u/Living-Treacle-1993

CW: one nsfw mention

So to start, I know this is all trivial and borderline immature. I know what it all sounds like and I know I need to grow up because I’m pushing 30 and there’s so many more things going on that I could care about. I’m just here getting out the last bit of childlike resentment to clear my mind. Maybe I need I journal instead but I thought a public online post would make it so I’m not writing in an echo chamber. Please go easy on me lol.

A friend i care deeply about didn't wish me happy birthday today. we aren’t that close anymore so i wasn’t expecting a grand announcement or anything, just a simple ig dm with the words "happy birthday" and nothing else. I don’t think she knows my birthday as I always forget hers too but she posts about it every year and I always wish her a happy birthday. But I posted about my birthday on my story and she opened it and not even a like. I know it’s just a birthday wish and that we're not close like that anymore but I feel ignored. I feel like I always go out of my way to show my love and support for her even in our distance and it’s never returned. I feel like I don’t matter to her. I’ve felt like this for years but I’ve never said anything bc like I said, we're not as close as we used to be, but still. I feel pretty ridiculous for feeling like this over something so insignificant, especially when she always has a lot going on. but how much time and energy does it take to swipe up and just send an emoji or just "happy birthday"? I don’t think I’m important to her. I think I do the most and it either overwhelms her, makes her uncomfortable, or makes her angry or annoyed. Maybe I care too much. Maybe I’m only now realizing the friendship is dead and was only being held together by my memory. Maybe it’s just not a big deal to her and I have to move on.

And then someone else I know unfollowed me sometime over the last week as well and I realized I haven’t heard from them in months. Granted this connection was much different than the other friend. He was an ex I broke up with last September and thought we could still be actual friends with. Discovered he and I have different ideas of friendship, relationship, etc., and different values when he got a new girlfriend like 2 weeks later. For the record I wasn’t upset that he moved on. I was upset bc at the time he was my closest friend and the literal only person I’ve ever felt emotionally safe with ever and the only person I could be my authentic self with. Not bc of the failed romance, but bc he I genuinely thought we had a (platonic) bond. And he has said the same sentiment to me even after we broke up. I just finally accepted that we were better as friends and he agreed. But when he got a new girlfriend 2 weeks later and said we couldn’t talk or hang out anymore as much, I felt incredibly hurt. A few months later after she broke up with him, suddenly we could hang out again. But when he came over he was a dick and not there for connection and bonding but rather bc he couldn’t smoke weed at his moms house and needed a place that wasn’t outside. I called him out on it and cursed him out and he kept trying to deflect and play dumb to avoid accountability but I wasn’t having it. I said we could still game and hang out in groups but that I never wanted to hang out with him one on one ever again. After that for the next few months it seemed like he was trying to get back in my good graces but one time he suggested I let him give me head. I ignored that ofc. I kind of still thought we were friends but at the same time I knew there was no going back after that and despite kind of wanting to let my boundaries waver because I missed the bond, that proposition restrengthened them. Who he truly was became clear to me, not just after that message but over the next few months as I continued to reflect. I guess he stopped trying because he felt rejected and like I didn’t want him around. Valid. But at the same time, it still kind of sucks. The only person I ever felt like I could breathe around is now gone too. And yes, again, I know it’s weird to feel like this especially since I stopped texting him too months ago but I’m just getting the immaturity off my chest and closing out what was left that seemingly one sided “bond” in my head.
Anyway, 26 seems to be starting with realizing that the ideation of the past is causing me more pain when I’m forced to examine the present actions of those I once deemed very important to me. We all grow and evolve and it’s finally time for me to let go and evolve as well. I see it now.

It’s the end of a very long era and I’m lowkey grieving but it’s ok. This will only make room for better connections in the future.
Happy birthday me.

It’s the middle of the night where I’m at and I got a message from a weirdo asking if I wanted to see bbc. He reached out to me bc of a selfie I posted in a non nsfw sub asking for a psychic reading. What about that post attracted that???
And I’m the kind of person to go out of my way to make someone uncomfortable if they make me uncomfortable so I started being weird as shit to him and telling him I was gonna do gross stuff with mayo and eggs to him and I was scaring him by asking for his address over and over. It worked and he got uncomfy but kept trying to steer it back to him being horny. Then I flat out just called him on being a jobless gross loser getting off to borderline harassing and being weird to strangers online in the middle of the night and he got upset and called me a baby maker, like it was some sort of new form of misogynistic insult. That’s how I knew I had him. Then he said it was 11am where he was and something about making 4k a day and I said I was the prime minister of Canada and I think he took me seriously which was absolutely hilarious to read. And it being 11am there makes it so much worse and proves what I said about him being a jobless hobo. Obviously, I made him mad bc the sexual talk ended at this point and he kept trying to attack me and when that wouldn’t work suddenly he liked the insults but not in a sexual way, rather in a way that seemed like was trying to pretend I wasn’t hurting his feelings and like he wasn’t upset. It was so fake lol. He was obviously over it but needed to last word. I was kind enough to give it him ofc bc unlike that loser, I have contact with the outside world and was finally getting bored. Poor guy needed a win after the dragging I put him through.

But anyway, I’m tired of these types of men. Nothing about my post was sexual or revealing at all. It was just a face picture asking for a psychic read. All the accounts he followed were nsfw accounts so idk how or why my post even showed up on his feed. I’m just so fatigued. Men like this are so fatiguing. I have extreme male-fatigue. And to the men who’ll read this and get upset, if you’ve never done this, then this isn’t about you. No need to comment “not all men” prove it by keeping that line to yourself. I’m so done.
And I know you’re not supposed to give into these types of interactions but when you get these types of messages so often, you get fed up and want to cut some appendages off their bodies. This felt good to get out. Glad I found this sub. Will probably be here a lot lmao. Hopefully not anymore about stuff like this but yeah.

i keep having dreams about my rabbit being attacked or mauled by other animals. usually the dreams are about my brothers dog attacking or killing my rabbit. In these dreams, I either: run in and grab the dog by its tail and pull her back before she reaches my rabbit, I here the commotion of the attack and run into my room to see the dog tearing her shreads, I’m able to pry the dogs jaw open and rabbit limps away bleeding and then dies, or sometimes my rabbit lives and is completely uninjured but scared.
but last night i dreamt of a white/light gray cat and a weiner dog attacking her. We’ve never had a cat or a weiner dog ever as pets. my rabbit, though, didnt care that she was being attacked and kept trying to escape her room anyway, seeming annoyed that i was trying to keep her safe. my brothers dog was in the dream too but she was let outside before the other animals appeared and therefore wasnt apart of the attacks.

- I’m curious on my sort of near-future application to the BFA program at my school. I feel like I’ll be fine but I just want to be sure.
- I’m also curious about if the future and lifestyle I dream about for myself will come to fruition. What do you see for me down the line after I finish school?
- And ofc like everyone else, I’m curious about my love life in general.

I’ve noticed that typing has become sort of a pain. I type fast, yes, but the amount of misspelling and mistakes I make now are much more than what I used to make. I didn’t have to rely so much on autocorrect before but now it’s a constant thing. I’ve even tried typing slower and somehow, my keyboard thinks I pressed another letter instead of the one I clearly pressed. Even with punctuation, symbols, and numbers I have this problem.
For example, I’ll try to type “because” and then the keyboard will pick up “bcc cccc” and then autocorrect it to “bacon” or something like that. It’s really pissing me off. I was not this bad at typing before, this is new.
And I’ve been using iPhones for about 10 years and I’ve never had this problem before whatever update was implemented. I can’t remember when exactly I started having this problem but I know it started sometime within the past year.
Just trying to see if anyone else has noticed their keyboard’s being much more sensitive or incredibly annoying when typing or if it’s just me.

Edit: turning off slide to type for some reason works! There was another suggestion in the comments too about reset your keyboard and having it relearn but that will take about a week to see a difference. But anyway, it’s settings>search> type “slide to type”>toggle off