u/cass2769

Bf’s son is starting to show interest in sexuality and puberty is not far behind im sure. Everything is super age appropriate - I think he’s just curious mostly.

But….i would love advice from adoptees - what did your family do well/what could they have done better for you while going through puberty (or in the years leading up to it)?

Also are there any challenges specific to adoptees as it relates to puberty? The only thing I can think is that you prob don’t have any idea about your body type so you might look much different than your family.

Bf’s 8 yo son took a pair of my underwear. Found it hidden in his closet when I was putting away laundry. It was from a three pack of undies.

I wore one pair of realized I didn’t like them and decided to donate the other two unused pairs… I think he must’ve grabbed it out of the bag
They were in. I think the bag was in our room by the door

Boyfriend and I talked about it and I let him know. I would tell mom. We are all in good terms kiddo is starting to ask questions about bodies and has some interest in private parts. All age-appropriate stuff, though there have been a couple instances where he has crossed lines and those issues are being handled.

Mom says this has been something he is interested in for a while now. Apparently he also took a pair of her underwear at some point and was even trying them on at one point. She doesn’t think it’s sexual nature just curiosity about bodies. She even offered him to maybe wear briefs if he preferred that style of underwear.

Anyway, now I’m just a little bit worried about him going into our room and what he could find. There are definitely at least one or two drawers. I hope he doesn’t open. If he looked hard enough, he could also probably find substances that are not illegal everywhere, but are definitely not appropriate for him to see.

What do you do to secure your privacy? Putting a lock on the door feels extreme, but I don’t want him to be exposed to anything he’s not ready for.

But now I’m worried that

TLDR what do you wish your parents or the adults in your life had done or said when you were going through puberty? What could have made it easier? Or what did they do that really helped?

My bf’s son seems to maybe be entering puberty a little early. No physical changes yet (he’s only 8) but bc he hangs out with some older kids in his neighborhood it seems he’s been exposed to some things and he’s getting curious. There was also a new baby born in the family which is bring up other questions.

My bf and his ex wife seem a little too focused (imo) on using all the “right words”. But they don’t seem to be talking about the bigger picture. How can they as a family support him during this time in his life (which seems to be on the horizon)?

For me…I just keep thinking back to myself around this age. I developed early - I got a little chubby when I was about 9 and then started getting boobs. I remember being so embarrassed bc I wanted a bra but didn’t know how to talk about it with my mom. And then when I was 10 I got my period. Again, did not know what to do and felt so freaked out and embarrassed. I also had terrible acne and was like a head taller than almost my whole class until I was about 13 and people started to catch up.

To be fair I think my parents tried to talk to me…but I think they could have done more. I feel like they just kind of gritted their teeth and got through. Maybe if they had talked more openly or asked more questions I would have had an easier time? I just feel like that part of my life really messed me up in alot of ways. I think I felt so ugly and out of place that, when I got into my teens and started getting even the slightest attention from boys, I really got hung up on that and it created some unhealthy relationship cycles that set up some pretty toxic situations. I feel like only in the last few years honestly have I healed from some of the seeds that were planted.

So…I want to make sure we approach bf’s son the right way.

Id love to know what the adults in your life could have done better during this transitional time? Or if they did something super helpful or great, what was it?

Those who have gone through puberty, what should we expect?

Bf’s son is 8 and we found a recent search history for things like “butts” and “girls and boys kissing naked”. He does tend to hang with older kids so even if he’s not gonna get there physically for a while it seems like his brain is starting to think about these more adult things probably because the kids around him are talking about them.

He’s just the sweet little ADHD eight year-old who still sometimes needs help falling asleep because he had a bad dream. But then it’s like there’s this other side of him now.

I guess I’m just looking for general advice. All the adults in his life have let him know that he can talk to us and ask questions. Dad got him a book about puberty. It’s a really great book. I read the whole thing last weekend. I wish I had had something like this when I was about his age.

I think my biggest question is when it starts to happen is it best to just ignore it or is it may be best to talk about it more openly? I think I would have died when I was a kid if my parents had started talking about my changing body, but I think it also would have made it feel a little bit less scary and secretive so I feel like my instinct is to talk more openly with him as things start to happen. It’s really important to me that he is raised with sex positive values and I feel like puberty when a lot of that gets shaped.

Any guidance is appreciated.

I was at the grocery store today and they had a table set out with beautiful flowers that did not sell for Mother’s Day. I half thought about getting myself some.

I’m not technically a stepmom but when my boyfriend and I do eventually get married, maybe I’ll ask him to give me flowers the day after Mother’s Day for stepmom‘s day lol

So I’m doing laundry today and I noticed the black sweater has been sitting on top of the dryer for a few days. I had meant to grab it the last couple days to look at it and put it away but didn’t do that until today.

So I grab it and at first I think it’s mine but then I realize it’s from a brand I don’t ever shop at and the sweater I have has buttons this one does not

My first thought is to text BM and ask if she’s missing a sweater. Thinking maybe kid put it in his backpack by mistake. She says it’s not hers.

So now I’m trying to think what other women have been in my house recently would be wearing a sweater.

My BF just got back from a work convention in a party city about a week and a half ago so maybe it’s from that. Maybe a female coworker was hanging out in his room and left it there by mistake?

I really don’t want to think the worst. This man is wonderful and my soulmate and has never given me any reason to not trust him.

I think I just need a reality. Check that I’m not being crazy.

Edited to add:
He texted me back and let me know it’s his boss’s sweater. I completely missed that there is a company logo on it. Kind of a bonehead thing on my part. Still not sure how it ended up in his luggage, but whatever.

My bf’s son is 8 w combined type and is medicated.

Recently my bf got some testing scores and he’s telling me the scores show his son is years ahead of his grade level (4th vs 2nd)

But…I don’t see it. I think he’s a normal 8 year old. I’ve seen him do simple math but multiplying and dividing he doesn’t understand those concepts yet.

His handwriting is bad which I know is normal for kids (esp these days). He really can’t spell well at all. In 4th grade I think was when we started writing paragraphs and small research papers. I could not imagine his son doing this.

I was to be supportive. I think he’s a great kid and is very bright and excited to learn new things. But I don’t see him as being super smart.

But then again I have no educational background. And minimal knowledge about kids. I only entered this kids life 2 years ago prob less.

Am I crazy? Does being super smart not look how I think it does? Or is dad just a little quick to believe the adhd has the payoff of high intelligence?

Anyone else find that their parenting style (and maybe other things in your life) are actually very similar to the ex? It’s a weird dynamic

My bf’s son (8) is combined type and medicated.

He has the really bad habit of cutting people off to try and finish what they are going to say…but he’s always wrong lol

He also cannot seem to stop and think before he answers a question. This makes placing food orders, making plans for the day, etc difficult bc he will say he wants to do a certain thing and then changes his mind like 7 times before getting flustered.

Anyway, I have a little experience with dungeons and dragons and I was thinking this would be a great game to help with these skills and others.

1. he’s a creative kid, this would allow him to literally create whatever he wants…but it’s on a character sheet so can’t try and change the rules when they don’t work for him anymore
2. math skills - rolling dice, calculating damage
3. “stop and think” - when the dm asks a question you have to stop and think bc the first thing you say is what happens…so it’s better to pause

Has anyone tried something like this?

Have you ever attended or hosted a clothing swap? How did you do it? Anything you learned for next time?

I’d like to plan one in my area but want to think through bc I’ve never been to one before

My bf and I have his 8yo son every other week. He has combined type and is medicated.

Recently we spend substantial time with some friends including their 8yo son (bf’s son and this kid are friends and we are friends with the parents)

Anyway, I mentioned in passing something that the friend’s kid did that I found annoying (pretending to be the expert in something and the. Just making stuff up rather than say “ I don’t know”). Bf’s son seemed interested in the conversation. But here’s the thing - bf’s son does the same thing as the other kid.

So I had the convo and explained why I found the behavior annoying. Dad and I then gave examples from our lives about how we handle times when we don’t know the answer to a question.

It felt like a good convo. And I feel like his son was better able to understand our complaints about the behavior when we are talking about someone else and not him.

But. Is it ok to use another kid’s bad behavior to teach bf’s son? I don’t want it to feel like we are talking badly about his friend.

Today some stuff went down at school with my bf’s son (8). He had to go meet with the school along with his ex wife.

Then the two of them got coffee and spent a couple hours together taking and figuring out some logistics. They had down time though so they also caught up on life. She told him about the dating she’s been doing and such.

They have a good relationship and I want it to be that way. I have a good relationships with her too. All good.

But…I find myself insecure tonight. Bf has given me reassurance and I know it’s just been an emotional day…but yeah.

Bf also mentioned how fit his ex has gotten. It’s really impressive honestly and something I kind of aspire to. I’ve seen the models and such that bf follows on social media. They are thinner/fitter than me but probably also curvier/thicker than her. But then tonight we were looking at family photos with his kid and some of them have her in them and she was much heavier then. I’ve been on a glp1 for like 9 months at this point…I’m down about 25 lbs and my bf had been giving me tons of compliments. But I’ve been stalled out with weight loss for almost 6 months now. I have about 15 more to lose to get to a healthy bmi.

I know it makes sense but I’m just hoping that eventually interaction with his ex like this doesn’t make me feel so weird. I’m good with the short interactions but the longer ones and the emotional
Moments bring up my insecurities. I’m also unemployed at the moment and looking for work…so I just don’t feel like I’m much of a prize right now.

Kids fighting with their friends

I don’t have kids of my own but my bf has an 8 year old son. So I feel like I’m getting a crash course in kids and parenting.

I’ve only seen bf’s son interact with one friend…and it feels like they are constantly fighting. Not physically but just bickering and disagreeing and tattling on each other.

Is this normal? I don’t remember this kind of thing happening w my friends when I was a kid.

Is this a boy vs girl thing? Or maybe it’s just this one friend? I asked kid and he said he has a similar dynamic with all his friends

Would appreciate any opinions or experiences. I don’t want to be concerned about something that’s not a problem. But it seems so strange to me.

I’m a 40ish childfree (not a political word, just a description) woman living with my bf and we have his 8yo son half the time. I think I’m realizing something and it’s a little scary.

So, in general, when it comes to SS I left bf take the lead. I step in as needed and where I can to help lighten the load for bf.

Anyway, we will be watching a couple extra kids for a few days while their parents (our friends) are traveling. We will also have SS those same days

So I’ve been working on prepping for this - calendar reminders for all the school pick ups/drop offs, grocery list, etc. essentially I have the days scripted so that nothing gets missed.

Anyway was showing my bf all the prep work yesterday and I realized I was feeling anxious about how he would react. In our partnership, he’s the more type A one and he really hasn’t seen me go into planning mode like this before. I realized I was anxious how he would feel about seeing this side of me. Will he find it too bossy, too detailed, not detailed enough.

It’s like this upcoming visit feels like my audition for being his wife/stepmom to his kid. I know that sounds silly but I really want this to go well. Maybe I’m trying to prove to myself as well as him that I’m capable of this.

I’malso nervous about how he and I will get along while we do this - will it be hard on our relationship? Will it be four parts of each other we’ve never seen before?

Anyway, I realized Ive never had this in a previous relationship before. I’ve never been tested im this way. Never had to work with a partner on something like this before.

Any advice?

My question is for kids with parents that are divorced whether you have step parents or not. I’m curious if it’s easier for you when your parents communicate with each other about things going on in their lives.

Maybe not day-to-day stuff but bigger events like birthday parties for family members, medical stuff for people in the family, someone moving, someone changing jobs, etc.

My boyfriend has an eight-year-old son. He and his ex-wife are friendly, but most of their communication is just about schedules and things like that. Sometimes that means that mom finds out about things going on because kid tells his mom which is fine

Im just wondering if it makes it easier for the kid, if both parents know about this kind of stuff in advance, or do you mind being the one to share this kind of info

If there’s something that I don’t want his ex-wife to know, I won’t say anything in front of the kid because I never want him to feel like he has to hold anything back from his mom

Any advice is appreciated. Honestly, I can’t just feel like we’re all family and should be in the loop on things, but it’s not really my decision to make.