Living in workplace quarters for years ahead—30F feeling emotionally drained and disconnected.
I am a 30-year-old woman currently living away from my home state due to work. The chances of getting transferred back are low, and I expect to continue working for about 30 more years until retirement. I live in residential quarters provided by my workplace, and I have decided to remain single permanently. In my job, there are often interstate on-duty requirements. Because I am single and do not have dependents like children, school-going kids, or aged parents/in-laws (staying with me at quarters), I sometimes get assigned more of these duties compared to others. Earlier in my career, I found it difficult to say no to such assignments even when they were extreme or unfair, as I feared refusing them. Recently, I have started saying no and asking for equal distribution of duties, and on one occasion this worked. My parents live in my home state and are unable to relocate with me. I have only a few close friends, and they are all settled in their own lives. I tend to avoid interactions with relatives because conversations often turn toward marriage, especially since most of my cousins of similar age are already married this year. I often feel a sense of emptiness, especially at night, and I tend to overthink a lot. I feel concerned about the direction my life is taking and sometimes feel uncertain about the future. I am financially independent, and at times, that feels like the only thing I am truly proud of. I do not know how to drive. I have tried learning, but I experience strong fear and difficulty controlling it while on the road. I have also tried developing hobbies and learning new skills, but I struggle with them. I feel that I need more time than others to learn new things, and I learn best when I study alone, which makes it difficult when a skill requires external help or guided practice.
What should I do? How can I improve and live fruitfully?