is God punishing me for doing a common thing that most people do throughout their lives? The hand-washing episodes became more complex. Now, whenever I have sex or masturbate, I feel the need to wash my hands over and over sometimes for as long as 20 minutes or more. I feel like if I don't then God will punish me.

Does anyone have this form of OCD? If so, how did you/are you fighting it? How are you working to get past these thoughts that we obviously know aren't real or true?

I'm in my mid 20's now and start seeing a Therapist who specializes in PTSD from sexual assault and next month.

I take 400 mg of Fluvoxamine each night for the OCD and Panic Disorder, 0.2 mg of Clonidine 2x a day for anxiety, and 25 mg of Topiramate each nighy to offset the weight gain caused by the SSRI and also help with anxiety.

Thank you for any suggestions or tips on how to get past these impulses with continuousyly washing my hands.