Meeting bio parents - is it worth it?
EDIT: Guys, I didn't realize you might have to see this from US or US-like POV too, which might have lead to seeing me as a bigger asshole than I actually am. So, to clarify the context of my country:
- We have free education up to universities with cutting edge research, I have personally learned 5 foreign languages for free, universal healthcare (including mental health spa, psychotherapy, addictological centers...), paid parental leave (up to three years), social support (basically you choose a home, do some paperwork proving you don't have enough money for living and you wil get the money), so my country is a heaven when it comes to this.
- No adoption agencies here. You cannot legally buy a baby. No one is getting paid (at least not legally).
- Losing parental rights is huge here. You would have to be seen by a social worker with a needle in your forearm, while your baby cried next to you with broken bones because you were hitting them too hard. Even SA has to be proven really well (and here it must be said that kid saying someone SAed them is not considered to be a good proof, sadly).
- We have a very bio-centered system. Social workers work really hard to return kids to their bio families, even if it's dangerous. They basically try to teach you how to parent properly, and a few kids have been murdered because of this.
- We have a huge charity and charity-like network. Getting stuff for your newborn is a matter of a day - you ask charity, or you write in a Facebook group that you are a parent in need and people will get you clothes, food, furniture, toys...
- The adoption process here is for dedicated people only. You have to go through a 50 hour course, psychologists examine you and your partner (rumours go that they ask you even about your sex-life), social workers go through your entire home and you have follow-up visits by them, and there is a six month period when you have to prove yourself to be a good parent (or the bio parents may step in during this period and revert the process).
Hi folks! I recently bumped into this topic and I keep wondering, why is the POV of meeting bio parents so important for the kids.
I understand there is the need to know one's full story etc., but I still can't understand why it's so strong even in the case of junkie parents, violent ones etc.
I really hope not to sound disrespectful, but let's say those bio parents might be some crazy people who were violent towards you. Someone who deliberately chose drugs, crime... Someone who did not walk the extra mile for you. Someone you would normally despise of.
I imagine that if I were in this situation, I would prefer to keep an image of my bio parents as... I don't know, nice people who just weren't ready, instead of the reality that my folks were just some stupid junkies with the emotional intelligence of a cucumber, who were not able to finish even a high school. Knowing that would make me feel dirty and disgraced. Is this based on some real stuff, or is it just my imagination and the urge to meet them is always there?