r/AskAdoptees

My son is 4 and has a 3-month-old biological sister in foster care in a different state. Her caseworker has shared with me that she anticipates the case going towards TPR for various reasons, but they aren’t willing to place baby sister with my family until then (unless potentially mom signs over rights or the foster family disrupts).

Of course, by then the best thing for her might be to stay with the foster family that raised her since infancy … right? Or would it?

Regardless, would you have wanted your APs to try to facilitate contact? Would you have wanted them to try to fight for her to come live with you? Or would you have preferred stability in the home you were living in?

I’m struggling with what the right thing to do is, especially because my wife and I have very different instincts but we agree that our first priority is to the child we’ve already made the commitment to. So our priority is doing what’s best for him, then baby sister, then considering what might be best for us and bio mom.

I was adopted in the late 1950s. I always knew that I was adopted because my parents read a lovely book, Why We Adopted You, to me and my adopted siblings from the get go. But my mother was adamant that we never look for our birth families. After both of my parents died, I did a couple of DNA tests and started looking. I have so very fortunate to have found much of my missing family and most of them have been very welcoming.

My dilemma is that I found out that I am/was a twin, and since we were born in California, the only way to find her is through DNA. According to the California Birth Index, she was Baby Girl Madrid born on October 7, 1958 to a mother with the last name of Madrid. I don't know if she is alive or dead. I don't know if she ever had children. I don't know if she knows that she was adopted. Please contact me if you can help.