parenting arrangements are meant to be about the child, not punishing the other parent
it's been a frightful day, full of tears and emotional conversations with my 12 yo and eldest who is being refused when she asks to call me, and whose time with me is cut down arbitrarily if I've made her dad mad or shown up to changeover late too many times, and is told she is being "brainwashed" because I'm not telling her that the reduction in time is because of me.
i'm so tired of being put in a position by her dad to lie to or gaslight my child, or else he yells and berates and insults her into submitting to his point of view. she's confused. she doesn't understand why she can't talk to her older sister - dad's firstborne, who has never (as far as I know) met.
of course, when the mother of my kid's half-sister reached out to me, I immediately set up a play-date. the one and only time they actually met and spoke. all she wants is to feel like she belongs in a family.
i'm watching her cry and need reassurance through a video screen, and visibly controlling her face and reactions because they are approaching and saying it's time to get off the phone.
this man is a convicted meth trafficker, raped me, used me as a guinea pig to try out imported psychedelics on, cheated on me continuously and then after a year and a half threatened to kill me explicitly while I held our 1yo daughter, successfully lied about these events with his parents' money and credibility, bankrupted me into signing consent orders my lawyers assured me was the best course of action, and now has turned every interaction with my eldest something out of sophie's fucking choice.
she missed her little sister's band performance because he decided she got 4 hours less time today, due to the fact that I had been in total 2 hours late to changeovers in the last month, and she passes on messages that he'll just leave if I'm not there within 15 minutes of changeover time.
for the record, changeover is caboolture. i live in inner brisbane. transit is anywhere between 40 to 80 minutes around 8:30.
i need to work on my routines - i'm not excusing getting there late, and i'm working on it. what kind of father thinks that this is a solution? she's the one getting the most hurt here
she and her little sister and brother are collateral damage and i'm trying so hard to protect them... and today has been really rough.