u/Loose-Replacement607

location: California

I’m in a nightmare situation and I’ve been posting quite a bit on Reddit to get advice from generous souls here. Thank you in advance

My wife of 1.5 years recently moved back to her home town in Quebec after living with me for just 3 months here in California. She’s 14 weeks pregnant with our child. Last night I found out from a mutual connection that she has just filed a divorce case in Quebec. I haven’t received the papers yet in mail or via server process.

I’m barely getting financially stable due to long unemployment period after my last layoff and can’t afford too much expense in addition to my huge mortgage, coupled with a tough job market and ongoing job insecurity. She lives in her ancestral home in Quebec and has a full time job there that she never quit when she spent 3 months here.

So I don’t want to have to travel to Quebec to deal with this case or pay attorneys over there. I also want to minimize child support due to the sole reason that my wife will certainly spend that on cars and dresses. I heard earlier that I should file a divorce in California ASAP as that will be financially better for me. If I do that next week what happens ?

Given that California has six month wait period and Quebec requires 1 years separation. Will California go ahead and adjudicate in December this year? Or will they hold onto of because Quebec filing was done first?

Disclaimer this is a long post.

TLDR my wife just left me

I am 43 and my wife is 40 I live in California. She’s from Quebec Canada. We met on a dating app 2+ years ago dated remotely for six months and got married. I’ve been previously married and she had been through some long-term relationships that did not work out so both of us thought that this might be a good match however problems were showing up right from the start, I might be set in my ways while she is very much a “my way or highway” person. A defining feature of our marriage has been that upon every big fight she would through divorce at me and then we will reconcile. She continued to live in Quebec until January 2026 when she finally moved to California . I suggested to her that we should live and adjust together for a few months before we try to conceive, but as usual, she threatened divorce so I acquiesced . we got pregnant in February 2026 and I thought this life event might change our relationship for the better. I was shocked when upon our first fight after the pregnancy news, she booked her tickets and said she was leaving the same day . then she cooled down. two weeks later we had a fight and she packed up her bags and was ready to leave, but then we again reconciled. This happened a couple times more later. meanwhile, we filed her immigration to get her a green card . I could always sense that her heart was still in Quebec, where she has her family. here in California I don’t really have a lot of family and I used to live by myself before she moved here. I think all of this stacked up against our marriage, even though she wouldn’t admit it directly and would always just blame me for everything. I will say that we had a good time for the last three months .we have our own house and I’ve been trying to provide household stuff within my financial bounds and getting her an expensive gift that she wanted. fast forward to May 2026 when her parents came to visit for a week. We had a good time with her parents, taking them around to meet their other family in California until their last day here when my wife and I had some altercation and she threatened to leave as usual and got her parents involved. within 15 minutes her parents decided that they wanted to divorce and they had her pack up her bags and to my shock, they left at 10 PM the day before their scheduled flight . They booked her ticket as well to take her along with them. under US law leaving the country naturally abandoned her green card application as well. .They told me that they would file a divorce. since she has left I have messaged and called her several times to no avail. My mother has done the same . at this point she would’ve gotten her blood work report and would’ve found out the gender of the Child but I have no idea what the results are. She’s 13 weeks pregnant at the moment.

My mind is in a storm. I go back-and-forth between the potential pathways in my life. If she divorces me, I’d have to deal with loneliness once again, which I had thought I had left behind for good . loneliness perhaps is the thing I hate the most on this planet. plus I’ll be stuck paying child support for 18 years which normally I wouldn’t mind but knowing my wife, I know she will spend most of that money on cars and dresses. I still want to have a settled family so I’m very worried what match I’m gonna find when I turn 45 or 46 .

on the other hand if somehow she chooses to continue in this marriage and moves back to California with the child later this year how can I trust that she won’t do this kind of thing again . I’ve been vocal with her and her family that mistakes happen from both sides and that I am taking responsibility for mine and will work on those, but I never have heard such a thing from her or her family i.e. they don’t accept their mistakes . given her pattern so far I can’t tell whether she’ll again decide to divorce me next year or in 3 to 5 years . if that happens, not only will I be stuck with child support, but she also might take a substantial portion of my home which I am hugely attached to. I grew up really poor and I’ve built this house with my sweat and blood.

I am at such a fork in life that I can’t figure out which pathway is better for me . Honestly even if divorcing her is the better option I am so lonely every day that I cant muster the courage to file the papers. since I’m an immigrant in this country my own family is back home and only visit me occasionally. in summary, I don’t know which of these options is less bad for me.

I’ve been married for 1.5 years .I live in California and my wife is from Canada. after a long wait after our wedding she moved to the US. She has always been toxic toward me .after she moved here we got pregnant and one fine day after spending three months with me she just suddenly packed her bags and left for Canada and now she is going to file a divorce .I cannot come to terms with the fact that all online research is telling me that I will have to pay child custody for the next 18 years when it was her who left. she still has a job in Canada and I have one here in the US, but I make 4X of what she makes in gross income. She lives in her father‘s house for free while I have a huge mortgage. Am I wrong in my interpretation above? if I am right then what kind of justice system is this?

I’ve been married for 1.5 years .I live in California and my wife is from Canada. after a long wait after our wedding she moved to the US. She has always been toxic toward me .after she moved here we got pregnant and one fine day after spending three months with me she just suddenly packed her bags and left for Canada and now she is going to file a divorce .I cannot come to terms with the fact that all online research is telling me that I will have to pay child custody for the next 18 years when it was her who left. she still has a job in Canada and I have one here in the US, but I make 4X of what she makes in gross income. She lives in her father‘s house for free while I have a huge mortgage. Am I wrong in my interpretation above? if I am right then what kind of justice system is this?