u/Living-Garbage-5558

Hey. Posted this elsewhere but I wanted the opinion of a community that might be more tailored. I doubt I'll keep this post up for long because it's kind of humiliating to think this is public. I'm just going to be giving a quick context recap before what raised this question can be retold. I'm not going to proofread or meticulously articulate myself. Hope that's alright. Please forgive any hiccups.

To sum things up, I have a lot of struggle feeling attraction to begin with because of sexual abuse from approximately ten to twelve. Importantly, I am only fifteen now. The abuse mainly came from women and so women specifically were difficult for me to look at in any light that wasn't hostile. Recently, I forced myself into exposure therapy and neglected many panic attacks just to get somewhere I can finally look at undressed or otherwise revealed women. This, I thought, had solved it. I could see women unclothed now without fear and I figured that meant I would start feeling real attraction.

Unfortunately, in the window I spent without being able to look to women, I resorted to thinking of strictly fictional men sometimes. Just so happens that I was growing up and really wanted to experience that kind of attracted feeling - having no sound means of doing so in women, I turned to men and squeezed what I could without freaking out about it.

I'm terrified of what this might mean but even now, somewhat comfortable in attempting attraction to women, I don't really know for sure whether I do. I believe I feel at least romantic attraction for women and a smidgen of sexual attraction I can detect past the haze of still lingering dread - it's just so hard to tell in that I have this very bare and flimsy frame of reference with all this baggage behind it. Not sure how to word this.

What's worrying me right now is that I came across an illustrated depiction of a shirtless male character and got aroused. I get that I'm still young and that it could be a mistake of the body, but I don't understand why this wouldn't have happened to a woman instead. Yes, it still is not a smooth process if I can be made excited or smitten for a woman - I shake but I no longer panic - but I feel it should have happened at least unbotheringly by now. All the times it has happened to a woman, I'll feel nauseous and tremulous. The few times to a man, I don't feel anything but the usual intense shame and disappointment for something unrelated.

What does this make me? Thanks in advance for any and all help. Take care.

Hey. I doubt I'll keep this post up for long because it's kind of humiliating to think this is public. I'm just going to be giving a quick context recap before what raised this question can be retold. I'm not going to proofread or meticulously articulate myself. Hope that's alright. Please forgive any hiccups.

To sum things up, I have a lot of struggle feeling attraction to begin with because of sexual abuse from approximately ten to twelve. The abuse mainly came from women and so women specifically were difficult for me to look at in any light that wasn't hostile. Recently, I forced myself into exposure therapy and neglected many panic attacks just to get somewhere I can finally look at undressed or otherwise revealed women. This, I thought, had solved it. I could see women unclothed now without fear and I figured that meant I would start feeling real attraction.

Unfortunately, in the window I spent without being able to look to women, I resorted to thinking of strictly fictional men sometimes. Just so happens that I was growing up and really wanted to experience that kind of attracted feeling - having no sound means of doing so in women, I turned to men and squeezed what I could without freaking out about it.

I'm terrified of what this might mean but even now, somewhat comfortable in attempting attraction to women, I don't really know for sure whether I do. I believe I feel at least romantic attraction for women and a smidgen of sexual attraction I can detect past the haze of still lingering dread - it's just so hard to tell in that I have this very bare and flimsy frame of reference with all this baggage behind it. Not sure how to word this.

What's worrying me right now is that I came across an illustrated depiction of a shirtless male character and got aroused. I get that I'm still young and that it could be a mistake of the body, but I don't understand why this wouldn't have happened to a woman instead. Yes, it still is not a smooth process if I can be made excited or smitten for a woman - I shake but I no longer panic - but I feel it should have happened at least unbotheringly by now. All the times it has happened to a woman, I'll feel nauseous and tremulous. The few times to a man, I don't feel anything but the usual intense shame and disappointment for something unrelated.

What does this make me? Thanks in advance for any and all help. Take care.

Hey! This isn't necessarily any problem for me and is in fact quite the opposite but I wanted to make a post because this might not be entirely normal. I'm hoping this isn't professionally concerning at all.

I find that when trying to touch down there, it isn't all that pleasurable. It's admittedly something relatively new for me to begin with as all the time before it was an activity I couldn't handle. I've spent an egregiously long time working up to this and it used to hurt worse (never anything agonising) anytime trying. I have no doubt that this could be contributing.

It feels so sensitive to touch that it's partially painful (wish it was comparable to something - it kind of stings and progressively worsens but not so much a wound feeling than intense discomfort) or just overwhelming. Not sure whether this qualifies under oversharing, but I'm noticing I move and jolt a lot during any attempts in a way I've not heard spoken about as well. There are certain things that feel remotely well but I fear I can't describe that in helpful detail. My best shot might be that I brush lightly against my bed and it doesn't feel so severely uncomfortable. I don't like doing that because it's crude. Kind of embarrassing to get that out and I don't know if that's in violation of rules. Sorry if so.

Anyway, forgive my poor expansion. I'm trying to be open for the most mutual benefit. Really sorry. Thank you in advance for any and all help. Take care.