u/Lirpas88

I’m 38. My husband is 46. He’s fit. He’s strong. He’s extremely intelligent, works a high paying job. He has very difficult tasks at work and is trusted with a lot.

He’s great to talk to. Great to relate to and is the coach of my ten year old son’s soccer team.

I’m struggling with his maw incompetence. Example - he has used my stove and just shoves things to the side (we don’t have a lot of counter space). So there will be towels, plastic, paper on the stove. His argument is he made sure the eye he used was clean. I asked repeatedly four to five times to not do that. Explained the safety issues. The risk to our lives, our house. He said he’s too tired, he’s so busy, he was stressed. There’s always an excuse. I asked if his mom had not taught him how to use a stove (genuinely bc these are tasks I teach my own kids and were taught to me when I wanted to learn how to cook) and he got angry and more defensive.

I finally after repeatedly asking him to safely use the stove lost my temper. I threatened to sale the stove so I’m not scared of if I can’t be home and watch him use it. He said he wouldn’t do it ever again. We will see.

He will mow the yard and leave the lawn mower out for days. The gas can in the sun out for days. Weeks if he can. We have a shed it goes it. He just stops it and walks away and says he will put it away later. Later never comes. I put it away after two to three days bc I don’t want it rained on and ruined and it was expensive. He then gets upset I should have asked him to do it, that he was about to do it. This happens over and over and over.

Last night we got home late, I have three kids (8yrs, 10yrs, 2yrs). I started dinner. I had to wash my puppies feet bc she soiled the crate so I asked my 10 yr old to stir the beef. I finished dinner, served it, made my two school kids their lunch for the next day, got my kids to organize their clothes for school for water day, get sunblock towels extra clothes. Put in a load of laundry. Got my older kids in the bath and teeth brushed and got them into bed. Walked my puppy twice before bed. Brushed my two year olds teeth and got him night clothes.

My husband - I asked him to take out the trash bc pick up is Tuesday morning. He took trash from bathroom (that I had asked him to put into large garbage can for three or four weeks) and just dumped it loosely into outside bin which was overflowing. This had wipes in it, female hygiene products etc that can fall out and in our driveway.

I shouldn’t have to explain to him
How to hygienically put trash in a bag and dispose of it or tie the bag. Not his dump it into the can. He said oh I’ll go fix it but when? It was already ten pm, and I wanted to go to bed and he’s acting like he’s about to die from fatigue.

If this was one off I’d get it. I’d understand. But it’s literally every single task in our life.

I want to his separate amicably bc I wanted a husband to add value to my life not make it harder. I feel I shouldn’t have to supervise and micromanage my husband on simple daily tasks nor should I have to make lists for him constantly. It would be easier to live alone.

He doesn’t want divorce and says I should
Forgive him over and over and over and never get angry and I should always be kind with Grace and understanding. Kindness Grace and understanding don’t get me any results.

Anyone else divorce because of similar issues? Men or women.

I’m 38. My husband is 46. He’s fit. He’s strong. He’s extremely intelligent, works a high paying job. He has very difficult tasks at work and is trusted with a lot.

He’s great to talk to. Great to relate to and is the coach of my ten year old son’s soccer team.

I’m struggling with his maw incompetence. Example - he has used my stove and just shoves things to the side (we don’t have a lot of counter space). So there will be towels, plastic, paper on the stove. His argument is he made sure the eye he used was clean. I asked repeatedly four to five times to not do that. Explained the safety issues. The risk to our lives, our house. He said he’s too tired, he’s so busy, he was stressed. There’s always an excuse. I asked if his mom had not taught him how to use a stove (genuinely bc these are tasks I teach my own kids and were taught to me when I wanted to learn how to cook) and he got angry and more defensive.

I finally after repeatedly asking him to safely use the stove lost my temper. I threatened to sale the stove so I’m not scared of if I can’t be home and watch him use it. He said he wouldn’t do it ever again. We will see.

He will mow the yard and leave the lawn mower out for days. The gas can in the sun out for days. Weeks if he can. We have a shed it goes it. He just stops it and walks away and says he will put it away later. Later never comes. I put it away after two to three days bc I don’t want it rained on and ruined and it was expensive. He then gets upset I should have asked him to do it, that he was about to do it. This happens over and over and over.

Last night we got home late, I have three kids (8yrs, 10yrs, 2yrs). I started dinner. I had to wash my puppies feet bc she soiled the crate so I asked my 10 yr old to stir the beef. I finished dinner, served it, made my two school kids their lunch for the next day, got my kids to organize their clothes for school for water day, get sunblock towels extra clothes. Put in a load of laundry. Got my older kids in the bath and teeth brushed and got them into bed. Walked my puppy twice before bed. Brushed my two year olds teeth and got him night clothes.

My husband - I asked him to take out the trash bc pick up is Tuesday morning. He took trash from bathroom (that I had asked him to put into large garbage can for three or four weeks) and just dumped it loosely into outside bin which was overflowing. This had wipes in it, female hygiene products etc that can fall out and in our driveway.

I shouldn’t have to explain to him
How to hygienically put trash in a bag and dispose of it or tie the bag. Not his dump it into the can. He said oh I’ll go fix it but when? It was already ten pm, and I wanted to go to bed and he’s acting like he’s about to die from fatigue.

If this was one off I’d get it. I’d understand. But it’s literally every single task in our life.

I want to his separate amicably bc I wanted a husband to add value to my life not make it harder. I feel I shouldn’t have to supervise and micromanage my husband on simple daily tasks nor should I have to make lists for him constantly. It would be easier to live alone.

He doesn’t want divorce and says I should
Forgive him over and over and over and never get angry and I should always be kind with Grace and understanding. Kindness Grace and understanding don’t get me any results.

Anyone else divorce because of similar issues? Men or women.