Needing Guidance
Hi everyone,
I’m reaching out because I’m honestly feeling pretty overwhelmed and unsure of where to go from here.
About a year and a half ago, I went on a 10-day Vipassana retreat. In the beginning, once I started tuning into my body more deeply, meditation became surprisingly intense and, at times, painful. As I focused on different areas, I’d feel strong sensations—sometimes intense pain—followed by random memories or flashes of images. Then there would be a sense of release, like something had let go, and that part of my body would suddenly feel lighter. It felt like I had to work through my body piece by piece before I could experience the pleasant vibrations that other people talked about. I cried through many sessions because it was so overwhelming, but I kept going because I assumed this was normal and part of the practice.
The most intense part happened around days 8 or 9.
While meditating and focusing more deeply on my spine, something shifted very suddenly. I felt what I can only describe as an incredibly slow, snake-like wave of energy rising up my spine. As it moved, my body started to move with it little by little. These weren’t voluntary movements—it genuinely felt like my body was being moved by the energy itself.
The energy eventually reached my throat, where it felt completely stuck. The pressure was overwhelming, like I couldn’t breathe properly. During those moments, I also had brief flashes that felt like memories of being choked. It didn’t feel like something from my current life, but I honestly don’t know what those experiences were or if my mind was simply trying to make sense of the physical sensations.
Whenever a little of that pressure released, especially around my throat, I felt an incredible sense of relief and lightness that I’d never experienced before. But it was always only a partial release before another wave would come.
The entire experience was so intense and unlike anything I had ever experienced that, at the time, it honestly felt like something had taken over my body. It frightened me enough that when I got home I stopped meditating completely because I had absolutely no framework for what had happened. I had never even heard of kundalini.
Interestingly, after I stopped meditating, I never experienced those powerful energy surges again. However, something else changed. I’ve always been a very high-functioning person with endless motivation, goals, and ambition. After that retreat I felt strangely purposeless. Not depressed exactly, but it felt like I had lost the drive that had always been there. I’ve often wondered whether the two were somehow related.
Fast forward to last week.
I had two Reiki sessions. The first one mainly brought back some of the uncomfortable sensations. During the second session, it felt like that same energy became active again, and afterward it was like something unlocked. Since then I’ve been experiencing spontaneous kriyas, waves of energy moving through my body, and sometimes strong surges rising into my head.
This time, most of it is centered in my upper back (especially the left side), chest, neck, throat, and head. Interestingly, these are also the areas where I’ve had chronic tension, migraines, and upper back pain for years, although I never thought of them as being connected to anything energetic.
I’ve also become much more sensitive emotionally. If something upsets me, if I hear something I don’t like, or even if I say something I regret or speak negatively about someone, I immediately feel it physically. I get strong vibrations and waves of energy, especially in my upper back and throat, and at first they would trigger intense kriyas. The kriyas are becoming milder now, but they’re still happening.
Last night was the most intense and honestly the scariest experience I’ve had. The energy became so strong that I barely slept. I became afraid that if I simply let it continue rising through my head, I might somehow lose my sense of reality. I don’t know if that fear was justified, but it felt completely real in the moment. I kept getting out of bed, touching the floor, and trying to ground myself because I was genuinely scared.
At the same time, I do feel emotionally lighter overall. It doesn’t all feel negative. But I genuinely don’t know what to do with this energy.
The Reiki practitioner was the first person to mention the word “kundalini.” Before that, I had never connected any of this to it. After reading about kundalini this past week, it’s the closest description I’ve found for what I experienced, which is why I’m posting here.
She suggested continuing Reiki and exploring childhood trauma and even possible past-life experiences through more energy sessions. But honestly, that doesn’t feel like the right decision for me right now. Until I understand what’s happening better and feel more grounded, I don’t think it’s wise to keep intensifying the process.
I’m not looking for ways to activate or speed this up. If anything, I’m looking for guidance on how to navigate it safely, stay grounded, and find someone experienced who truly understands kundalini.
Has anyone here gone through something similar? Were you able to find a teacher you genuinely trusted? How did you know they were the right person? And if you were in my position, what would you focus on first?
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I really appreciate any thoughtful guidance or shared experiences.